# Cheesiest music video ever **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 15, 2007, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297 "2007-09-15T10:01:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/61 "2007-09-16T19:29:11Z")
> [@lobstermobster](#): > > holy SHIT I just watched this with my finnish boyfriend and I think its just patriotism but he’s trying to tell me there is nothing wrong with this video. I laughed REALLY hard. We’re too young but we’re going to find out the story on this thing from his parents. I believe this particular clip is from a popular old show called levyraati (a Finnish version of the British show [Juke Box Jury](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juke_Box_Jury)). The MTV logo in the lower right corner does not stand for Music television, but [Mainos televisio](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MTV3) (Advertisement television). Its not really a music video, but more a clip from a music show. Cant explain the point with the dancers. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/62 "2007-09-16T19:31:03Z")
[3 Mustaphas 3](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qa-z73rMCM) It’s cheeze is intentional, EuroHip and ironic, a little self depricating cultural awareness, from some great Yugo musicians. I have one of their albums and it is really good. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/63 "2007-09-16T19:42:20Z")
Appparently, I have been deceived. [3 Mustaphas 3](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3_Mustaphas_3) are Brits…wouldn’t you know it. Damn good job. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/64 "2007-09-16T19:54:38Z")
Damn it you guys have ruined it for me. As a teenager in the 80’s a girl gave me a mix tape (cheesy by itself) with Total eclipse of the heart on it. Every once in a blue moon when it comes on the radio I get a smile thinking of that girl. Now I’m only going to remember how damn weird that video is. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/65 "2007-09-16T20:01:35Z")
[QUOTE=elmwood] Haysi Fantayzee: Shiny Shiny [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/SjsnkIP4ddo/hqdefault.jpg "haysi fantayzee - shiny shiny official video") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjsnkIP4ddo) [/QUOTE] Oh holy crap… I remember that one from an MTV-ripoff video & dance show in SoCal called MV3… That girl looks like a female vampire Boy George… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/66 "2007-09-16T20:23:00Z")
[QUOTE=elmwood] Haysi Fantayzee: Shiny Shiny [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/SjsnkIP4ddo/hqdefault.jpg "haysi fantayzee - shiny shiny official video") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjsnkIP4ddo) [/QUOTE] Catchy tune, though. For some reason I always think of Fun Boy Three when I think of Haysi Fantayzee. It’s just that this was the era when I was getting into music. ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/ZtUc6Z4ZRSo/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZtUc6Z4ZRSo?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/67 "2007-09-16T20:27:35Z")
Pikers! All of these videos ain’t know nothin’ from cheese! For truly ripe, soft-centered frommage, may I introduce you to [a](http://youtube.com/watch?v=Hv0azq9GF_g) [woman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWdHOm256N4)[called](http://youtube.com/watch?v=QFMqV2FfPNk)[Kate](http://youtube.com/watch?v=9DVvrcFi4M0)[Bush](http://youtube.com/watch?v=xz07Hf5htfY). ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/68 "2007-09-16T20:32:22Z")
[QUOTE=The New and Improved Superman] Pikers! All of these videos ain’t know nothin’ from cheese! For truly ripe, soft-centered frommage, may I introduce you to [a](http://youtube.com/watch?v=Hv0azq9GF_g) [woman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWdHOm256N4)[called](http://youtube.com/watch?v=QFMqV2FfPNk)[Kate](http://youtube.com/watch?v=9DVvrcFi4M0)[Bush](http://youtube.com/watch?v=xz07Hf5htfY). [/QUOTE] What video? Let’s see that chainmail bikini again… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/69 "2007-09-16T20:38:09Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] What video? Let’s see that chainmail bikini again… [/QUOTE] “I make videos… that give men erections.” (Pamela Stephenson taking the piss out of Kate Bush in _Not the Nine O’Clock News_, circa 1979.) ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/70 "2007-09-16T21:03:09Z")
The Red Hot Chili Peppers have always had some interesting videos. [True Men Don’t Kill Coyotes](http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z3Jwvk6MGV8&mode=related&search=) was one of their firsts. Cheesey or cool… you decide. Personally I think it was an influential gouda that set the stage for the last 10 years of baby belle. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/71 "2007-09-16T21:47:26Z")
I think they were just being silly. Like a cranberry-infused stilton. ---
**Author:** ![Tenebras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/977dab/32.png) [@Tenebras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenebras)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/72 "2007-09-16T22:27:25Z")
Ok, so the “bright eyes” in the Bonnie Tyler video were a bit much, and slow motion doves and wind machines are effects appreciated more for their absence. I acknowledge all of this to be true. I think you guys are all missing the granddaddy of them all for cheesy music videos. It has everything you could possibly desire: funky camera angles, hokey visual metaphors, _repetetive_ hokey visual metaphors, big hair, and a freaking awesome song to boot. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with [Romeo and Juliet](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz4TDrE67mI) by Dire Straits. For those of you who can’t access YouTube, allow me to describe the first verse of the video: The guitar intro plays as a man in white walks down a white hallway, shot from above. (Rat mazes for people! B.F. Skinner would be proud.) As the intro ends and the singing starts we have our man in white now walking towards us down a hallway. There are 3 man in black leaning against the walls and a spotlight illuminating a circle on the wall. Why is there a spotlight? You’ll see. Romeo bops down the hallway doing this completely white-boy finger snap motion. Distracting and… we get our first dose of heavy handed visuals. As Mark Knopfler intones “laying everybody low” the bobbing extras lie down. Wait, it get’s better. To the dulcet accompaniment of “finds a streetlight” Romeo steps into the illuminated circle. At this point you may experience facial twitching. Don’t worry, this is a side effect of brain damage and it’s completely normal. The tingling sensation you feel is caused by the neurons commiting suicide. Enjoy the feeling. It is a Good Thing. Of course, this is just the beginning. In just a few seconds you’ll experience the glory of a hand rolling dice which then explode into your heart which segues into a shot of silhouettes watching Juliet projected onto a screen. Because of the movie song. You know, do doooo da duuum. Do deee da duuumm… You probably don’t remember it. Juliet’s big hair drove it from your mind. Back to the video. If you watch the screen you see Romeo sneak up behind Juliet, reclining on a sort of fainting couch. Of course, the time was wrong so he knocks her off the couch and then looks up sheepishly as the audience disappears. This part is a bit tricky, because of the vagaries of television, but what’s going on here is that Romeo actually knocks Juliet off the couch with his enormous boner. The director’s cut (or rather un-cut) has a more graphic representation but sometimes art has to suffer under the hand of the almighty dollar. That’s life. It’s getting hard to concentrate, what with the tunnel vision and the lightheadedness, but this is a sacrifice I’m willing to make for my fellow dopers. Where was I? Ah yes, the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Montagues walk up parallel hallways. Parallel spotless white hallways which represent streets of shame. But don’t worrry, the director in his infinite wisdom has one of the street punks toss some garbage onto Romeo’s side. At the moment someone decided that was a good idea an angel lost it’s wings. Eh, it’s all in the name of art. Fucker can walk like the rest of us. Our lovely couple pose at the end of the hallway so you can get a peek at Romeo’s massive package before we cut to my favorite part of the video: chains of silver and gold! That’s right, they did it. Chains of silver and gold. Silver and gold! Oh yeah, and a pretty stranger drives by in a soft-top and Romeo sits in a car in the rain. Brings a tear to my eye. Speaking of tear to my eye, remember Romeo’s package? Yeah, well Juliet used to cry when they made love. And we see this lovingly recreated with the biggest and fakiest tear this side of a [Time magazine cover](http://marknicodemo.mu.nu/archives/Reagan.jpg). Some more stuff about movie songs. Do dah doooo, da na la na–holy shit, she took her shirt off! Rewind, rewind! Sorry, was thinking about the movie song. Now there’s a television screen and legs. Nice legs, but what does it have to do with television? Also, I think it’s Big Brother’s understudy warming up on the screen. Who the fu–oh, right. Can’t talk like the guy on the TV screen. Dude, I’ve got news for you: nobody can talk like that. Those are sophisticated oral calisthenics he’s performing there and not to be attempted by amateurs. You might sprain something. Aw shit, I guess I depressed him and now Romeo leapt off the building. This is actually quite sophisticated. You see, Juliet is the sun in the window, lit by the yellow light. Romeo, in white, taking the role of the moon, (for maximum pretentiousness you should pretend there’s one of those little pointy things on the top of the o in role–you know they were thinking it) hurls himself from the rooftop in a vain attempt to extinguish himself on account of his sickly grief. Cheeky bastard, ain’t he? Blah blah blah, all I do is keep the beat and bad company. They really missed an opportunity to have our hero tapping out a rhythm here. That’s ok, because the follow up not only with mismatched legs (poor fashion=bad company) but kissy lips. Just quick intercut of kissy lips. Followed fast by a whole bunch of kissy lips. If this were Easy Rider the next scene would be a bordello where all the hookers are poorly dressed types without redeeming qualities and scarcely any heart at all. You know, the exact opposite of Julia Roberts. And Annie, for that matter. More tears, silhouettes, back to the movie theater and Juliet leaves his ass. As she dances halfheartedly off the screen I can’t help but think that maybe our Romeo is better off without her. I mean, the woman clearly has no soul. What is she doing with her arms? Gah, it burns! Back to the streetlight. This time with no napping extras. I guess they got fired. Only Teamsters can pull that shit and a paycheck and let that be a lesson to you. That’s ok, though, because we get to watch some chick in green vinyl (yes, green–want to make something of it?) “dance” down the hallway. And then “dance” some more. And she’s still dancing. Dancing. Dancing. How does she get hired? Dancing. She must have incriminating pictures of somebody. Dancing. And she’s done! And um… a piece of brown something goes blowing down the hallway. WTF? I think it’s the Bill of Rights, blowing in the wind, symbolizing the… the… right to… a trial by jury? Yeah, that’s got to be it. You see, watching this video was a trial by fire and so um… it was totally unfair, because some US Americans don’t have maps and such as South Africa. Um. Somebody bail me out here. (Ha, an eighth amendment joke!) Anyway, I think my brain is bleeding now. My eyes certainly are. I’ll be over here marinating in gin if you need me. Tenebras ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/73 "2007-09-16T22:54:43Z")
[QUOTE=parthenokinesis] [Ahem.](http://youtube.com/watch?v=DvNOZegkVXo) It’s a wonder this didn’t get used in the soundtrack for Highlander, it’s such high quality. [/QUOTE] Oh yeah, that’s the good stuff! ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/74 "2007-09-16T23:00:34Z")
You have to admit, though, that the video for [Cloudbusting](http://youtube.com/watch?v=IRHA9W-zExQ&mode=related&search=) was a great mini-movie, back when few artists were making them (and I can’t believe how young Donald Sutherland looks in it). ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/75 "2007-09-17T00:33:29Z")
[QUOTE=devilsknew] [3 Mustaphas 3](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qa-z73rMCM) It’s cheeze is intentional, EuroHip and ironic, a little self depricating cultural awareness, from some great Yugo musicians. I have one of their albums and it is really good. [/QUOTE] _3 Mustaphas 3_ crack it hard. I love those guys. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/76 "2007-09-17T01:48:00Z")
[QUOTE=elmwood] The absolute worst, though, has to be the Indian version of Thriller. ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/LbvP7dT3Dx0/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/LbvP7dT3Dx0?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque [/QUOTE] I’d like to point out that that’s \*South \*Indian. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/77 "2007-09-17T02:47:25Z")
Gunther is definitely up there, but I can’t believe this thread has gone two pages without some of the most fragrant fromage ever to grace celluloid (or at least, mylar). (Note: These are obviously amateurs, but seriously. You won’t get the stink out of your monitor for _weeks_) Allow me to present the nominees for Worst Music Video Of All Time. Category: Most Likely To Implode Into a Giant Ball of Flamin’ [Samwell](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU) (Bonus category: Worst Use of Sexual Symbolism) Category: Most Likely To Have Been Filmed by Random Pedestrians [Jan Terri](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3nVHkxDA1M) (Bonus Category: Singer Most Likely to be Mistaken for Zelda Rubinstein) Category: OH GOD MY EARS! MY EYES! MY EARS AND EYES! THEY ARE MELTING! MEEELLLITIIIIINNNNG! Oh, what a world, what a world… [Rehdogg](http://youtube.com/watch?v=8mWW6kRITEY) (Bonus Category: SERIOUSLY MAKE IT STOP) Category: Most Dubious Tribute to 9/11 [Delfin Quishpe](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfpVpDZ-vj4) There are others but I’m having trouble searching for them. I’ll have to spend more time to dig them up, but rest assured, they’re just as awesomely horrid. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/78 "2007-09-17T03:36:34Z")
**betenoir** already mentioned A Flock Of Seagulls, but it’s so bad, it needs elaboration. The video for [I Ran](http://youtube.com/watch?v=uUjIA3Rt7gk) has these guys playing their instruments and singing in a little studio outfitted with mirrors and _aluminum foil!_ The camera pans in circles, and you can see in the mirrors that the camera has aluminum foil wrapped around its tripod and body. It’s got the ugly space-girls with three pounds of makeup on, whose eyes radiate stars when they look at you. It’s got the singer feeling his way along the mirror like he was trapped. Man, there’s enough cheese in this video to keep you stopped up for a month! And I have to mention that Billy Squier’s career was wrecked by that video for _Rock Me Tonite_. I never saw it when it was new, it was only last year when somebody here pointed me to it on youtube. It’s one of those things I wish I could erase from my brain. It was the _totally wrong_ video to make for that song. I’ve always thought it was one of rock’s truly majestic songs. It’s got swagger, power, sex, desperation, wanting to break the bounds and escape, it’s got killer hooks and killer playing by all, stellar production values. But the video is _so gay_ it must embarrass even people who really are gay. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/79 "2007-09-17T03:39:52Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Allow me to present the nominees for Worst Music Video Of All Time. Category: Most Likely To Implode Into a Giant Ball of Flamin’ [Samwell](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7YFU) (Bonus category: Worst Use of Sexual Symbolism) . [/QUOTE] Are you kidding? That was _awesome_. I think I cried I was laughing so hard. I got my So to watch it, too. The best thing was the comment…“this guy made me question my sexuality!” ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297/80 "2007-09-17T06:01:05Z")
Has this cheese set yet…or is it still to sharpen?..[Mr. Magic’s Wand by Whodini](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzg7H8CYeT4) Warning 80’s fashion attack! Funny thing is, I had a pink and purple plaid shirt exactly like one of the dancers in this video. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/cheesiest-music-video-ever/419297.md?page=5)