# Chick Tract Parody Thread 2004 **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 5, 2004, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127 "2004-11-05T03:43:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/21 "2004-11-05T18:47:23Z")
**Panel 17** _Lil’ Suzy with an evil look on her face is now hugging Capt O’Looney with one arm and holding out a large VHS TAPE in the other_ “Did I do good Father?! I have all the tapes from his sermons and speeches” “Yes Lil’ Suzy… Looks like you finally fell into our trap old man! And as a bonus we have another of you @#$% Chritian converts.” _Granpa patch has a shocked look on his face and guard two is holding his hand up above his face recoiling in horror_ ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/22 "2004-11-05T18:48:57Z")
Well, that last panel did take the story elsewhere… ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/23 "2004-11-05T19:11:36Z")
I was waiting for the evil headmistress in a leather bodysuit and carrying a whip to administer “punishment” to grandpa eyepatch… **pouts** ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/24 "2004-11-05T19:13:43Z")
I was hoping to see L’il Suzy worked over with a rubber hose but that may be over the top even for a parody. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/25 "2004-11-05T19:43:28Z")
> [@kingpengvin](#): > > **Panel 17** > > _Lil’ Suzy with an evil look on her face is now hugging Capt O’Looney_ with one arm and holding out a large VHS TAPE in the other\* > > “Did I do good Father?! I have all the tapes from his sermons and speeches” > > “Yes Lil’ Suzy… Looks like you finally fell into our trap old man! And as a bonus we have another of you @#$% Chritian converts.” > > _Granpa patch has a shocked look on his face and guard two is holding his hand up above his face recoiling in horror_ \*_There she lusted after her lovers, who’s genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emmision was like that of horses. Ezekiel_ 23:20 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/26 "2004-11-05T19:45:06Z")
The evil headmistress’s car obviously crashes into Grandpa Pirate’s car, complete with explosion, fire, and a flying “I 3\> JESUS” plate. She is then seen in hell, dressed in the leather bodysuit and whip, whimpering “I wish I had listened to Lil Suzy.” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/27 "2004-11-05T19:52:48Z")
We’re getting a little off track here. Can we pick up after panel 16 and pretend the other stuff never happened (sorry, \*_king_ but I think your direction is a little too farcical. We usually try to keep these things grounded in the spirit of a real tract and follow the genuine Chick formulas. The closer parody is to truth, the more effective it is). ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/28 "2004-11-05T19:58:45Z")
:dubious: Considering the original material is farcical to begin with I did’t see the harm. I was going with the Next Generation type paranoia. You know, turning the kid’s against their elders and all, but if you want to decide how this one goes, be my guest. I withdraw the panel… ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/29 "2004-11-05T20:08:03Z")
Well, the “turning the kids against their parents” is a good idea, but it doesn’t work with Suzie, because we already know Suzie, and it’s out of character for her to do that. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/30 "2004-11-05T20:17:07Z")
I didn’t mean any offense, **King**. Like **Captain Amazing** said, I just think it’s out of character for _Susy_. The “good” Chick characters never change. I’m also not trying to choose the outcome, I just want to “reset” it, so to speak. Why don’t you redo your panel but don’t feel like you have to go in my direction. I’m only asking that we keep the story _plausible_ as a real Chick Tract. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/31 "2004-11-05T20:18:16Z")
Unless she has been a double agent narking on granpa and suckering kids into coverting… notice none of teh newly converted children ever reapear in the tracts. Why? 'Cause they have been rounded up by the evil One worlders. But that is all moot, I have withdrawn. 'nuff said. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/32 "2004-11-05T20:19:53Z")
> [@kingpengvin](#): > > Unless she has been a double agent narking on granpa and suckering kids into coverting… notice none of teh newly converted children ever reapear in the tracts. Why? Thought bubbles don’t lie :). Daniel ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/33 "2004-11-05T20:25:04Z")
Of course… Can I at least kill her then? ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/34 "2004-11-05T20:28:03Z")
> [@kingpengvin](#): > > Of course… Can I at least kill her then? I don’t see why not … but you realize that she’ll be going to Heaven? Why not have the priest molest her? Works on a bunch of levels. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/35 "2004-11-05T20:28:57Z")
Well, shoot, this one was going too good to let it drop. I have an idea. Remember, when Suzy was taken away we couldn’t see her for a while. Maybe what we are seeing now isn’t really Suzy, but an imposter? Then the real Suzy could somehow make an appearance, someone gets converted, someone goes to hell, and so on. If \*\*king \*\* wants to retract his retraction, I say, let it stay, and write around it. We can always do Santa next! ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/36 "2004-11-05T20:29:56Z")
Have Grandpa Eyepatch kill her if you want to go that route. Use the support of scripture: Psalms 127:9 “Happy shall he be that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones” ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/37 "2004-11-05T20:30:22Z")
Oops…I’d forgotten that Father O’Brian had only been mentioned, not brought into the action. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/38 "2004-11-05T20:32:11Z")
I have no objection to killing her. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/39 "2004-11-05T20:33:38Z")
Clears throat… From the begining **Panel 17** O’Lonney: Well you now will be meeting the head of our little movement Suzy. Suzy: “I only fear one thing, my Loving wrathful God. You can’t scare me with …_GASP_ Ms Henn!” Ms Henn: That’s right you little @\*#!! Now I will finally get my revenge! ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127/40 "2004-11-05T20:58:27Z")
> [@PaulFitzroy](#): > > two officers decked out in Nazi-styled uniforms complete with the diagonal leather belt across the chest That’s actually known as a [Sam Browne belt](http://www.diggerhistory.info/pages-uniforms/sam_browne.htm), and it’s incidentally part of the dress uniform of these [rather polite gentlemen](http://www.rcmp.ca/uniform/red_serge_e.htm). The Nazis were murdering scum, but at least they looked sharp. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chick-tract-parody-thread-2004/273127.md?page=3)