# Chicken!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 20, 2000, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099 "2000-08-20T23:44:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2000, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/1 "2000-08-20T23:44:57Z")
OK, so I’m ordering at Taco Cabana. I’m tired, hungry and my son is asking every question in the world. Their special is something called a Taco Bowl. It looks like a bunch of junk stuffed into a taco salad shell to be plugged by Cheech Marin; it comes with chicken or beef, or chicken or beef fajita meat for a buck more. It looks pretty sick, but I’m hungry (and cheap), so why not. I tell the guy “Yeah, I’ll have one of those bowls with chicken…” “Chicken, or chicken fajita?”, he says. “Chicken.” “Yeah, but chicken, or chicken fajita?” "_Chicken._ “Yeah, but chicken, or chicken fajita? You see we’ve got…” OK, I’ve had enough. “ **CHICKEN, STEWED CHICKEN, IF YOU WANT TO CALL IT THAT. I’VE ALSO HEARD PEOPLE HERE CALL IT CHICKEN GUISADA…** ” Somewhere about this time, he gets a clue and we finish the order. What the fuck is this, the upsize from hell??? “_…And remember, only take fajita as an answer._” Maybe I should have just pointed to the placard and grunted. Better yet, maybe I should have gone Joe Pesci on him. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/2 "2000-08-21T00:52:39Z")
You’d love the exchange I recently had at a McDonalds: “…and a small French fries please.” “We don’t have small, we only have medium and large.” “Well then the medium would be the smallest size then, making it the small, wouldn’t it?” “No, 'cos we don’t have small, just medium and large.” “How can you have a medium without a small?” “We just do. Would you like the medium?” “No, I’d like the SMALL! Which is what you’re apparently calling a medium!” (Of course I fully expect the next post to read “This crazy lady came in wanting small fries, and I had to tell her like a thousand times, “We don’t have small fries!” and she didn’t get it!”) ---
**Author:** ![Surgoshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Surgoshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surgoshan)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/3 "2000-08-21T20:14:43Z")
small = kiddie fries. Really simple, because people LOVE fries, they obviously don’t WANT a **small** amount of fries… Just do like obviuos man, who had the same problem with medium and large drinks. Just put on a waky outfit and say “ **THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A MEDIUM IF YOU DON’T HAVE A SMALL! MEDIUM IS THE POINT BETWEEN SMALL AND LARGE, ASSMUNCH!** ” Should be satisfying. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Ryan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7feea3/32.png) [@The\_Ryan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Ryan)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/4 "2000-08-21T21:09:45Z")
I don’t see the problem. A medium is smaller than the large, and larger than the small. So what if they don’t sell the small? What’s important is that if they did sell a small, it would be larger than the medium. If a store doesn’t sell A batteries, should it call its B batteries A instead? ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2000, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/5 "2000-08-21T21:31:55Z")
> [@](#): > > If a store doesn’t sell A batteries, should it call its B batteries A instead? The difference between small fries being called medium and batteries labeled A versus B is batteries have a classification. I can’t put or use C size batteries in my AA classified portable CD player, or in a hearing aid. You see this is a classification that has reasons. The problem with small versus medium fries is the marketing companies are using words to try to sell more fries, oh and justify a price increase. As for the OP…that’s got to be frustrating. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/6 "2000-08-22T02:04:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Ryan \* > **What’s important is that if they did sell a small, it would be larger than the medium.** And now my head hurts. ---
**Author:** ![Bubble\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c0e974/32.png) [@Bubble\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bubble_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/7 "2000-08-22T14:20:11Z")
Voguevixen I had almost the same problem recently at McDonalds. I always know exactly what I am going to order before I get to the window/counter. “I want to order 3 cheeseburgers and 3 regular orders of fries, that’s all please.” _“Ok so you want 3 three cheeseburgers and 3 large fries. That will be blah blah please pull up.”_ “No I ordered 3 regular fries, not large.” _“Well maam the regular fries are small, you want the large order it has a lot more fries.”_ WTF is this??!! I know what the hell I want and that’s what I ordered. Don’t tell me what I want dumbass! So I finally convinced the idiot of this and she gave me my order. How fricken hard can it be take an order, they even have little pictures of the items on the buttons of the cash register. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/8 "2000-08-22T20:46:06Z")
On a similar bent, ever notice the labeling on laundry detergent? The smallest box is the “large.” It looks like it will do about 8 loads, maybe. Then you get jumbo, family, and ultra (I’m not sure of the exact order or wording, but you get my drift). As far as I can tell, there is no such thing as a small or medium box of laundry detergent. ---
**Author:** ![Sea\_Sloth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Sea\_Sloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sea_Sloth)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/9 "2000-08-22T21:20:51Z")
“Can I have a Super Duper Big Ass Jumbo Mania Whacked Out Huge Fries?” “We only have Super Duper EXTRA MUNGO Big Ass Jumbo Whacked Out Huge Fries.” “That’s it? You don’t have anything smaller?” “No.” “Ok, fine. I’ll take those.” “You want to Supersize that?” ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/10 "2000-08-22T21:30:28Z")
What’s with their pretentious drink sizes? Tall, grande, and venti? Jesus fuck. Tall gets you about three inches worth of battery acid, and what kind of people are supposed to be impressed by sizes called grande and venti? Gimme a break. MR ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/11 "2000-08-22T21:57:40Z")
Black12: hehehehehe! I hope I find you among the contributors to the e-zine! ---
**Author:** ![Ozone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e95f7d/32.png) [@Ozone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ozone)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/12 "2000-08-22T22:12:54Z")
Oh my GOD! I’m sitting here at work actually laughing out loud at all this shit because it’s **SO DAMN TRUE**! I got into the whole small/medium thing with the guy from Domino’s Pizza. “Yeah, I want one of your small pizzas.” “we only have medium and large.” “just give me the **smaller** of your pizzas.” “ok, one **medium** pizza…” Who do these shit-head, teen-aged twirps think they’re talking to? **GRRRRR!** ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/13 "2000-08-23T05:21:37Z")
Thank you ever so much, I was afraid I was going to be bored tomorrow, now I have something to do: Fuck With The Fast Food Shits. Ill cruise around all day long, asking for Small fries, large hamburgers, cheeseburgers with no cheese, and my personal favorite (only available at Der Veniersnitchel) Can I please have a hot dog that your manager has not yet shoved up his or her ass? I mean I am all for masturbation, just so long as its not involving my food, in either insertion, or as a repository. ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2000, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/14 "2000-08-23T06:17:29Z")
I fuckin’ hate fast food, too. But I figured it out. If you have to eat there, you must not give the shmuck credit for any brains at all. If you can event get someone who speaks english, you’re ahead of the game. What you have to do is make your basic order, and then wait for them to ask all the questions, then translate it to “people with half a brain” talk. What I refuse to do is go through a drive-thru with my girlfriend. Here is her typical order, we’ll say at “Tac-O-Hut” for example: “Welcome to Tac-O-Hut, can I take your order?” “Hold on a second please” “Okay, order when you’re ready” “Allright, I’m ready. I’d like one bean burrito, with no onions, extra cheese, sour cream, nacho cheese sauce, and guacamole. I’d also like a nachos grande, with no meat, extra cheese, and no onions. And a medium portion of orange soda, in a large cup, with no ice. And some extra napkins.” “uhhh, that’ll be, um, $4.36, please drive-thru.” And then she gets all pissed off when they fuck it up! Goddamn, you can’t go to fast food and expect 5-star service like that. You may as well tell them “I’d like you to remove the cover from the cash register. Find the two hex-screws attaching the cross-flux trans-regulated fluglebinder to the chassis, and remove them. Using the alligator clips from your volt/ohm meter, hold the green, red, purple, red/green striped, purple/yellow striped and black wires away from the white, yellow, red, black/green striped wires. Take all the remaining wires and strip away a 1/4 inch path for your micronizer, and solder a 1/2 inch piece of moly/titanium flax to the exposed metal. Find a 1/2 picofarad variable adjustment resistor and solder it to the whole she-bang. Adjust the resistance until you can clearly see the difference on the volt/ohm meter, and then back the resistance down until you reach a good read window. Then re-insulate the exposed wires, but only after cross-splicing all opposing striped colors. That should reprogram the key pad to allow you to input my ridiculously complicated order into your ridiculoously simple interface.” If you have to get fast food, keep it simple. Understand that you can’t get your special diet needs taken care of there by making up your own menu. Pull the whole “egg-white ommelette with shallotes” shit on Rodeo Drive all you want, but don’t get pissed when some dumb fuckin’ driver thru clerk can’t make you a special order. It’s just the way it is. Deal with it. Like the fast food matrix says: Good Cheap Fast You can get any two, you can’t have all three. ---
**Author:** ![Lazarus7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/67e7ee/32.png) [@Lazarus7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazarus7)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/15 "2000-08-25T03:08:21Z")
My main fruzing problem with fries at McDick’s is that ordering the large fries does not give you a large fries … you want to order the supersize fries … or the dino fries … or the snoop doggie fries or whatever the frick they want to call it today … usually I just drive up the little clown and say “I’d like a freaking huge order of fries, and a McChicken” … to which I usually hear “A large fries, sir?” … NO … the largest freaking size of fries you have … take that fat kids jacket and fill it with fries if you have to, I just want a fracking goatload of fries!!! … fill my damn car with fries!!! Call it whatever you want (the super goatload size) just give me all your damn fries!! ---
**Author:** ![MrWhy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9f8e36/32.png) [@MrWhy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrWhy)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/16 "2000-08-25T04:15:47Z")
**Lazarus7** , that’s fucking hilarious! I’m sitting here at work with my face bright red and tears streaming down my cheeks. People think I’m a complete nutcase. Thank you for cheering up my otherwise dull day! ---
**Author:** ![Lazarus7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/67e7ee/32.png) [@Lazarus7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazarus7)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/17 "2000-08-25T06:26:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrWhy \* > \*\ ***Lazarus7** , that’s fucking hilarious! > > I’m sitting here at work with my face bright red > and tears streaming down my cheeks. People think > I’m a complete nutcase. > > Thank you for cheering up my otherwise dull day! > \*\* Well you are quite welcome. The great part is that I do that all the time … the McDick’s people even like me (weird sheite, eh?) … Ever since I posted that I have had a hankering for fries (odd word, hankering). My ICQ away message urges my friends to send me fries to support me. None have. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/18 "2000-08-25T06:35:59Z")
I have to agree…there’s something really amusing about the idea of filling someone’s car with fries. I can just picture them with those fry scoops attached to a pole like a little mini shovel. “More! More!” ---
**Author:** ![wireless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f14d63/32.png) [@wireless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wireless)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/19 "2000-08-25T06:38:36Z")
My sides ache, I’ve been laughing so hard! I was just chucking at first and then something about “fracking goatload” just put me over the edge. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can go to sleep happy now! ---
**Author:** ![wireless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f14d63/32.png) [@wireless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wireless)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099/20 "2000-08-25T06:40:31Z")
Chuckling, dammit, chuckling. Not chucking. (That comes later, after eating the carload of fries.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicken/30099.md?page=2)