# Chicks are fucking insane **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 15, 2007, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049 "2007-01-15T10:17:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/1 "2007-01-15T10:17:51Z")
Arghhhhhhhh. Why in the fuck do you womens type of people continue to screw up my existence.I hate touching you freaky-ass-versions-of people because I never have any idea how to. I was minding my own business at the bar and somehow my ugly ass was enlisted to demonstrate how to embrace a women with meaning, for the sake of some younger guys getting a lesson. I have always benn tought to treat women gently, thanks to my 1896 year old relatives. So I do. I never grab a women’s hand with pressure I shake as limply as I can. But noooooooooooooooooo, that iswrong. Aparently I’m supposed to grab with ‘just that’ pressure. My incompetance was the subject of a 90 minute demonstration to the younger guys, and I just don’t get it. I’m a big ugly guy. I have big ugly hands. I can crack lobster claws with a squeeze of the fingers. I have big ugly fatass arms. I can grasp about 400 pounds and lift it off the ground. Telling me I embrace like a wuss is something I go for. I could break your hand easily if I wanted. I could break your back in an embrace if I really tried. I’m trying to be polite like I was taught. I hate dancing, I hate hugging. Why in the hell do you want to force me to to hug you with with some arbitrary percent between 10 and twenty oercent. I could crush you. stop making me guess, because I’m always gonna stop short. Yeah, I’m a crappy, creampuff embracer, I’m gonna avoid hurting you. at all costs, so my pressure will be weak So I guess I’m a wuss. CAUSE I JUST CAN"T TELL THE DIFFERENCE!! ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/2 "2007-01-15T10:27:18Z")
Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/3 "2007-01-15T10:33:10Z")
I am a little confused about the whole bar demonstration thing. Who asked you to demonstrate an embrace? Were the young men doing something wrong and a woman asked you to, or did they ask you to? What exactly did you do that was viewed as incorrect? I am just not sure what exactly happened and who did what. From what I can tell, you shook a woman’s hand very limply. I would guess, there is a difference between gentile and limp, was that the issue? Or, did the woman say you should shake her hand in the standard masculine fashion, firm grip, one or two shakes? As for the hug, did you embrace softly, in a gentle fashion, or did you seek to maintain distance out of fear of intimacy? It is hard to explain the difference, but there are many different types of hugs. But, I completely understand if you are uncomfortable with hugs, especially with people whom you do not feel especially close too. It can be an awkward moment and there is a fine line between a hug of greeting, friendship, comfort and intimacy. I am not a very huggy person and therefore many times I do the “hey I am hugging you, but not wrapping my arms and pulling my body in with yours” type. I just need more information about your situation to determine if your rant is valid about women, because I am pretty sure, at least with hugs, there are many who would agree with me that this is not a man or woman thing. ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/4 "2007-01-15T10:36:50Z")
I don’t understand your post. “womens type of people”??? Was this 90-minute demonstration something that involved an actual “womens type of people,” or was it just “some younger guys” having you demonstrate on one of them? If you were bad at it, why have you demonstrate it? Buh? ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/5 "2007-01-15T10:52:25Z")
Stay away from that bar. ---
**Author:** ![blinkingblinking](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@blinkingblinking](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blinkingblinking)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/6 "2007-01-15T12:14:15Z")
The original post was a bad attempt at humour ? ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/7 "2007-01-15T13:08:40Z")
[QUOTE=blinkingblinking] The original post was a bad attempt at humour ? [/QUOTE] _I_ thought it was funny. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/8 "2007-01-15T13:33:25Z")
[QUOTE=wolfman] I can grasp about 400 pounds and lift it off the ground. [/QUOTE] 400 pounds of lead, or 400 pounds of feathers? It makes a difference, y’know… ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/9 "2007-01-15T13:36:05Z")
[QUOTE=Dijon Warlock] 400 pounds of lead, or 400 pounds of feathers? It makes a difference, y’know… [/QUOTE] No way _known_ you could lift 400lb of feathers. Yer’ arms would have to be 50’ long. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/10 "2007-01-15T13:48:11Z")
You can shake a woman’s hand with the same pressure you shake a man’s hand with. Surely you don’t squeeze a man’s hand to the point where it’s uncomfortable, even though you could? ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/11 "2007-01-15T13:53:53Z")
[QUOTE=ParentalAdvisory] Stay away from that bar. [/QUOTE] Looks like he left just long enough to start a thread and then passed out. He’ll be fine by the afternoon, probably won’t even remember posting this. Been there, done that. ---
**Author:** ![HeidiHo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c0e974/32.png) [@HeidiHo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeidiHo)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/12 "2007-01-15T21:51:33Z")
So, last night I was at a bar, when I spotted this really big, burly guy. He was so big he looked like he could pick up at least 400 pounds. I thought he was cute, but these younger guys kept trying to hit on me. His fingers were so big, they looked like they could crack lobster claws, or maybe even walnuts with just one squeeze. Finally I told the two youngsters that they should stand back and that the burly guy would show them how to treat a lady. The burly guy looked confused, and drunk. But he also clearly liked my butt. At least that’s what I think he meant when he said “Yeshdo haf a nice ash.” So, I asked him to grab me, hold me, show me how a noncreampuff man holds a woman. I wanted to be ravished and feel small and helpless. He came towards me, a frown on his face. I screamed “Take me you big burly, lobster claw-crackin hunk of steaming man.” Slowly he opened his arms, I stepped into them as he seemed confused. He then grabbed his hands, essentially making a wet noodle cage around me. I begged him to hold me tight, hold me like he meant it. But he did no such thing. Scorned, I escaped his feeble embrace and proceded to have hot, nasty sex with the two younger men on the bar while the big burly man watched. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/13 "2007-01-15T21:59:50Z")
It’s a huge problem for manly men. Look at GI Joe with his Kung Fu grip. ---
**Author:** ![Humble\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/47e85d/32.png) [@Humble\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humble_Servant)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/14 "2007-01-15T22:02:52Z")
[QUOTE=Lissa] I would guess, there is a difference between gentile and limp [/QUOTE] Yes, that is correct. [insert happy jewish guy smiley here] ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/15 "2007-01-15T22:06:51Z")
[wolfman’s post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=41419) on not wanting to dance is one of my all time favorite pit OPs. ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/16 "2007-01-15T22:15:35Z")
Loooooola. L O L A Looooola. [guitar riff] -Joe, I’m not dumb but I can’t understand… ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/17 "2007-01-15T22:19:28Z")
[QUOTE=HeidiHo] So, last night I was at a bar, when I spotted this really big, burly guy. He was so big he looked like he could pick up at least 400 pounds. I thought he was cute, but these younger guys kept trying to hit on me. His fingers were so big, they looked like they could crack lobster claws, or maybe even walnuts with just one squeeze. Finally I told the two youngsters that they should stand back and that the burly guy would show them how to treat a lady. The burly guy looked confused, and drunk. But he also clearly liked my butt. At least that’s what I think he meant when he said “Yeshdo haf a nice ash.” So, I asked him to grab me, hold me, show me how a noncreampuff man holds a woman. I wanted to be ravished and feel small and helpless. He came towards me, a frown on his face. I screamed “Take me you big burly, lobster claw-crackin hunk of steaming man.” Slowly he opened his arms, I stepped into them as he seemed confused. He then grabbed his hands, essentially making a wet noodle cage around me. I begged him to hold me tight, hold me like he meant it. But he did no such thing. Scorned, I escaped his feeble embrace and proceded to have hot, nasty sex with the two younger men on the bar while the big burly man watched. 😛 [/QUOTE] So, me and a buddy are at this bar and we’re hitting on this chick with a really nice ass but she goes and starts hitting on this dude with huge lobster-claw-cracking-hands… ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/18 "2007-01-15T22:40:42Z")
[QUOTE=Scylla] It’s a huge problem for manly men. Look at GI Joe with his Kung Fu grip. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but when a woman treats him wrong, he napalms her house. ---
**Author:** ![Hogwash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e57/32.png) [@Hogwash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hogwash)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/19 "2007-01-15T22:51:26Z")
Man, at least you have chicks to hug, however badly you do it. And chicks that ask you to dance, for that matter. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/20 "2007-01-15T23:32:55Z")
Nothing worse than a limp handshake. There’s no excuse for it, no matter your size. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049.md?page=2)