# Chicks are fucking insane **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 15, 2007, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049 "2007-01-15T10:17:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tabula\_Rasa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@Tabula\_Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabula_Rasa)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/21 "2007-01-15T23:39:44Z")
[QUOTE=Indygrrl] Nothing worse than a limp handshake. There’s no excuse for it, no matter your size. [/QUOTE] Yeah, it’s not how big you are, it’s what you can do with yourself. (I’m sorry, but every possible inflection of that sentence amuses me.) ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/22 "2007-01-15T23:43:36Z")
[QUOTE=Nic2004] So, me and a buddy are at this bar and we’re hitting on this chick with a really nice ass but she goes and starts hitting on this dude with huge lobster-claw-cracking-hands… [/QUOTE] See, I _work_ at this bar as a lobster. Suddenly I overhear this big ugly **wolfman** saying he could crack my claws with just a squeeze of his fingers. Needless to say, violence against crustaceans is not appreciated 'round these parts, so I was determined to take action. I needed to warn my step-sister **Heidi** to stay away from this cretin and his companions, before her inner red glow was seen, but before I even blinked again, everyone was everywhere. Some where on the counter having sex ( **Ho** just say no!) and said large fellow was trying to avert their attention by lifting 400 pounds of feathers. Other onlookers, like that **Nic** fellow, just had to confuse matters by loudly braying about a “nice ass.” I swear, aren’t lobsters enough? Must we really bring donkeys into this mess too?? :mad: Haters. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2007, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/23 "2007-01-15T23:54:56Z")
[QUOTE=wolfman] Arghhhhhhhh. I was minding my own business at the bar and somehow my ugly ass was enlisted to demonstrate how to embrace a women with meaning, for the sake of some younger guys getting a lesson. I have always benn tought to treat women gently, thanks to my 1896 year old relatives. So I do. I never grab a women’s hand with pressure I shake as limply as I can. [/QUOTE] Your first mistake was embracing a woman with a handshake. Is this for real? Handshakes are a man-man thing. An embrace is really a hug and that is where you have an opportunity to show class and be appreciated. Women like a snug hug but only to the point where they feel comfortable. If she likes your hug and hugs back you can respond with just a little more intensity than she’s offering. No more , no less. You have to be ready to disengage at the slightest hint from her. She needs to be secure that she is still under her own control. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/24 "2007-01-16T00:07:19Z")
[QUOTE=Scylla] It’s a huge problem for manly men. Look at GI Joe with his Kung Fu grip. [/QUOTE] It’s the Lifelike Hair that gets him the girls. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/25 "2007-01-16T00:52:06Z")
[QUOTE=saoirse] It’s the Lifelike Hair that gets him the girls. [/QUOTE] You ever notice that his shit is permanently on, but his pants come off? _That’s_ what gets him the girls. That and his big gun. Just saying. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/26 "2007-01-16T00:53:18Z")
Shirt\* Damnit, I could some day grow up to be funny, if only I could type. Hell, who am I kidding. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/27 "2007-01-16T00:58:24Z")
If GI Joe’s shit is always on, it is because of the kung fu action grip hands. He can’t wipe his ass with them wadded up like that. But he can do something else with that Kung fu grip action, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/28 "2007-01-16T01:01:41Z")
[QUOTE=The Flying Dutchman] You have to be ready to disengage at the slightest hint from her. She needs to be secure that she is still under her own control. [/QUOTE] Duh…I will hug her, and pet her, and hold her, and squeeze her, and… Tell me about the rabbits again, George! ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/29 "2007-01-16T01:21:18Z")
**HeidiHo** , **Nic2004** , and **faithfool** : You = funny. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/30 "2007-01-16T02:26:50Z")
[QUOTE=dahfisheroo] You ever notice that his shit is permanently on, but his pants come off? _That’s_ what gets him the girls. That and his big gun. Just saying. [/QUOTE] Shit be on? Oh, the shit is permanently on, my friend. That’s GI Joe for you. ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/31 "2007-01-16T03:03:58Z")
Son, there’s not a woman alive who can resist a man who knows how to mambo. [/Homer] ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/32 "2007-01-16T03:45:27Z")
I take it the young guys were the ones giving you grief, **wolfman**? If so, ignore 'em. Let them face their own bills for physiotherapy of their loved ones. Personally, when shaking hands with a fella, I don’t mind the firm handshake (vastly prefer it over the limp, wet-fish type, used by women _and_ men. _shudder_) but I can see your point. There sounds like there’s a lot of heft to your hugs and handshakes. Maybe it might help to say – it’s okay 'till they squeak? ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/33 "2007-01-16T16:20:12Z")
[QUOTE=kambuckta] No way _known_ you could lift 400lb of feathers. Yer’ arms would have to be 50’ long. [/QUOTE] Who said I’m usin’ my arms??? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/34 "2007-01-16T17:00:41Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] But he can do something else with that Kung fu grip action, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. [/QUOTE] Huh huh, yeah, I know what you’re sayin’. Nudge nudge, 😉 ;). I sometimes indulge in that little urge myself. I prefer it with a lemon slice and some drawn butter. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2007, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/35 "2007-01-16T17:36:33Z")
[QUOTE=Indygrrl] Nothing worse than a limp handshake. [/QUOTE] Oh, I can think of at least one thing. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2007, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/36 "2007-01-17T16:32:46Z")
So I was in this bar last night with my girlfriend and some pals. All of a sudden this 400 lb man with lobster claws for hands on these 50’ long noodle arms starts taking his pants off in front of us. Well the next thing I know he starts hugging this dude who looks like G.I. Joe and the two of them are doing the Mambo… ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_Lurker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2bfe46/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_Lurker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_Lurker)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2007, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/37 "2007-01-17T18:31:54Z")
[QUOTE=msmith537] All of a sudden this 400 lb man with lobster claws for hands on these 50’ long noodle arms starts taking his pants off in front of us. [/QUOTE] Was he limp? ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2007, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/38 "2007-01-17T20:31:29Z")
Hell no, his shit be _on_. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/39 "2007-01-17T21:20:12Z")
[QUOTE=Manda JO] You can shake a woman’s hand with the same pressure you shake a man’s hand with. Surely you don’t squeeze a man’s hand to the point where it’s uncomfortable, even though you could? [/QUOTE] Actually, I had this discussion with my boss. I had him shake my hand the way he would a guy’s and it hurt like hell. ---
**Author:** ![Trathena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Trathena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trathena)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2007, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049/40 "2007-01-18T02:58:26Z")
All my life, I’ve hungered for a big, burly man who has huge, ugly arms and can lift 400 pounds. I know that all men of all body types are nice and worth getting to know, but my secret, sexual desires have always leaned toward the husky, hirsute brute of a man, who looks like he could break me in half, and yet possesses the heart and dispostion of the gentlest of giants. What makes my personal preference even more important is that I’ve got a genetic health condition that makes my bones extremely fragile. It’s been hard. I’ve had to make due with smaller, weaker men–all nice–but just not my “type,” you know? Then, recently, I saw him. Across the bar talking with his friends. They were like most men I’ve dated, nice but . . . small. But not my perfect man. I heard him say he could crush lobster claws with his bare hands. I almost orgasmed right there. I happen to love lobster. I crave it. He was my dream man. I began walking to the bar to buy him a drink. But then . . . crap. Oh hell no. He was all over some chick who was clearly fucking insane. He spent 90 minutes trying to impress her. Whatever. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chicks-are-fucking-insane/388049.md?page=3)