# Childhood Folk Songs... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 21, 2000, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978 "2000-09-21T08:39:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/1 "2000-09-21T08:39:06Z")
Remember those folk songs you used to sing in elementary school? No, not the ones the teachers tried to get you to learn; the _other_ ones. The ones we (as kids) taught each other. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones you’d get in trouble for if you sang it in class (or within earshot of an adult authority figure). Songs like the following one:[ul][sup]_Sung to **Colonel Bogey March** , a.k.a. the theme from **The Bridge on the River Kwai**._[/sup] Comet, it makes your teeth turn green. Comet, it tastes like gas-o-line. Comet, will make you vomit, So get some comet, and vomit, to-daaaay![/ul]I seem to recall another one about (rich-and-chocolate-ey) Bosco, but I forget the words. Does anyone else remember songs such as these? ~~Baloo ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/2 "2000-09-21T08:46:44Z")
**To the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic** Glory, glory hallelujah Teacher hit me with a ruler So I whacked her on the butt With a rotten coconut And she ain’t my teacher no more Mine eyes have seen the glory Of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher And we’ve broken every rule \_can somebody help me with the rest, I’ve forgotten it. **To the tune of "Joy to the World"** Joy to the World The Schools burned down The teachers all are dead We’re looking for the principal We’ll hang him by the flagpole With a noose around his neck A noose around his neck A noose, a noose until he’s dead **To the tune of "This Land Is My Land"** This land is my land This land ain’t your land I’ve got a shotgun And you ain’t got one If you don’t get off I’ll blow your head off This land was made for only me ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/3 "2000-09-21T08:49:37Z")
The entire BoBos song? It was sung to “The Bridge on the River Kwai” tune…went something like: Bobos…they make your feet feel fine Bobos…they cost a nickel and a dime God, we were such nasty little kids. For all you non-USA dopers, bobos are what we called cheap tennis shoes, the kind that you could buy at the supermarket. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/4 "2000-09-21T09:06:36Z")
I hate you, you hate me Let’s gang up and kill Bar-ney With a shotgun, bang bang, Barney hits the floor No more purple dinosaur I love you, you love me Homosexuality Barney says that we are only friends But we’re really lesbians Miss Suzy had a tugboat The tugboat had a bell When Suzy went to Heaven The tugboat went to - Hello operator, Please give me Number 9 And if you disconnect me I’ll kick you in - Behind the yellow curtain There was a piece of glass Miss Suzy sat upon it And hurt her big fat - Ask me no more questions I’ll tell you no more lies The boys are in the bathroom Doing up their - Flies are in the city, The bees are in the park The boys and girls are having fun And necking in the dark-dark-dark! And there was the wordless tune that the girls (and the junior faggots, i.e. me) played this complicated clapping game to: Stella stella ola Clap clap clap Singin’ ess chico chico Chico chico crackerjack Ess chico chico I owe, I owe, I gotta blow my nose So one two three four - (repeat) Who writes these things???! Did some primal kid just think them up, or what? And did he/she end up winning a genius grant or going to prison? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/5 "2000-09-21T09:08:30Z")
Oh! How could I forget. When I was in grade 5 during the Gulf War, my older neighbour Ilya Nielsen wrote (to the tune of Jingle Bells (or rather the French version, Vive le Vent): Vive Saddam, Vive Saddam, Vive Saddam Hussein Qui s’en va en char d’assaut dans un pays voisin (Long live Saddam Hussein/Who goes by tank into a neighbouring country)… ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/6 "2000-09-21T09:10:31Z")
Not from _my_ childhood, but when my niece started to like Barney, I had: I love you, you love me Let’s hang Barney from a tree with a big, thick rope and beat him with a stick Purple dinos make me sick. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/7 "2000-09-21T09:12:30Z")
Oh, we can include Christmas carol parodies? Well, did anyone else have the classic: Jingle bells, Batman smells, Joker laid an egg Batmobile broke a wheel and the Joker got away…hey! No? Didn’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/8 "2000-09-21T10:48:39Z")
evilbeth–we had the Jingle Bells, Batman smels one, too… ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/9 "2000-09-21T13:54:06Z")
I remember “There’s a skeeter on my peter whack it off There’s a skeeter on my peter whack it off There’s a skeeter on my peter and another on my brother There’s a skeeter on my peter whack it off” and “3 Irishmen, sitting in a ditch one called the other a dirty son of a … Peter Murphy had a dog, a dirty dog was he along come a bumblebee and stung him on his… cocktail, gingerale 5 cents a glass if you do not like it, you can kiss my … ask me a question, I’ll give you some advice if someone throws a bucket of shit, be sure and close your eyes” and I also remember the jingle bells, batman smells song. In fact, I taught it to my kid last xmas. ---
**Author:** ![Redwing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dfb087/32.png) [@Redwing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redwing)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/10 "2000-09-21T14:01:49Z")
As I recall it: "On top of old Smokey, All covered with sand I shot my poor teacher with a red rubber band. I went to the funeral I went to the grave some people threw flowers, I threw grenades" ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/11 "2000-09-21T14:11:47Z")
My oldest son sings: I hate you, you hate me Let’s hang barney from a tree. With a great big gun and a bullet to the head, aren’t you glad that barney’s dead? I remember this one being sung by the boys at my grade school: Strangers in the night, exchanging rubbers. “This one is too tight”, exchanging rubbers. “This one is too loose, I’m losing all my juuuuuuuice.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trout_Mask_Replica)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/12 "2000-09-21T14:19:14Z")
To the tune of ‘Deck the Halls’: Deck the halls with gasoline Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la la Light a match and don’t be seen Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la la Watch the school burn down to ashes Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la la la Aren’t you glad you played with matches? Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la la To the tune of ‘Row Row Row Your Boat’: Fuck fuck fuck a duck Screw a kangaroo Fingerbang an orangutan An orgy at the zoo! Then there was: Hello mother, hello father, I’ve been smoking marijuana Coke is good, but crack is better I’m too fucked up to finish this letter **Redwing** , we sang that song as well, but we added a third verse to it: I dug up her coffin To make sure she was dead I took a bazooka And I blew off her head. ---
**Author:** ![SoMoMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@SoMoMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoMoMom)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/13 "2000-09-21T14:28:54Z")
evilbeth, we sang “Lost a wheel on the Batmobile, and the joker got away- hey!” tatertot, we sang “Glory, glory, what’s it to ya?” And darn if I can remember the rest after you left off. I hope someone else does. Maybe I’ll ask my hubby. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/14 "2000-09-21T14:40:05Z")
Hey fellers! Check this out! [http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0874834449/qid=969547070/sr=1-2/103-8612493-7626230](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0874834449/qid=969547070/sr=1-2/103-8612493-7626230) Nice, comprehensive book. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/15 "2000-09-22T05:09:34Z")
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule And tomorrow after school we’re gonna hang the principal His truth is marching on Glory, glory halleluiah Teacher hit me with a ruler I met her after school with my loaded .44 And she ain’t my teacher any more. ---
**Author:** ![Mirth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Mirth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mirth)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/16 "2000-09-22T07:52:30Z")
Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Drinking her gasoline. Along came a spider With a cigarrette lighter And blew her to smithereeens. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/17 "2000-09-22T12:53:02Z")
Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, Mutilated monkey meat, Little birdies dirty feet, Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, And I forgot my spoon! Except when I was a kid, I could swear we sang “Chopped-up monkey butts / Mutilated…” I don’t remember what was mutilated. My sister used to sing these two songs to me: He cut his baby brother in two A-rickety-tickety-tin! He cut his baby brother in two And served him up in an Irish stew He served him up in an Irish stew With occasional pieces of skin Of skin With occasional pieces of skin and My little brother has rocks in his head Rocks in his head Rocks in his head My little brother has rocks in his head Rocks in his head! School songs: On top of Old Smokey All covered with blood I shot my poor teacher With a .44 slug I went to her funeral I went to her grave But instead of flowers I threw a grenade and Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho! It’s off to school I go With hand grenades and razor blades Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho heigh-ho! (repeat _ad nauseum_) Never ending stories: My name is Jan Jansen I come from Wisconsin I work in a lumber yard there All the people I meet Upon the street Say, “Hi there! What’s your name?” And I tell them… My name is Jan Jansen I come from Wisconsin… (others, not sung) You remind me of a man What man? The man with the power What power? The power of Hoodoo Hoodoo? You do! Do what? Remind me of a man! What man? … My name’s Leonardo I am a retardo I sit on the steeple And wave at the people And they say, “Hi.” And I say, “Hi.” And they say, “What’s your name?” And I tell them… My name’s Leonardo… That’s tough. What’s tough? Life. What’s life? It’s a magazine. How much is it? A dollar. I only have a quarter. That’s tough. What’s tough? … ---
**Author:** ![Gregor\_Samsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@Gregor\_Samsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gregor_Samsa)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/18 "2000-09-22T16:01:13Z")
Marijuana, marijuana LSD, LSD Scientists make it Teachers take it Why can’t we? Why can’t we? ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/19 "2000-09-22T16:14:34Z")
We broke up, We broke up, We don’t care if the school blows up! No more english, no more french, No more sitting on the old school bench! If the teacher causes trouble Box her ears & give her double If that does not do the trick, Dynamite will do it quick! ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2000, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978/20 "2000-09-22T19:56:09Z")
One we sang was Rudolph the red nosed reindeer reindeer Had a very shiny pistol pistol And if you ever saw it saw it You would drop your pants and run (I always sang it ‘drop your pants’ but seeing it like this I think what it actually was supposed to be was shit or crap) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-folk-songs/33978.md?page=2)