# Childhood Hijinx **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 12, 2019, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414 "2019-02-12T18:37:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/21 "2019-02-13T12:48:05Z")
So many things. For instance, once during recess in the winter, I triple-dog-dared a mid to touch his tounge to a flagpole. He did, and it stuck. Then recess ended and all of us kids ran back in and left him out there. The teacher saw him and they ended up having to have the fire department get him off. That same winter, I really wanted a BB gun for Christmas, but everyone told me that I would just end up shooting myself in the eye. But I was persistent, and did get the gun. But the very first time that I fired it, the BB bounced back, breaking my glasses. I had to pretend that an icicle fell and hit me. A different Christmas, I was accidentally left home alone. And a couple of burglars attempted to rob my house. I had to rig up various elaborate booby traps to defeat them, including hitting them with paint cans and setting their hair on fire. Then one time on Bunta Eve, I entered the big pod race using a racer that I built from scrapyard junk. I ended up winning and won my freedom from a Blue Flying Space Jew. Speaking of jews, this is when I was in my early 30s and not when I was a little kid, but once I went to my local temple and out of nowhere started flipping over tables and yelling at everybody. The other jews were so annoyed that they beat the crap out of me and nailed me to some boards. Also, this one time, in band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/22 "2019-02-13T12:58:29Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > So many things. For instance, once during recess in the winter, I triple-dog-dared a mid to touch his tounge to a flagpole. He did, and it stuck. Then recess ended and all of us kids ran back in and left him out there. The teacher saw him and they ended up having to have the fire department get him off. > > That same winter, I really wanted a BB gun for Christmas, but everyone told me that I would just end up shooting myself in the eye. But I was persistent, and did get the gun. But the very first time that I fired it, the BB bounced back, breaking my glasses. I had to pretend that an icicle fell and hit me. > > A different Christmas, I was accidentally left home alone. And a couple of burglars attempted to rob my house. I had to rig up various elaborate booby traps to defeat them, including hitting them with paint cans and setting their hair on fire. > > Then one time on Bunta Eve, I entered the big pod race using a racer that I built from scrapyard junk. I ended up winning and won my freedom from a Blue Flying Space Jew. > > Speaking of jews, this is when I was in my early 30s and not when I was a little kid, but once I went to my local temple and out of nowhere started flipping over tables and yelling at everybody. The other jews were so annoyed that they beat the crap out of me and nailed me to some boards. > > Also, this one time, in band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy. Was this supposed to be funny? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/23 "2019-02-13T13:25:30Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Was this supposed to be funny? Well, _duuuuh._ You may have noticed some skepticism developing in the minds of some posters with respect to our OP’s seemingly endless fund of memories of childhood pranks. I’m sure **Darren** was expressing his skepticism in what I at least found to be a rather amusing manner. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/24 "2019-02-13T14:21:07Z")
Our favorite sledding place when I was a child was a hill right next to a major highway. We used to have competitions to see who could land closest to the highway. I don’t remember anyone getting hit by a car, but today nobody would let children do that. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/25 "2019-02-13T14:33:04Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Was this supposed to be funny? I think it succeeded. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/26 "2019-02-13T14:39:49Z")
I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. ---
**Author:** ![Stuntman\_Mike](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stuntman_mike/32/334_2.png) [@Stuntman\_Mike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuntman_Mike)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/27 "2019-02-13T15:40:57Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > Well, _duuuuh._ > > You may have noticed some skepticism developing in the minds of some posters with respect to our OP’s seemingly endless fund of memories of childhood pranks. No tale I’ve ever posted here is fabricated. I won’t repeat that in an attempt to sway doubters. Folks can think whatever they want to. But I’m really not sure why there would exist any skepticism… nothing I’ve shared is particularly outrageous. Sometimes cruel, or “over the line”? Maybe, but certainly believable. I was just a mischievous kid who grew up to be a mischievous, albeit successful, adult. We’re a dime a dozen. I also happen to have a ridiculously sharp long-term memory, and a childhood worth revisiting. Nothing wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/28 "2019-02-13T16:26:39Z")
Hey, everyone, if you doubt a tale here, why not just enjoy it and move on to the next one. There’s no way you’ll be able to find out if it’s true or not. Yeah, I’ve got a few (involving huge hand-crafted explosives and cars) that I’m sure would be doubted. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/29 "2019-02-13T17:35:41Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Was this supposed to be funny? I smiled. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/30 "2019-02-13T18:29:48Z")
We used to have ‘Demolition Derby’ with bicycles. The rule was you couldn’t run directly into kid’s legs. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/31 "2019-02-13T18:33:55Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I smiled. “I ended up winning and won my freedom from a Blue Flying Space Jew” “Speaking of jews, this is when I was in my early 30s and not when I was a little kid, but once I went to my local temple and out of nowhere started flipping over tables and yelling at everybody. The other jews were so annoyed that they beat the crap out of me and nailed me to some boards” Try to guess why I _didn’t_ smile. ---
**Author:** ![Royal\_Nonesutch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecb155/32.png) [@Royal\_Nonesutch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Royal_Nonesutch)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/32 "2019-02-13T18:52:22Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > “I ended up winning and won my freedom from a Blue Flying Space Jew” > “Speaking of jews, this is when I was in my early 30s and not when I was a little kid, but once I went to my local temple and out of nowhere started flipping over tables and yelling at everybody. The other jews were so annoyed that they beat the crap out of me and nailed me to some boards” > Try to guess why I _didn’t_ smile. Because you consider smugly, arrogantly insulting and deriding religious people on the Straight Dope to be _your_ schtick and you don’t like someone moving in on your turf? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/33 "2019-02-13T18:57:01Z")
> [@Royal\_Nonesutch](#): > > Because you consider smugly, arrogantly insulting and deriding religious people on the Straight Dope to be _your_ schtick and you don’t like someone moving in on your turf? Your misperceptions are your problem, not mine. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/34 "2019-02-13T19:07:10Z")
My cohorts and I liked to go down and fart around on and by the railroad tracks. The dumbest and most dangerous thing was to climb out under the trestle that went over Chester Creek and then hang on when trains went over. One idiot actually crossed the trestle by means of the steel supports underneath. One slip would have meant death, most likely. When I got my first motorized transport (an Allstate motor scooter), I parked it near the trestle. While we were under it, a train came along and I watched the scooter go flying end over end off the embankment. Hell to pay for that one, I can tell you. The tracks were near Knik Arm, a notoriously treacherous arm of Cook Inlet. The mud was like glue, the tides were/are very fast, and there was raw sewage in some places; yet we would tromp around out there catching sticklebacks or setting off fireworks. In the winter, when the Inlet would mostly freeze over, we’d venture out near the edge and try to break off ice floes, it not occurring to us that we might end up floating out to sea. During one brief and shameful stint as a teen, I allowed my friend to convince me it would be a good idea to slash car tires. I regret doing that to this day. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/35 "2019-02-13T19:18:53Z")
I once convinced three neighborhood friends to _roll their own yards_ so we could accuse another kid of doing it when his yard was the only one of the neighborhood boys whose yard wasn’t rolled. We only used 1 roll of TP each, making it look like he was hurrying to hit all our houses before getting caught. And, yes, I got him grounded for 2 weeks. It was glorious. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/36 "2019-02-13T19:20:29Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > “I ended up winning and won my freedom from a Blue Flying Space Jew” [This](https://www.google.com/search?q=watto+jewish+stereotype&oq=watto+jewish+stereotype&gs_l=mobile-heirloom-serp.12...0.0.2.2145.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0..0.0....0...1c..34.mobile-heirloom-serp..15.6.555.5qoIPBhnXSw). ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/37 "2019-02-13T19:31:17Z")
We’ve done this thread before in various forms, so here is something I posted, er, 11 years ago: > [@What is the strangest act of vandalism you've ever done and what did it mean?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-is-the-strangest-act-of-vandalism-youve-ever-done-and-what-did-it-mean/447433/25): > > I have a few. > > When I was 10, I thought it was the height of hilarity to steal a “Home for Sale” sign and put it in up at a church that was across the street from my neighborhood. Yuck-yuck - God’s home is for sale! Get it??? > > * * * > > A few years later, a friend of mine got upset that his neighbor had a better lawn than he did. So, chemically induced, we go out one night with some of the cheesiest flower-seeds-in-a-$.50-pack and plant them in their flower bed. Since I lived in a completely different neighborhood, I never saw the carnage, well, bloom. > > * * * > > When I was 12 it was 1979 and two Popes died within a month of each other. I told a friend of mine, who was VERY susceptible to Nostradamian claims (her mom was an avid Nat. Enquirer reader, back when it was qwality), that it was predicted that if two Popes died within a month of each other, the world would end the following Friday, at 12:00 noon. > > She believed me, like I knew she would. She told everybody in the school, which was a completely unexpected benefit: you have no idea the inner joy I felt when somebody came up to me a few days later and said “Didja hear? According to the Bible the world is going to end during lunch tomorrow because two Popes died!” “No, really!” “Really! Bobby told me!” (I didn’t tell Bobby and had no idea why he was spreading the rumor, but God favors the fortunate. Or something like that). > > So, sitting in the cafeteria that fateful morning, the weirdest thing happened… _the entire room, full of 200 or so kids, grew quiet_. It was about 11:56 and everybody stopped speaking and started to look at the clock. The teachers (who sat on the stage (the cafeteria doubled as an auditorium)) were looking about, trying to figure out what was up (I’m sure that some of them knew, but there were a number of puzzled glances from some of the more clueless ones). The clock slowly inched towards 12:00… waiting, waiting, the entire room in deep silence. > > Finally, sometime between 12:00 and 12:02, a few people let out some nervous laughs, the kids started talking again, and life resumed its normal course. > > It was the greatest joke I ever perpetrated on anybody in my entire life. And it was a good lesson on human gullibility. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/38 "2019-02-13T19:35:14Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > So many things. For instance, once during recess in the winter, I triple-dog-dared a mid to touch his tounge to a flagpole. He did, and it stuck. Then recess ended and all of us kids ran back in and left him out there. The teacher saw him and they ended up having to have the fire department get him off. > > That same winter, I really wanted a BB gun for Christmas, but everyone told me that I would just end up shooting myself in the eye. But I was persistent, and did get the gun. But the very first time that I fired it, the BB bounced back, breaking my glasses. I had to pretend that an icicle fell and hit me. > > A different Christmas, I was accidentally left home alone. And a couple of burglars attempted to rob my house. I had to rig up various elaborate booby traps to defeat them, including hitting them with paint cans and setting their hair on fire. > > Then one time on Bunta Eve, I entered the big pod race using a racer that I built from scrapyard junk. I ended up winning and won my freedom from a Blue Flying Space Jew. > > Speaking of jews, this is when I was in my early 30s and not when I was a little kid, but once I went to my local temple and out of nowhere started flipping over tables and yelling at everybody. The other jews were so annoyed that they beat the crap out of me and nailed me to some boards. > > Also, this one time, in band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy. Me and my friends decided to go see if the dead man was still laying by the tracks. Me and my friends defeated an evil space clown. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/39 "2019-02-13T19:42:11Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > You may have noticed some skepticism developing in the minds of some posters with respect to our OP’s seemingly endless fund of memories of childhood pranks. I’m sure **Darren** was expressing his skepticism in what I at least found to be a rather amusing manner. The OP should look up threads started by **Master Wang-Ka**. As should anyone else who hasn’t seen them. ---
**Author:** ![Mangosteen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mangosteen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangosteen)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2019, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414/40 "2019-02-13T21:26:09Z")
> [@Stuntman\_Mike](#): > > Another of our favorites was to lie sprawled out on the side of the road, as if we’d been belted by a car and left for dead. > > Surpringly, most passing cars took the bait and stopped to render aid. Of course, when they closed in on foot, we’d hop up and fake a yawn implying we had just been taking a nap. We used dummies. Friend worked in a service station and he would bring home the old oily overalls These were long pants/ long sleeves types. We’d tie up the legs and arms and fill the body with crumbled newspaper. Tie some old shoes on the legs and put a hat on the collar. Looked real at night. We’d be at the side of a not too busy street and one of us would be holding up the dummy and another two would be beating the shit out of it with their fists. Cars would stop, we’d drop the dummy and run. The Good Samaritan would pick up the body and say, “Its only a dummy, honey” to his concerned wife. Variations included taking the dummy for a ride on a motorcycle and having it cartwheel off going around a turn in front of a vehicle that was closely following us. Hanging it with a noose from a tree or just lay it face down in the gutter of a busy street. Worst problem as those damn “teenagers” who would just take it and throw it into their car. Also ambulances were occasionally sent to the scene. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childhood-hijinx/829414.md?page=3)