# Childish bday girl, how to approach this situation? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 25, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749 "2011-10-25T17:16:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/41 "2011-10-25T22:01:12Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > If it wasn’t her birthday I’d say screw what she thinks. But since this is her thing, dammit she should be able to invite/not invite whoever she wants, for whatever reason - even petty ones. And you can choose whether to join the party or not. Excluding someone for this petty, silly, and frankly rude reason would not make me want to celebrate with her. If I knew what you know, I’d excuse myself and say something came up. I’d probably not mention that what came up was my bile. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/42 "2011-10-25T22:02:11Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > Yeah, she probably will. People can choose to either be in the wedding or not. > > If it wasn’t her birthday I’d say screw what she thinks. But since this is her thing, dammit she should be able to invite/not invite whoever she wants, for whatever reason - even petty ones. But should she be able to DISinvite someone who she already said could come? That’s a different question. And no one should ever do that, no matter how special a princess they are. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/43 "2011-10-25T22:18:52Z")
I think that it’s pretty damn tricky to go on a couples weekend at all, let alone with people who barely know each other. I wouldn’t have invited Stella in the first place until she met the rest of the group. You never know how people are going to gel, and 5 hours away from home isn’t the place to find out that two people detest each other. Since there is friction already, I think S should bow out for the sake of harmony, but only because she was the last person invited. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/44 "2011-10-25T22:40:27Z")
> [@DaveBfd](#): > > Ana is not necessarily being a bitch to stella, they havent met. Ana sees stella as competition and I expect Ana sees this night as mainly a way for her to get attention from guys at the club, despite being in a relationship. Because she is unhappy with her current relationship I expect she sees this as a night where she can get the attention she needs from random dudes which can not happen any other time. Sorry, but that still doesn’t make any kind of sense in the world of adults. Just a few of the inconsistencies include: [ol] [li]You can get male attention even when you are with more attractive people. [/li][li]There will be people who are much more attractive than either one of them at these clubs- Ana probably will not be the super star of the club no matter how she uglifies her entourage.[/li][li]You shouldn’t be seeking out a ton of male attention when you are in a relationship, anyway. If you don’t like your boyfriend, have the ovaries to break up with him first before you go grinding on men in clubs. [/ol][/li] If Ana wants to throw her own birthday party, she can invite whoever she wants. But on a multi-day gathering of a circle of friends, it’s not appropriate to exclude anyone from group activities, and frankly her birthday just isn’t that big of a deal. You’re birthday is not your wedding. It’s not your “special day” and nobody besides your mother really gives a fig. Anyway, Katrina and Stella are perfectly in line finding their own entertainment for the evening. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/45 "2011-10-25T22:44:54Z")
Someone ought to have the right to spend their birthday with the people they want. A and S are not friends, so why should A feel like she’s obligated to let S in the celebration? The fact that K is planning to ditch A on her birthday to hang out with S instead is proof that A’s fears were completely justified, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/46 "2011-10-25T23:18:16Z")
If I were only going to go to bars where all of the women were uglier than I am, I would have to live my life entirely within a John Waters movie. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/47 "2011-10-26T01:48:25Z")
She’s not going to be thrilled with getting older, either. Hello, wrinkles, grey hair, and long boobs! Good ta meetcha! ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/48 "2011-10-26T02:00:14Z")
So Ana hasn’t actually met Stella yet, and is just going on other people’s opinions that she’s pretty? I’m just imagining the moment when they meet and Ana takes one look and says, “Really? I guess there is no accounting for taste!” to herself. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/49 "2011-10-26T02:31:41Z")
Well, to be honest, **Dave** hasn’t even spoken with Anastasia, this is all second-hand about her not wanting the other woman there because she’s prettier. Kristen is supposedly Anastasia’s best friend, but she’s willing to bring to Anastasia’s party someone Ana doesn’t know, and then leave the party early. I just don’t thinkthe whole story is being told, and even if it is, Kristen isn’t acting much like a best friend. My advice for the OP is to stay out of it. StG ---
**Author:** ![DaveBfd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DaveBfd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveBfd)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/50 "2011-10-26T02:37:33Z")
I think pretty much every post says what i’m thinking, excluding the ones hating on Katrina. I am not Stella’s SO either, I’m a mutual friend of all three so it is (arguably) in my interest to try to make it end well, especially since I will be driving with them. I was also interested in the psychology of why Ana would say something so ridiculous. The advice of me staying out of it is exactly why I am not speaking to Ana. I am trying to solve it from the shadows without dealing with it directly. ## I assure you I wouldn’t associate with them if this happened often, this is the first time in 5 years we have had something like this, or even something related to trouble between acquaintances happen. To Recap: Katrina and Ana offered this idea up as a mutual thing (I assume, it tends to be how our group works) because we have always thought the more the merrier, and in general we get along with everyone (except now, Ana, apparently). This is a multiple day event, and not only for Ana’s birthday. Ana _is_ being a twit, but she _does_ have some choice to pick who goes to her birthday. She allowed Stella to come based on her recommendation by Katrina, later finding out that Stella was pretty and dis-inviting her. She shouldn’t have created this barrier based on looks under any circumstance. Katrina is (thinking of, id prefer a better solution and she hasnt said it yet. This is also only because she doesnt know how else to handle it) ditching Ana on her birthday to make a point about how stupid Ana is being. She also said that she doesnt want Stella to meet Ana if Ana is going to be holding a grudge and judging her because she doesnt want her there. It seems practical to me. I told Katrina to simply flat out tell Ana that dis-inviting Stella will not solve Ana’s personal problems (as mentioned above) and that she needs to deal with it at some point instead of just excluding people out of her life for no real reason. This is not going to help her in any way and things like this are alienating her from her friends on an (obviously) important day. ## If anyone can word that paragraph more romantically I would be appreciative. Im sorry for adding information as the thread progressed and not all at once, I kind of used it as a brainstorm to understand with your help as I found out about what was going on. Does my interpretation look fair under what is described above? I hope the names you chose for my friends were those of large hurricanes. I only know one is for sure. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/51 "2011-10-26T03:45:01Z")
> [@dangermom](#): > > But should she be able to DISinvite someone who she already said could come? That’s a different question. And no one should ever do that, no matter how special a princess they are. From what I took away from reading the OP, A never invited S to anything, K invited her. I never saw anything about A consenting to S being there, either. I may have missed something, though. ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/52 "2011-10-26T09:31:48Z")
Well clubbing in Montreal is full of pretty girls so the insecure girl is in for a doozy when she gets there. How will she cope? The S girl should go with the guys as a compromise and meetup with them on the non birthday day later. Or tell her friend to suck it up and try to get along for the sake of the greater outing the whole group is trying to have. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/53 "2011-10-26T13:36:20Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > From what I took away from reading the OP, A never invited S to anything, K invited her. I never saw anything about A consenting to S being there, either. > > I may have missed something, though. Alice consented to Sara being there until she found out that Svetlana was pretty. Both Andrea and Karen sound like real pieces of work. Here’s to hoping that at least Samantha is not a petty child. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/54 "2011-10-26T13:46:32Z")
Okay, the one piece of information that isn’t explicitly clear to me at this point is: Is Stella aware that Ana has disinvited her? Or is she still about to be blindsided? Is anyone talking to Stella about Ana’s twittiness? (Oooo! I invented a word!) ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/55 "2011-10-26T15:18:53Z")
Isn’t being seen hanging out with the Beautiful People generally good thing? I can’t imagine a group of guys seeing their group and thinking, “Ohhhh, too much honey in that pot!” and avoiding them. I would agree with others in this thread. Ana is Plato’s form of the Crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/56 "2011-10-26T15:28:58Z")
> [@DaveBfd](#): > > I am trying to solve it … Classic mistake. The best possible outcome from this situation would be your learning not to do this. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/57 "2011-10-26T16:15:59Z")
Actually, it’s to one’s advantage to go out with women prettier than you are. The pretty girls attract all the boys and they can only talk to/flirt/dance/bang one at a time, so the lesser pretties get the leftovers. Win - win. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/58 "2011-10-28T22:18:05Z")
> [@DaveBfd](#): > > Katrina is ditching Ana on her birthday to make a point about how stupid Ana is being. But a friend should not be ditching someone to teach them a lesson. It is not a friend’s job to punish you for your mistakes. And you shouldn’t ditch anyone–that’s the coward’s way out and gives Ana legitimate reason to be upset. As you say, she needs to talk to Ana, being as nice and understanding as she can, and working out a compromise. And if that doesn’t work, then she tells her the consequences–that she is not uninviting Stella due to Ana’s insecurities (as I assume that is her decision, rather than the alternative which is lying for her), and that she’d rather call the whole thing off. While I have experience with the first part (making compromises and mediating between friends), I don’t with the second, so I don’t know what will happen to the friendship if the ultimatum is made. I just know that those usually don’t end with people on happy terms. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2011, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749/59 "2011-10-29T12:56:37Z")
K needs to be honest with A about the fact that she doesn’t like her company very much, and thinks S is way more fun. Seriously, the outing just needs to be cancelled at this point. It’s obvious that A’s birthday is just an excuse to party. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childish-bday-girl-how-to-approach-this-situation/600749.md?page=2)