# childless by choice...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [March 4, 2008, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036 "2008-03-04T15:25:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/1 "2008-03-04T15:25:02Z")
Some dopers have stated ( in various threads )that they remain childless by choice…
It is their choice , fine…
Will they explain why ?? I am really curious as to their reasoning …
indian
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/2 "2008-03-04T15:29:09Z")
I have genetic problems and I was raised in an extremely abusive environment. I was afraid of giving my children genetic problems and then abusing them, which would make me worse. The idea of abusing my own children made me decide to not have any.
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### Author:  [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/3 "2008-03-04T15:35:46Z")
I HAVE kids and I can come up with probably about a dozen reasons just off the top of my head why someone wouldn’t want to have kids. Is this really a huge mystery? Don’t want the responsibility, don’t want the expense, don’t want to be tied down and miss out on traveling and entertainment, concerned about not being a good parent, concerned about world overpopulation, or maybe just simply does not enjoy being around children.
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/4 "2008-03-04T15:37:44Z")
I never wanted kids. The mystery to me is those who do.
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### Author:  [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/5 "2008-03-04T15:38:02Z")
Hi Annie,
do you firmly belive that someone who was brought up in an abusive enviornment cannot be a good parent ??
Abusive environment in one’s past can lead to a conscious decision and effort of not abusing your kids also… do you agree with this statement ??
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### Author:  [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/6 "2008-03-04T15:39:11Z")
[QUOTE=MsWhatsit]
concerned about not being a good parent, concerned about world overpopulation, or maybe just simply does not enjoy being around children.
[/QUOTE]
**MsWhatsit** said my top 3 better than I could have.
Knead
Shooting Blanks since 1997
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### Author:  [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/7 "2008-03-04T15:39:13Z")
I love kids and am the favorite aunt to many (I mention that only so that you know that I’m not an ogre to kids). I don’t want my own. I want to be able to do what I want to when I want to. I don’t want to deal with all the stuff that goes into raising kids. It works out well, because I am never tired of them (kids) and have lots of energy for them when I get to see them. I get the best of them and they get the best of me. I have never in my life had this burning desire to be a mom, be pregnant, or give birth.
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### Author:  [@Not\_a\_Platypus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_a_Platypus)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/8 "2008-03-04T15:40:38Z")
My main reason is that I just don’t want the responsibility, nor do I want to give up the lifestyle I have.
I think that if I were to have kids (not with my current boyfriend, since he’s adamant that he never wants them) I could be a decent mom, but I just don’t want to be.
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### Author:  [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/9 "2008-03-04T15:41:20Z")
[QUOTE=indian]
Hi Annie,
do you firmly belive that someone who was brought up in an abusive enviornment cannot be a good parent ??
Abusive environment in one’s past can lead to a conscious decision and effort of not abusing your kids also.. do you agree with this statement ??
[/QUOTE]
I’m just gonna stop you right there, friend, and ask why you’re wanting people to defend their positions on this topic. If someone feels they wouldn’t make a good parent, or feels that they just don’t want to have kids for whatever reason, then _they should not_. And they should not be pestered by others who demand that they explain why their reasons are logical and valid, either. If you’re interested in the topic of whether abused children can grow up to be non-abusive parents, maybe you should start a separate thread on that.
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### Author:  [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/10 "2008-03-04T15:44:44Z")
[QUOTE=MsWhatsit]
If someone feels they wouldn’t make a good parent, or feels that they just don’t want to have kids for whatever reason, then _they should not_.
[/QUOTE]
Absolute agreement. I told a co-worker once, long ago, when she commented that she was unsure if she wanted kids or not, “Then you probably do. When you don’t want kids, _you know_.”
She told me several years and 2 kids later that that was one of the best pieces of advice she ever got.
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/11 "2008-03-04T15:44:42Z")
I’ve never felt a desire to be a parent, not even when I was growing up. I firmly believe that quite a few people have children because that’s the societal expectation, or some might think it’ll be different if it’s their own child. I’ve had people tell me the latter, and my response is, what if it’s not different? I wonder how many people were raised by parents who didn’t want to be parents even after the arrival of the child, and how that might screw up multiple lives in the process.
In discussions like these I don’t mind the “why not?” questions but in person it feels different - especially if the asker seems to be trying to “convert” me. Perhaps someday I’ll be rude enough to ask why on earth they wanted to have a child.
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### Author:  [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/12 "2008-03-04T15:46:51Z")
Ms,
I am not here to pass judgement
I definitely did not mean to intrude futher or provoke… sorry if my question turned out that way.
…
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### Author:  [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/13 "2008-03-04T15:47:24Z")
[QUOTE=indian]
…Will they explain why ?? I am really curious as to their reasoning…
[/QUOTE]
What do you mean, “why?” :dubious:
Some people may have specific reasons why, but none is required.
Is having children the default?
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/14 "2008-03-04T15:53:09Z")
[QUOTE=garygnu]
Is having children the default?
[/QUOTE]
Considering that the OP is from India, I’d guess that yes, having children is probably the default in his (her?) culture and s/he’s trying to understand part of our different culture.
Jeez, not every question is an attack, people!
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### Author:  [@ErinPuff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ErinPuff)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/15 "2008-03-04T15:53:46Z")
I don’t want to have sex with men, I don’t want to be pregnant, I don’t want to give birth, I don’t like kids, I don’t have the energy to deal with them, I don’t want to have to worry about making enough money to support anyone besides myself, I don’t think I would be a good parent, elementary school choir/band concerts give me a headache (but if I had kids, I would cruelly force them to do music), I don’t want to clean up baby food or vomit or poo, I don’t want the responsibility of trying to get angry teenagers to grow up into decent people, I don’t want to host parties with multiple screaming children running around making a mess of things, I don’t like children’s media (with the exception of a few books), I don’t want to listen to the whining…
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### Author:  [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/16 "2008-03-04T15:56:23Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Considering that the OP is from India, I’d guess that yes, having children is probably the default in his (her?) culture and trying to understand part of our different culture.
[/QUOTE]
there are people here in India who decided \*\*not \*\* to have kids.. and reasons( from whatever I read in newspapers), are pretty similar to those given above .
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### Author:  [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/17 "2008-03-04T15:57:14Z")
[QUOTE=indian]
Ms,
I am not here to pass judgement
I definitely did not mean to intrude futher or provoke.. sorry if my question turned out that way.
…
[/QUOTE]
I apologize for misinterpreting your intent! Sorry, I blame too many years of seeing flame-wars erupt on this topic elsewhere on the Internet.
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/18 "2008-03-04T16:02:04Z")
[QUOTE=indian]
Hi Annie,
do you firmly belive that someone who was brought up in an abusive enviornment cannot be a good parent ??
Abusive environment in one’s past can lead to a conscious decision and effort of not abusing your kids also.. do you agree with this statement ??
[/QUOTE]
No, I don’t believe that everyone who was brought up in an abusive environment cannot be a good parent. My sister the lesbian grew up in the same environment, and she has raised six lovely daughters.
But I wasn’t willing to take the risk of becoming an abusive parent. I personally chose not to take that risk.
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### Author:  [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/19 "2008-03-04T16:04:16Z")
I think that if I ever had a suprise child I would probably end up being pretty good at the whole mom thing, but I don’t ever want to be in a position to find out for sure one way or the other. I don’t ever want to be pregnant or give birth. Many women feel this surge of joy when they think about carrying a life inside them but the thought fills me with fear. I don’t want to be responsible for another person or deal with all the hassles that come along with having a child.
My hope is that my brother has a gaggle of children that I can love and spoil and send home when I tire of them so that I can then go to the opera or an R rated movie.
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### Author:  [@Dervorin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dervorin)
#### Post date: [March 4, 2008, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childless-by-choice/440036/20 "2008-03-04T16:04:26Z")
[QUOTE=MsWhatsit]
I’m just gonna stop you right there, friend, and ask why you’re wanting people to defend their positions on this topic. If someone feels they wouldn’t make a good parent, or feels that they just don’t want to have kids for whatever reason, then _they should not_. And they should not be pestered by others who demand that they explain why their reasons are logical and valid, either. If you’re interested in the topic of whether abused children can grow up to be non-abusive parents, maybe you should start a separate thread on that.
[/QUOTE]
I’m not quite seeing the reason for the intensity of emotion on display here. It’s hardly as though people are having a gun held to their heads to make them reply to this thread - if you reply, the understanding is that you’re willing to have a discussion about the topic. If you don’t want to defend yourself, or not reply, skim over or avoid the thread.
I don’t see why an innocent question needs to provoke such a pile-on.
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