# Children addressing adults as "ma'am" or "sir" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2007, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759 "2007-06-28T13:16:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Wee\_Bairn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90db22/32.png) [@Wee\_Bairn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wee_Bairn)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/21 "2007-06-28T15:50:45Z")
I think its pointless. If you tell your child to say ma’am and sir to other adults, that’s one thing- learning courtesy and respect, I can understand that. But someone who insists a child say ma’am and sir to them personally is on the worst kind of power trip. ---
**Author:** ![Frosted\_Glass](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frosted_glass/32/3926_2.png) [@Frosted\_Glass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frosted_Glass)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/22 "2007-06-28T15:53:59Z")
I use “ma’am” or “sir” for strangers and the occasional family friend who is not close enough to warrant an “aunt” or “uncle” so and so. Basically if I call you “Miss” first name then you will be addressed as “ma’am” unless you tell me otherwise. Since I live in NJ, however, I often find myself being corrected by women who feel that they are too young to be addressed as “ma’am”. My parents are both from the South and that is where I spent my summers so it has become habit for dealing with strangers. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/23 "2007-06-28T16:01:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **A.R. Cane** > _They also called other adults by their first name, preceded by Mr. or Miss (if they knew them well, last name if they didn’t)_ I grew up doing that, too. The when I ran a day camp and volunteered as a tutor, I became Miss [First Name]. I like it. It strikes a nice balance between respect and informality. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/24 "2007-06-28T16:02:11Z")
I’m 20, and I picked rhem up working in the customer service industry. Now I use them any time I’m at work, with my co-workers (regardless of age), and people older than me in my everyday life. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/25 "2007-06-28T16:05:28Z")
The Thais, such as the ones working in the tourism industry or any business catering to Westerners, invariably tend to call men and women alike “Sir”, like Marcie in _Peanuts_ to Peppermint Patty. I think “Ma’m” must be covered in the next year’s lessons, dunno. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/26 "2007-06-28T16:10:29Z")
[QUOTE=burundi] I grew up doing that, too. The when I ran a day camp and volunteered as a tutor, I became Miss [First Name]. I like it. It strikes a nice balance between respect and informality. [/QUOTE] This is the norm in Thailand. There is the first name followed by the surname, same order as in the West, but everyone uses the first name after the Thai equivalent of Mr, Mrs or Miss. (There’s no Ms in Thai.) It does sound nice. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/27 "2007-06-28T16:17:26Z")
When speaking with people I don’t know, I’ll typically call them ma’am or sir unless told otherwise; when speaking to my parents or other family members, it’s whatever honorific (Aunt Jo, mom, dad, etc.) they’re associated with. If I’m talking to my son about one of his caregivers at daycare, I always refer to them as Miss X and will expect him to do so when he learns to address people other than me by name or title. I wouldn’t expect him to refer to me or other family members as ma’am or sir, but would expect him to use the above honorifics I do. I do think it’s a little strange to always refer to your parents as ma’am or sir, but to say “No, ma’am or sir” on occasion to a yes or no question isn’t all that odd in my opinion. I do it sometimes, too, though when done too often, it does start sounding like you’re a member of the waitstaff at a restaurant. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/28 "2007-06-28T16:20:11Z")
My s/o was in Cadets for 9 years and learned how to do a proper handshake and address people as Sir or Ma’am. tbh, I think people are impressed by how respectful and formal he is (no problems introducing him to the CEO of the company I work for at Christmas, that’s for sure). He addresses his parents as Mom or Dad. I was always taught Mr. or Ms./Mrs. and last name, and that’s how I addressed all of my non-family elders and my friends parents. I think my s/o and I agree that when we have kids we will probably tend towards his upbringing style rather then mine. ---
**Author:** ![UntouchedTakeaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d78d45/32.png) [@UntouchedTakeaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UntouchedTakeaway)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/29 "2007-06-28T16:22:40Z")
Raised in the south in the 60s - “ma’am” and “sir” were requirements. VCNJ~ ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/30 "2007-06-28T16:28:35Z")
My children have been taught to be polite. That means that they say “yes ma’am, yes sir, no ma’am and no sir” to **all** adults, including my husband and me. I don’t really enforce it as regards me or my husband, but I will if they start getting lippy. It truly is a southern thing. Of course, what’s funny is that I don’t like being addressed as “ma’am” in public settings, but I accept it, because _this is the South_ and it’s going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/31 "2007-06-28T16:45:50Z")
For family members? No. It’s Aunt/Uncle/Grandpa/Grandpa/Mom/Dad For friends of the family? It’s Miss First Name or Mister First Name. For strangers? Ma’am and Sir. Raised in the South (well, Florida). ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/32 "2007-06-28T16:46:46Z")
Kids are amazingly adaptable. I live in Mississippi, so ma’am and sir are absolutely the norm here. However, my mother is from Chicago, and it was never the norm in my house growing up, and I think it’s kinda silly. I don’t make my kids say it around the house. But, they are both required to follow the etiquette rules where they are, so my son says it at school now (my daughter isn’t in school yet). They both just started daycare, and they don’t require ma’am and sir there, but it is a Christian daycare. I am an atheist, and so is my son. But, this is the Bible Belt, and he knows he has to respect other people’s views. When they pray at daycare, he bows his head and closes his eyes, and stands quietly. When they talk about Bible stories, he knows better than to say, “There is no God; all this is just made up,” as he will often do at home. Thank goodness! ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/33 "2007-06-28T17:53:21Z")
When my kids were growing up, back in the 80’s, I was always dumbfounded when their friends addressed me by my first name. When I was a kid, non-family adults were **always** Mr. or Mrs. X (or sir/ma’am if you didn’t know the name). If I had ever called an adult by their first name my mom would have been mortified. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/34 "2007-06-28T18:11:42Z")
[QUOTE=FatBaldGuy] When my kids were growing up, back in the 80’s, I was always dumbfounded when their friends addressed me by my first name. When I was a kid, non-family adults were **always** Mr. or Mrs. X (or sir/ma’am if you didn’t know the name). If I had ever called an adult by their first name my mom would have been mortified. [/QUOTE] I am usually just “mom” to my daughter’s friends (heck, I know most of them better than their own parents do anyway!), but one of her friends is in the “let’s act out when my parents aren’t around and be ‘cool’” mode currently, so she likes to call me by my first name. I actually don’t mind it, but my daughter is mortified by it. She keeps asking me if it’s ok that KT calls me by my name instead of Ms. Sterling’s Mom or just mom. ETA my daughter and all her friends are teenagers. (14-18 year olds) ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/35 "2007-06-28T18:20:38Z")
I was thoroughly drilled to say Mrs. (or Mr.) So-and-so by my parents to strangers I didn’t know, like **FatBaldGuy** –Ms. came later on. No way would I attempt a first name. And I’m 20 now, and it _still_ felt weird recently to call one of my professors by his first name. ---
**Author:** ![Smooth\_Jack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Smooth\_Jack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smooth_Jack)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/36 "2007-06-28T18:26:37Z")
I still address my parents this way, and I’m 38. I don’t require it of our kids, though. I like the idea in principle, but understand that it’s not the norm in our area. It’s an uphill battle to get your kids to behave in ways that aren’t normal with their peers. I prefer to pick my battles. If we lived in the South, I’d definitely have the kids saying sir and ma’am. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/37 "2007-06-28T18:35:13Z")
I was raised to say ma’am and sir to elders in response to yes or no questions. A sullen, gum-smacking “yeah” was not on. It still shouldn’t be, IMHO. Didn’t have it beaten into me, it was just what you did. My wife wasn’t raised that way, even though her parents are Southern. She doesn’t think it’s necessary for our kids to do it. I think it would be very nice if they did, but it’s not like they ever listen to me, anyway. I think it’s common courtesy, and I’m not happy that it’s not used more. It doesn’t cost anything or cause pain. I guess we’re just becoming a nation of slouchy, rude people. ---
**Author:** ![Sofaspud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8491ac/32.png) [@Sofaspud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofaspud)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/38 "2007-06-28T18:50:52Z")
[QUOTE=A.R. Cane] My stepchildren used Ma’am and Sir, they also called other adults by their first name, preceded by Mr. or Miss (if they knew them well, last name if they didn’t). The kids were about 4 and 6 when I came upon the scene and they had already learned this. I found it a bit strange at first, but soon got used to it. Neither their mother, nor I, made an issue of it if they didn’t do it, but they did it most of the time. [/QUOTE] Pretty much the same here. I was raised this way, my wife was raised this way (Air Force brat, grew up in Germany, dunno if that’s a factor), we’re raising my son this way. We don’t require him to use sir or ma’am in the house with just us, but we DO require some form of polite indication that he’s heard us when we’ve told him to do something. Generally he responds with “Yes, sir,” to me and “Okay, mommy” to my wife. Both are fine with us. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/39 "2007-06-28T18:53:56Z")
Raised in the northern south, and I call women and men who are older than me ma’am and sir. I called my parents mom and dad or, later, by their names. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/40 "2007-06-28T19:09:48Z")
I’m all in favor of the kids saying it to non-relatives, just not at home. I want the kids to be at ease with me. I don’t get sullen "yeah"s, I get chipper "okay Mom!"s. It’s not necessary for our every interaction to underscore that I’m the one in charge. Me and the kids…we kind of _like_ each other. This bootlicking is not necessary. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759.md?page=3)