# Children addressing adults as "ma'am" or "sir" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 28, 2007, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759 "2007-06-28T13:16:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pithy\_Moniker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8dc957/32.png) [@Pithy\_Moniker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pithy_Moniker)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/41 "2007-06-28T19:13:07Z")
My ex-stepfather required my brother and me to use it for all adults. I resented using it for relatives and friends and so gave it up when I hit my teenage years. As a matter of fact, I’ve called my grandmother by her first name since my late teens because we worked at the same place for several years. She likes it because it’s more familiar. I’ve asked all of my nieces and nephews to call me by my first name. I still use it for strangers mainly because it’s expected 'round heah. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/42 "2007-06-28T19:17:57Z")
I was raised in Florida in a generations-old Florida family. Yes, ma’am and Yes, sir were non-negotiable when speaking to anyone older than you. If you were speaking directly to them, it was Mom or Aunt Jan or Granny or Miss Paulette, but if you were responding to a question or acknowledging a direction, it was Yes, ma’am or No ma’am. Still is, in my family. I don’t have kids, but if I did, that’s how I’d raise them. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/43 "2007-06-28T19:52:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Dung Beetle** > _Me and the kids…we kind of like each other. This bootlicking is not necessary._ It’s not bootlicking any more than “please” and “thank you” is bootlicking. It’s basic courtesy in many parts of the US, though it may not be common where you live. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/44 "2007-06-28T20:04:03Z")
I’m in the South, North Florida to be exact. It’s common, but not among family members. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/45 "2007-06-28T22:30:53Z")
I always did it to adults I didn’t know. To adults I did, it was: Mr/Miss \. ---
**Author:** ![Cunctator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/43a26b/32.png) [@Cunctator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cunctator)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/46 "2007-06-28T22:41:18Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] Did your parents teach you to do it, and what were your feelings about that? [/QUOTE] At school we’d use “sir” for the lay teachers but in social situations we were taught to address people by their surnames: Mr X; Mrs Y. Sir/ma’am socially was considered rather odd. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2007, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/47 "2007-06-28T23:36:59Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] I just got my son back from a prolonged visit to his grandma’s house. Last night, I asked him a question and he answered me, “Yes ma’am”. I looked at him as if he had just grown another head and he explained that his grandma had really been after him to start using that word when he addressed her. I didn’t say anything to that, but I probably will if he keeps it up because I really don’t care for it being used on me by my own children. I think it’s great for kids to “sir” or “ma’am” their elders (I do it myself), but not their own family members, for pete’s sake! (Except Grandma Cathy, who never made _me_ do it…) So anyway, I thought I’d ask for opinions on this subject. Do your children address you in this way? Did your parents teach you to do it, and what were your feelings about that? [/QUOTE] Your home is your home. I say “Yes sir” to my dad (but never “Yes ma’am” to my stepmother), but other rules happily apply in other households. I expect and demand that my daughter to address all adults as “Sir/Ma’am” - I have no fear of immediately correcting her when she flubs, much to her displeasure. 😉 However, she’s a fast learner. I don’t expect her to say “Yes sir” to me, unless I’m lecturing her about something - It’s a situational thing, one where you just have to be there. 99% of the time it’s “Dad” or “Daddy”. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/48 "2007-06-29T00:31:10Z")
[QUOTE=An Arky] I was raised to say ma’am and sir to elders in response to yes or no questions. A sullen, gum-smacking “yeah” was not on. It still shouldn’t be, IMHO. Didn’t have it beaten into me, it was just what you did. My wife wasn’t raised that way, even though her parents are Southern. She doesn’t think it’s necessary for our kids to do it. I think it would be very nice if they did, but it’s not like they ever listen to me, anyway. I think it’s common courtesy, and I’m not happy that it’s not used more. It doesn’t cost anything or cause pain. I guess we’re just becoming a nation of slouchy, rude people. [/QUOTE] Preach on, brotha. I yes ma’am and yessir and no ma’am with the best of 'em. Oddly enough, I learned this as a kid, but it really became a habit in junior high, when most of my age bracket were dropping their manners like they were… well, going out of style. I, too, might have lost the habit, except that my 9th grade civics teacher was a cutsie-pie 26 year old at her first teaching job, and called us all Miss/Mr. firstname and occasionally Miss/Mr. lastname. She’d also “yes ma’am”, “no, sir” and “thank you, ma’am!” us as well, . It encouraged me that she, barely older than us, showed manners to be charming and endearing and respectful to people in all different stations with respect to yourself. That is to say, she treated us with manners and courtesy, even though she was “the boss” and we were a herd of 13 year old maniacs. And we _loved_ her for the way she made us feel like… people. I’ll never forget how it feels being addressed personally and with courtesy, and it’s a habit that has solidly stuck. I was raised to call people by their title (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr., Fr., Sra., and so on)+ last name. Now as an adult, I sort of wish I could still use this form of address, but it’s so uncommon in my age-group as to be laughable, so I don’t. It would be nice to have some way to address someone with whom you don’t really have a relationship–I feel awkward calling my neighbors Leroy and Nancy when I’ve seen them twice face-to-face in three years. However, I don’t know their last name and this is how they were introduced so here I am. ---
**Author:** ![gfloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@gfloyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gfloyd)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/49 "2007-06-29T03:12:29Z")
I was raised that people have names and to use them. I would never dream of calling my parents sir or ma’am. I think they’d check me for a fever. I never called adults other than teachers Mr or Mrs or what have you. I was on a first name basis with almost all of my professors in college. I find needless formalities demeaning (to both parties). When I was a TA, I couldn’t stand students that called me anything other than Sarah. I’d ask them to use my first name and they still wouldn’t and it drove me nuts. And that was in California! I don’t think I’ve used Sir or Ma’am outside of dealing with customers at work ever. All people are equal, none of this more equal as a sign of respect thing. ---
**Author:** ![Soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/50 "2007-06-29T03:22:05Z")
My parents never had me call them ma’am or sir, but instilled in me the idea that pretty much everyone else in the world older than me was to be addressed in that way. Having been raised in Georgia, I thought this was a fairly common practice. My fiancee’s parents, however, not being from the South, looked at me like I was utterly insane the first time I met them and called them ma’am and sir. I’m still not at all comfortable calling them by their first names as they’ve requested. ---
**Author:** ![MissGypsy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8491ac/32.png) [@MissGypsy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissGypsy)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/51 "2007-06-29T03:22:23Z")
If a gentleman holds a door for me, I say, “Thank you, sir.” I don’t care if he’s some scruffy-looking bum; I want my kids to learn manners. I’m trying to teach them to address women as Ma’am or Miss Firstname. They’re not talking much yet, so sometimes it’s “Miss P,” rather than Miss Patricia, for example. When they’re older, I’ll expect them to call the neighbors or other adults Mr. or Mrs. Lastname. I find that people are nicer to me and my small herd of children if we’re polite. At the very least, it’s better than, “Thanks, dude.” Kid #2 is just starting to talk a lot. I tried to teach him to say “hello” on the phone, instead of “hi." So he _thought_ he had it, and ran downstairs to his teenaged sister, and said, “HO!” She was more than a little offended. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/52 "2007-06-29T04:19:51Z")
Much as with other people in this thread – If I had children, I would want them to call adults they didn’t know “ma’am” or “sir” (or “madame” or “monsieur” as the case may be), but I’d want them to call their relatives by regular terms (Uncle Theo, Gramma Lynn). ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/53 "2007-06-29T09:49:42Z")
Oh, I forgot to mention that while I think it’s polite and would be nice for my kids to say ma’am and sir to elders outside the family, ironically, I don’t particularly care if others say sir to me or not. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/54 "2007-06-29T10:53:18Z")
I come from a Southern family, so I learned by example (as opposed to having it beat into me) that elders (especially outside of the family) were to be addressed as “ma’am” and “sir.” This is also how I learned that some close-to-the-family-but-not-quite-family elders were to be addressed as “Miss [firstname]” or “Mr. [firstname].” I was never, ever required, though, to use “ma’am” or “sir” when addressing Mama or her siblings. I did use it, though (since everybody else in the family did) for my grandparents and for \*their \* siblings (great-aunts and great-uncles) and others of their generation. I still do. Not only that, but I tend to use it (depending on the situation) for strangers who are closer to (or even part of) my generation, and those people (this is up North, where I live) are either pleasantly surprised (“Ohhhh, you must be/you’re definitely from the South”) or somewhat put-off (“That makes me feel OLD!”). As for myself? I couldn’t imagine that I’d ever require that someone address me as “sir,” but I gotta confess: I \*\*totally \*\* dig it when it happens. Given that we, as \*_An Arky \*\* so aptly pointed out, are becoming a nation of slouchy, rude people, I think that something as simple as addressing someone as “sir” or “ma’am” (especially when a child or younger person does it) shows a touch of…what’s the word I’m looking for?..yeah, class._ \*Not, mind you, that this is the \*only \* way for someone to demonstrate that they have class, as there are certainly lots of people who use “sir” and “ma’am” who don’t have any class. I still dig it, though. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/55 "2007-06-29T11:11:58Z")
[QUOTE=C3] if they put their elbows on the table (while she’s all propped up there herself), and a ton of other little nitpickey things. Having dinner with her and the grandkids is a nightmare and miserable for everyone. Manners are important to me and I do make sure my oldest (the baby is too little still) knows the basics, but these aren’t her kids so she can keep her Emily Post books to herself. [/QUOTE] Wow! What a way to make everyone hate those dinners. I always thought family dinners were a time to break bread with the people you love, and to catch up on the happenings in their day. But I guess she sees a family dinner as more of a boot camp session. Ask her if she thinks putting their elbows on the table will matter when they come to visit her in the nursing home. Or don’t visit. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/56 "2007-06-29T11:55:41Z")
I remember the first time I heard a kid address his dad as “sir” (it was an American movie, and the father was a conservative “send the kid to military school” type), it seemed jarring and completely outside my experience. “Mum” and “Dad” for parents. “Aunty and Uncle _Firstname_” for adult relatives and other adults known well to them." “Madam” and “Sir” for adult strangers (“Ma’am” sounds a bit too British or American [depending on the pronunciation] for an Aussie kid to use without seeming stilted). I’ve had uncles and aunts who have asked me, as an adult, to drop the “Uncle” or “Aunty” and just use their first name, and I must confess I’m never entirely comfortable doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/57 "2007-06-29T11:58:36Z")
[QUOTE=Zebra] I did hear an interesting opinon once from a co-worker. She said she wouldn’t teach her kids to say that because she didn’t want her kids to grow up ‘weak’. I have no idea what she ment by that. [/QUOTE] I grew up in the rural South, and it is common in these parts to hear children addressing adults as “sir” or “ma’am”. But my parents (both well-raised) never taught me to do that. I think they were concerned that regular use of such honorifics might lead to a habit of being deferential. Let’s face it: not everyone who’s older deserves automatic deference. ---
**Author:** ![goldenmean1975](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7993a0/32.png) [@goldenmean1975](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goldenmean1975)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/58 "2007-06-29T12:02:25Z")
[QUOTE=Litoris] My children have been taught to be polite. That means that they say “yes ma’am, yes sir, no ma’am and no sir” to **all** adults, including my husband and me. I don’t really enforce it as regards me or my husband, but I will if they start getting lippy. It truly is a southern thing. Of course, what’s funny is that I don’t like being addressed as “ma’am” in public settings, but I accept it, because _this is the South_ and it’s going to happen. [/QUOTE] My feelings exactly. Raised in the south, I call everyone I don’t know ma’am and sir . Teaching my kids to do the same. What is wrong with being polite? And this is whats considered polite here. As is saying “pardon” saying “what” is considered rude. Things are different in different places, you just do what you know. I daily have people who are my grand parents age call me ma’ma so its not even an age thing. Its just how you get a strangers attention instead of “hey you” ! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/59 "2007-06-29T12:03:43Z")
Well, if the children say “ma’am” or “sir” in a Southern or English accent (and aren’t from the South or from England) they would come off as being rather flippant. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2007, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759/60 "2007-06-29T12:08:24Z")
I grew up addressing adults as Mr or Mrs. My kids address adults either as Ms/mr/coach (first name) or by their last name. When I am called Mrs. ( last name) I always say to the child, Mrs. (last name) is my Mother in Law. You may call me Ms. (real first name) or ( what I usually get) (my kids first names) mom. I have probably exceeded the legal use of () in this post. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/children-addressing-adults-as-maam-or-sir/409759.md?page=4)