My parents were caught up in their own psycho-drama, both neurotic in their own ways. Fundamentally, they were selfish people, utterly incapable of putting anybody before them and their needs. We were told and shown every single day that were the least important people in the house. We were also blamed for every single that went wrong. Everything. Mom regularly put us on “diets” because we were “too fat.” She actually did nothing to fundamentally change our diets–and being the woman who did all the shopping it was all in her power to change. But she sure made sure we understood how fat and lazy we were, thus fucking up my relationship with food for the rest of my life and contributing to my inability to eat 3 regular meals a day without deep guilt.
As a result of all of this, I have major self-esteem issues, food issues, money issues, anxiety issues, and trust issues.
Last spring, I took my sisters to California. While we were there, we had dinner with my dad. it was the first time my youngest sister saw him in five years. Neither one of them have talked to him for at least that long. And while we were eating and getting caught up, he did something I never expected.
He apologized. Unprompted.
He took full responsibility. He didn’t say “Yeah, but you could have been better.” He didn’t push any of it onto us. He just apologized and took responsibility.
My various issues didn’t magically go away. I’m not close to either of my parents, and I never will be. But I’ll be damned, we actually got an apology. It meant a lot to all three of us. It was like validation.