I don’t see anyone in this debate attempting to define “spanking”. I occasionally slapped my children’s hands for some infraction, but I would not define that as a “spanking”. For the most part, their mother and I convinced them that it was generally in their own best interests to behave and what few rules we had were clear and unambiguous. They both grew up as honest and decent adults.
That’s a kneejerk, unless you think a 5 year old hitting a 7 year old bully in self defense is also wrong. Or that an adult hitting another adult who’s attempting to take their life is wrong.
You quoted a passage specifically outlining that there is a spectrum of appropriate use of force with an absolutist position. Absolutist positions almost always utterly fail under even minute scrutiny.
Even if you amend to “an adult should never hit a child” or some such variant, you rule out, say, an adult using violent action towards disarming an active shooter who happens to be a child.
Once you lose your moral absolute, your entire argument breaks down. Try constructing an argument that isn’t contingent on an arbitrary absolute that utterly fails under cursory examination.
That’s not particularly subtle and doesn’t seem to follow the principle of “the punishment must fit the crime”. And it took me 6 years to get over the trauma of being taken to the director’s office because the teacher thought my drawings were too advanced - a bit more subtlety would have been welcome (nobody thought of explaining to me that I’d done nothing wrong).
Hitting anyone, except in self-defense, is abuse. If you hit your children, you are a child abuser. If your parents hit you while you were growing up, your parents were child abusers.
Stop lying to yourself.
You belong in prison.
I used to have a Facebook friend who constantly posted memes like “My mother carried a wooden spoon around with her to show us who was boss, and it made me who I am today!” (Divorced from three abusive husbands? Really?)
If someone has to constantly carry weapons to show small children who’s in charge, they’re not in charge.
I can only describe my experience. Our oldest, a girl, was very well-behaved. We spanked her once and she dissolved in tears, as though to say, how can these people bring pain on me. Then her brother came along and was not well-behaved. It got so we seemed to be spanking him everyday. My wife and I had talked it over and decided to try not spanking him ever. His behavior improved almost immediately and we never spanked him again. When #3 came along, we had already decided that we would not spank him. All three turned out to be wonderful people and have never spanked their own kids (who are also very well-behaved).
But I would like to see definitive studies of the question.
Or kicking, pulling hair, etc. :mad:
I’ve read about, and been told by, people who work with kids and they can tell when a child is raised with an emphasis on physical punishment. They aren’t better behaved, but they are better at not getting caught. :dubious:
For all those people who advocate spanking, please remember you are using pain and humiliation as a behavior modification tool, regardless of whether it is done while being calm and loving.
I HATED the few times I was spanked as a child, however many hugs I got afterwards. Today, when my parents see me dealing with my 8 year old, they often say, “We wish we had treated you differently.” I love them, but I still get angry when I hear that. Excuses like “They were different times”, “We didn’t know better” get trotted out.
Actually, I am quite mad right now, as I even write this post.
Parents - please do NOT spank your child.
Hitting young children then immediately hugging them to show them it was done out of love-I can’t think of a better way to indoctrinate them to become, or marry, spousal abusers.
Thanks for clarifying your position on this matter. :rolleyes:
Yeah, but my parents hit me because they loved me!
If you are truly hitting your child out of love, why is it usually the last resort?
A parent might turn their kid over to a surgeon for an operation out of love too. That doesn’t mean it would be anything other than a last resort.
[For some reason this thread has disintegrated into a series of extremely simplistic remarks by corporal punishment opponents.]
A discussion hasn’t “disintegrated” just because it turns against what you believe.
Right. It’s the “simplistic” part that I’m commenting on. Your prior two posts are leading examples of this.
I see nothing complicated about not hitting young children.
Oh.
I’m sorry-Would it be better if I used one of the preferred euphemisms, like “discipline”, “correct” or “spank”?
Are these links from Psychology Today, The American Psychological Association and The Science Explorer too simplistic for this thread, Fotheringgay-Phipps?