# children's cussing songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 18, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115 "2001-10-18T01:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wedgerat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@wedgerat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgerat)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/1 "2001-10-18T01:14:29Z")
What songs do you remember singing when you were younger? I’m mostly interested in the ones you’d not sing in front of your teachers. I remember singing on top of Mt. Smokey( to the tune of "on Top of Old Smokey): “On top of Mt. Smokey, all covered in blood, I shot my poor teacher with a .44 slug. I went to her funeral. I went to her grave. Instead of throwing flowers, I threw a grenade.” There was also “Joy to the world” “Joy to the world, my teacher’s dead. We BBQ’d her head! Don’t worry about the body, we flushed it down the potty round and round and round it goes…” It seems we didn’t really like school… So, if you remember any songs, could you post them here? Regional variations are also welcome. Here’s a related discussion of “Miss Lucy” and her steamboat. A bit old [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=8359](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=8359) ---
**Author:** ![peepthis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9d8465/32.png) [@peepthis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peepthis)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/2 "2001-10-18T01:38:29Z")
Before this gets boxed up and carted off to MPSIMS… “Glory, glory Hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler, I hid behind the door, with a loaded forty-four, and she ain’t my teacher no more” or the (tamer) variation of: “I hit her in the bean, with a rotten tangerine” in place of lines 3 & 4 above. And, for some Yuletide cheer: “Deck the halls with gasoline, fa la la la la, la la la la. Strike a match and watch it gleam, fa la la la la, la la la la. Watch our school burn downn to ashes, fa la la, la la la, la la laaaaa! Aren’t you glad you played with matches, fa la la la la, la la la la.” Mind you, this was at least 12 years ago. It’s probably safe to assume that any kid singing the first or third songs above verse would be suspended in a heartbeat in today’s world of school violence. It seemed so tame back then:( ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/3 "2001-10-18T01:49:24Z")
I hate Boscoe, Boscoe’s bad for me. My mother put it in my milk, and tried to poison me. But I fooled mommy, I put it in her tea. Now there’s no more mommy to try to poison me. I went to catholic school. Those nuns were pretty strict about serious things, like looking under a girls dress. But not so strict about silly things, like these little, ditties. 😉 Here’s (in part) another; I have seen the glory of the burning of the school I have beaten every teacher I have broken every rule etc. Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/4 "2001-10-18T01:49:49Z")
How could you forget the classic: “Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Betmobile lost a wheel, and Joker got awayyyy!” ---
**Author:** ![Syzygy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Syzygy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syzygy)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/5 "2001-10-18T01:51:09Z")
And as we all know, the Dark Knight drives the **Batmobile**. ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/6 "2001-10-18T01:54:51Z")
The mods have _got_to be sleeping. 😉 Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/7 "2001-10-18T01:56:53Z")
Can’t believe I’m posting this. Diarrhea (fart, fart). Diarrhea (fart, fart). Some people think it’s gross But it’s really good on toast. Diarrhea (fart, fart). Granny’s in the cellar. And oh lord can’t you smell her? She’s a cooking on her old and dirty stove. Something is the matter, Something’s fallen in the batter And she whistles while the (snort) rolls down her nose. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/8 "2001-10-18T01:58:16Z")
It’s Wednesday night, the mods are all still at prayer meeting. Bonzo wishes to contribute this Illinois variant, which is also the one I learned 30 years ago. Glory, glory, hallelujah, Teacher hit me with a ruler, Shot her in the seater with a forty-five repeater, And teacher ain’t no more. ---
**Author:** ![Mortish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/54ee81/32.png) [@Mortish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mortish)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/9 "2001-10-18T02:12:35Z")
Maybe this one is tame, but my parents absolutely forbad me from singing it: In the land of Oz Where the ladies don’t wear bras But the men don’t care 'Cause they don’t wear underwear. (I can’t believe I am publically attaching my name to this. \) ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/10 "2001-10-18T02:16:39Z")
Posting this stuff in GQ, and getting away with it, is _exactly_ like the joy of singing these songs in school. Keep it up. 😃 Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/11 "2001-10-18T02:43:17Z")
We had One other verse to the Glory glory Hallelulia ditty Chased her up the attic, with a german automatic, And she Ain’t my teacher no more. WE also sang. My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule We have even drowned the principal in his own swimming pool Our truth is marching on. and Jingle Bells, shotgun Shells BBs in the air Take a shot at Santa Claus And listen to him swear. or Jingle Bells Shotgun Shells Santa Clause is Dead Someone took my .45 And shot him in the head. The batman version I knew went: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells Robin laid an egg The batmobile lost a wheel, and Joker got away. thanks for the trip down memory lane. ---
**Author:** ![whatmove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecc23a/32.png) [@whatmove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatmove)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/12 "2001-10-18T02:52:06Z")
I fondly remember choruses of: “This land is my land This land ain’t your land I’ve got a shotgun And you don’t got one I’ll blow your head off If you don’t get off This land was made for only me” ---
**Author:** ![Toaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@Toaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toaster)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/13 "2001-10-18T02:53:51Z")
Jingle bells, Cockleshells, BBs in the air, Oh what fun it is to ride In Santa’s underwear. My Age 4 Song taught to me by my mother. Along with: Popeye the sailor man, He lives in a garbage can, He eats all the wo-orms And spits out the ge-erms He’s Popeye the sailor man. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/14 "2001-10-18T02:58:10Z")
My inner city, urban upbringing has given me so many cuss songs. A few diarrhea couplets: When your walking down the halls See it dripping down the walls. Gotta run real fast 'Cause it’s dripping out your ass No strain, no pain Just let it drain. Oh, and the dissing songs: I hate to talk about your momma but she’s in my class She’s got popcorn titties and a rubber ass She’s ninety-nine She’s Frankenstien She’s the fattest MoFo on the welfare line. Let’s not get into the gross out songs. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/15 "2001-10-18T03:01:54Z")
This is so _awful_, but every time I hear _God Bless America_, all I can think of is this ditty: God bless my underwear! My only pair. From the washer, To the dryer! God bless my underwear My only pair. Yup. I’m getting ridden out on a rail fer sure. ---
**Author:** ![Kaje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f04885/32.png) [@Kaje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaje)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/16 "2001-10-18T04:40:39Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Biggirl_ > \*\*A few diarrhea couplets: > > When your walking down the halls > See it dripping down the walls. > > Gotta run real fast > 'Cause it’s dripping out your ass > No strain, no pain > Just let it drain.\*\* When you’re climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter. Diarrhea (Cha Cha Cha) Diarrhea When you’re driving in your chevy and you let out someting heavy. Diarrhea (Cha Cha Cha) Diarrhea I know there were more of those…can’t remember now or similiarly: When you’re sittin’ on the jon and the toilet paper’s gone, be a man… use your hand… yes…I have younger brothers who used to come home with a new one every other day when I still lived at home. ---
**Author:** ![whatmove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecc23a/32.png) [@whatmove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatmove)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/17 "2001-10-18T04:43:18Z")
Here are a couple more diarrhea couplets I remember: when you’re sliding into first and your pants begin to burst when you’re sliding into third and you feel a juicy turd when you’re sliding into home and you smell that stinky foam ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/18 "2001-10-18T05:11:45Z")
OK, kiddies. It’s off to MPSIMS. **DrMatrix** - General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/19 "2001-10-18T05:37:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rasa \* > \*\*This is so _awful_, but every time I hear _God Bless America_, all I can think of is this ditty: > > God bless my underwear! > My only pair. > From the washer, > To the dryer! > God bless my underwear > My only pair. > > Yup. I’m getting ridden out on a rail fer sure. \*\* Guess I’ll be riding with ya Rasa…I always sang it like this though… God bless my underwear My only pair. Stand beside them, And guide them, Through the wash and the rip and the tear. How 'bout a nice Christmas song? Chipmunks, roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost ripping off your clothes. Tiny tots with their eyes all gouged out, will find it hard to see tonight. They know that Santa’s on his way. He’s loaded lots of guns and ammo on his sleigh. And, every mother’s child is gonna try, To see if reindeer really scream when they die… I’m going to hell now, aren’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/20 "2001-10-18T05:54:28Z")
Jingle bells, Shotgun shells Granny got a gun Pulled the trigger Shot a nigger Now we’re having fun I grew up in an area with a high redneck population. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=2)