# children's cussing songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 18, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115 "2001-10-18T01:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/21 "2001-10-18T07:26:30Z")
Scab sandwich Spit on top ooooey goooey camel snot crunched up bibles dipped in glue creamy diarrhea too I had a sandwich how 'bout choo? (A key feature of the following ditty is that between lines, you keep the beat by drawing air between your teeth in a sort of nasty sexual way, then exhaling like you are fogging a mirror, twice each) Step on a rock let me smell your hairy crotch all the cows go moo you know you want some too won’t your mama be disgusted when she sees your belly’s busted but don’t be ashamed cuz your mama did the same I think I’ve forgotten a few lines out of each one, and I’m sure we can all get on with our lives without them. stoid ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/22 "2001-10-18T07:37:21Z")
Thanks to cable TV and George Carlin: Ratshit Batshit Dirty old twat sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot Hooray Lizard Shit FUCK. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/23 "2001-10-18T07:37:57Z")
I saw \_\_\_\_\_ floating down the Delaware Chewing on his/her underwear Couldn’t find another pair Just got bitten by a polar bear Poor little baby died And I also recall debating with friends whether this song meant the person being made fun of died, or the polar bear died because it caught something from biting him. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/24 "2001-10-18T07:39:11Z")
Georgie Porgie, grass and weed Fucked the girls and made them bleed When their mothers came out to play Georgie Porgie ran away I remember singing this one as early as 3rd grade. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@Tequila\_Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/25 "2001-10-18T07:44:30Z")
Suffocation, takes co-ordination, Suffocation, new game you can play. First you take a pillow case, then you glue it to your face. Go to bed, Wake up dead, whoa-oh-oh-oh Thankfully that’s all of the lyrics I can recall. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/26 "2001-10-18T07:59:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tequila Mockingbird \* > \*\*Suffocation, takes co-ordination, > Suffocation, new game you can play. > First you take a pillow case, > then you glue it to your face. > Go to bed, > Wake up dead, whoa-oh-oh-oh First you take a rubber hose, Then you stick it up your nose Turn it on Then you’re gone Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Several other partial verses are rattling around my head… ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/27 "2001-10-18T08:00:51Z")
I remember one weird one, but can’t remember all of it. The chorus went… Salvation Ar-r-r-r-my Salvation Ar-r-r-r-my… and then a line I can’t remember. Then the sung part stops and you tell one of dozens of lame jokes that all follow the same formula - In my town, the women all wear grass skirts BOOOO!!! But the men all have…weedeaters! YAY!!! Then back to the chorus. All the jokes had to do with women wearing clothes of a particular material, with the ‘punchline’ being the men had something to remove them. The only other one of the dozens I can remember aside from the grass skirt one was that the women all wore paper dresses, and the men all had scissors. ---
**Author:** ![goonhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ebca7d/32.png) [@goonhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/goonhead)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/28 "2001-10-18T08:08:55Z")
This is a fun thread. I read a few of the “Glory, glory hallelujah” versions and it reminded me of a field trip I took in 4th grade. On the bus two friends and I made up at least a dozen verses to that, and were laughing our asses off. The best two I could remember are: Glory, glory hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler Hit 'er in the heel with a motorcycle wheel and she don’t teach no more. Glory, glory hallelujah, teacher hit me with a ruler Hit 'er in the boob with a television tube and she don’t teach no more. When I got to sixth grade and the kids were all trying out cruder words, this was a popular ditty (to the tune of If You’re Happy and You Know It): There’s a skeeter on my peter, get it off There’s a skeeter on my peter, get it off There’s a dozen on my cousin can’t you hear the bastards buzzin There’s a skeeter on my peter, get it off When my little brother was in 4th-5th grade, the kids sang: Joy to the world, the school burned down and all the teachers died where is the principal, he’s hanging from the flagpole with a rope around his neck, with a rope around his neck, a rooope, a rooope, around his neck. ---
**Author:** ![meyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@meyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meyer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/29 "2001-10-18T08:22:06Z")
## hi ho, hi ho it’s off to school we go with shotgun shells and guns as well hi ho, hi ho, hi ho ## Comet, it makes your mouth turn green Comet, it tastes like Listerine Comet, it makes you vomit so get some Comet, and vomit, today I also remember that the end to the “On Top Of Old Smokey” song was: I opened her coffin she still wasn’t dead So I took a shot gun and blew off her head Looking back on it, I think if teachers were as sensitive then as they are now, I would have been expelled many times over! ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/30 "2001-10-18T09:30:32Z")
Another variation on the Batman one; Jingle bells, Batman smells Robin laid an egg Batmobile lost a wheel and Joker takes ballet, HEY! and **Badtz** ’s reminded me of one i saw scrawled on the walls of a bathroom I ain’t a nigger, I’m a nigger-o if I see a nigger I’ll letcha know not quite a song, but it’s got a nice rhythm to it… and there was this one about Ching Chang Charlie… i’d forgotten it, though (thankfully :D). maybe someone else knows it… ---
**Author:** ![Nortia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Nortia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nortia)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/31 "2001-10-18T10:03:30Z")
When I was young we sang this… Jingle Bells, Batman smells Robin flew away Joker lost his lollipop and found a milkyway my daughter is currently practising this to delight her grandparents with… Jingle Bells, Batman smells Robin flew away Uncle Billy lost his willy on the motorway ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/32 "2001-10-18T10:51:59Z")
Talk about resurrecting ancient memories - this was one of our school songs: Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay! We’re off from school today Our teacher passed away We threw her in the bay She scared the fish away They found her yesterday Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay! Ta-ra-ra boom! ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/33 "2001-10-18T12:32:58Z")
OHHHHHH! Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat Dirty little birdie feet French fried eyeballs swimming in a pool of blood And me without my spoon, boo-hoo! * * * On top of Old Smokey All covered with snow I saw Annie Oakley Take off all her clothes Along came Gene Autry And took off his vest And when he saw Annie He took off the rest. * * * Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord He is tearing up the alley in a '57 Ford… * * * Suffocation, takes coordination Sufocation, the game we like to play First you take a plastic bag Then you place it on your head Go to bed, wake up dead, WHEEEEEE! * * * Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay You’re in the family way There was a boy next oor He threw you on the floor He said it wouldn’t hurt He stuck it up your skirt And then your tummy grew Now you’re a mommy too. * * * Row row row your boat Gently down the stream Throw your teacher overboard And listen to her scream Eight days later walking down the Delaware Chewing on her underwear Can’t afford another pair Two days later eaten by a polar bear And that’s the end of her! ---
**Author:** ![Sn-man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Sn-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sn-man)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/34 "2001-10-18T12:46:07Z")
Ok, I’m not sure what dark corner of my brain these were stored in. Better question would be why they were stored at all, but here they are… Arty Farty had a party, everyone was there, Tutty Fruity laid a beauty, and we all went out for air Push the buttons, pull the chain, Out comes chocolate choo-choo trains ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/35 "2001-10-18T12:48:35Z")
**whatmove** - Hey, you forget second base, to keep the sequence! It’s When you’re running into second And you’ve only got a second Diarrhea (uh-uh) Diarrhea And then there’s Hello mutha, hello fathah, I’ve been smokin’ marajuana It is good, crack is bettah I’m so fucked up I can barely write this lettah. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/36 "2001-10-18T13:03:05Z")
More! More! I don’t mean to be mean. But you need Listerine. Not a sip Not a swallow But the whole damn bottle. How ‘bout: She was comin’ 'round the mountain doing ninety. When the chain on her motorcycle broke. She was found in the grass With the kickstand up her ass And her titties playing Dixie on the spokes. ---
**Author:** ![manwithaplan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@manwithaplan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithaplan)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/37 "2001-10-18T13:04:50Z")
To the tune of the theme from the Beverly Hillbillies I’ll tell you a story 'bout a man named Jed Who went for a shit in a garden shed But there weren’t no toilet roll So out came Granny and licked his hole Country Style! I can’t believe I’ve only been on the boards a week and already I’m posting this crap. ---
**Author:** ![sirjamesp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@sirjamesp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirjamesp)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/38 "2001-10-18T13:19:41Z")
We had a mangled version of the “Rainbow” theme tune (it was a British kids show): Up above the streets and houses, Bungle’s flying high, Opens up his hairy arse, And sh\*ts in Geoffrey’s eye. ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/39 "2001-10-18T13:32:12Z")
Roll, Roll, Roll a Joint. Do it all the time. Take a toke, Hold the smoke. Blow your fucking mind. * * * Diarrhea Some people think it’s funny, But its really dark and runny. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2001, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/40 "2001-10-18T13:33:28Z")
Bang Bang LuLu Bang Bang all night long What will we do for a midnight screw when LuLu’s dead and gone? Rich girl uses kotex Poor girl uses rags Poor old LuLu has to use a burlap bag [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=3)