# children's cussing songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 18, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115 "2001-10-18T01:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/61 "2001-10-19T09:09:25Z")
i KNEW i shouldn’t’ve been eating my kittyfood now… EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! 🙂 that said, i LOVE this thread! ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/62 "2001-10-19T14:07:52Z")
Courtesy of my nephew: Farted in the barnyard Last night! How did it feel? Just right! Who did it come from? From you! How did it smell? Pee Yeeew! That, my friends, is my favorite song. ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/63 "2001-10-19T14:15:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zoogirl \* > \*\*I was a Brownie, and we used to love singing “Baby Bumble Bee” > > I’m bringing home a baby bumble bee > won’t my mommy be so proud of me > I’m bringing home a baby bumble bee > Ooh, eee! It bit me! > > I’m squishing up a baby bumble bee > Won’t my mommy be so 'shamed of me > I’m squishing up a baby bumble bee > Ooh, eee! There’s blood on me! > > I’m licking up a baby bumble bee > Won’t my mommy be so proud of me > I’m licking up a baby bumble bee > Ooh, eee! I’t’s strawberry! > \*\* oh yeah, my kid sister loves singing that song, only slightly modified, and with appropriate motions: I’m bringing home a baby bumblebee, won’t my mommy be so proud of me, i’m bringing home a baby bumblebee, ooh! it stung me! so i’m squishing up my baby bumblebee won’t my mommy be so proud of me, i’m squishing up my baby bumblebee, ew! it’s on my hands! so i’m licking up my baby bumblebee, won’t my mommy be so proud of me, i’m licking up my baby bumblebee, ooh! i have a stomachache! so i’m barfing up my baby bumblebee, won’t my mommy be so proud of me, i’m barfing up my baby bumblebee, ew! the sink’s plugged up! so i’m plunging\* out my baby bumblebee, won’t my mommy be so proud of me, i’m plunging out my baby bumblebee, uh-oh! mommy’s home! hey mommy? guess what? (repeat) \*plunging as in cleaning out the sink with a plunger. [sub]i can’t believe i posted that![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/64 "2001-10-19T14:43:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mblackwell \* > This song was recorded by Homer & Jethro, I have an MP3 of it. Ooo I’d love to hear it! Here’s my contribution to the really vile songs, Cocksucker, motherfucker two times a bitch Mama’s in the kitchen frying red-hot dicks. :eek: Brother’s in the jail raisin’ all kinds of hell And sister’s in the corner yellin’ “pussy for sale!” And then we have, My Bonnie lies over the ocean My Bonnie lies over the sea. My daddy lies over my mommy And that’s how they created me! Here’s a little bit of blank verse: Mr. Goodbar took Peppermint Patty Behind the Powerhouse. He put his Butterfinger inside her Milky Way. “Oh Henry!” she gasped. The result: Baby Ruth. Somehow, this is cleansing. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Zap\_Rowsdower](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3da27b/32.png) [@Zap\_Rowsdower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zap_Rowsdower)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/65 "2001-10-19T15:00:38Z")
This is the only part I remember of this song… Old McDonald sittin on a bench Beatin his dick with a monkey wrench, Missed his dick and hit his balls Pissed all over his overalls. Then their was the crazy old man from China. It is fairly long but the only part I recall now is… My mother told me to bury him deep The crazy old man from China I buried him deep, he stuck out his feet The crazy old man from China My mother told me to look in the sky … I looked in the sky, he spit in my eye … ---
**Author:** ![Formerly\_Bandersnatch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e36b37/32.png) [@Formerly\_Bandersnatch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Formerly_Bandersnatch)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/66 "2001-10-19T15:16:15Z")
I can’t believe that this stuff is floating back to the top… like pond scum… Here I stand, cock in hand shooting flies off the wall… now it’s soft, I can’t beat off… it’s only two inches tall… Hey! You’ve got to beat it everyday… Hey! You’ve got to beat it everyday… ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/67 "2001-10-19T16:18:56Z")
Yikes! I’m sorry to see how many of these sound familiar. A couple of minor variations to those already posted: Marijuana, marijuana, LSD,LSD; Other kids take it, Why can’t we?, Why can’t we? and from “Carolina”, courtesy of boy scout camp: “Nothing could be sweeter than my peter when I eat her in the Morning” In college, I learned more “grown-up” songs. One of the fraternities had a chant like this: “Ratshit, Batshit, Pussy smells; Cocksucker! Motherfucker! \_\_\_\_\_'s give 'em Hell!” and another, during which the loser in the game of quarters (or something like that) had to chug an entire mug of beer, finishing before the song was over, or doomed to consume yet another: “Why was he born so beautiful, Why was he born at all? He’s no fucking use to anyone, He’s no fucking use at all.” “So, drink, chug-a-lug, So, drink, chug-a-lug.” “He oughta be publicly pissed on, He oughta be properly shot, and placed in a public urinal [pronounced with a long “i”] and left there to fester and rot!” “Bang, bang, fuck him!” Finally, there was one with about a dozen verses, which fascinated me with its frank obscenity, but I can only remember a few lines: “'Twas on the good ship Venus, By Christ you should have seen us, The figurehead was a whore in bed, and the first mate was a penis,” chorus: “frigging in the rigging, frigging in the rigging, with fuck all else to do” (Sorry for sharing all this.) ---
**Author:** ![Formerly\_Bandersnatch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e36b37/32.png) [@Formerly\_Bandersnatch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Formerly_Bandersnatch)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/68 "2001-10-19T16:49:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Pablito \* > \*\* > and from “Carolina”, courtesy of boy scout camp: > > “Nothing could be sweeter than my peter > when I eat her in the Morning”\*\* Damn it! Stop doing this to me! And it’s: Nothing could be sweeter, than her sucking on my peter, In the morning… Nothing could be finer, than to be in her vagina, In the morning… ---
**Author:** ![Theobroma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@Theobroma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Theobroma)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/69 "2001-10-19T18:47:47Z")
Hey, you young’uns, whatever happened to: Marijuana, marijuana, LSD,LSD, Spiro Agnew makes it, Richard Nixon takes it, Why can’t we! Why can’t we! …I was in first grade for that one, so now you all know how old _I_ am. My son’s second grade class can’t stop singing this one: (to the Scooby Doo theme song) Scooby Dooby Doo, took a poo Shaggy thought it was candy Shaggy took a bite, and he turned white And that’s the end of Shaggy! Scooby Dooby Doo, took a pee Shaggy thought it was coffee Shaggy took a drink, and he turned pink And that’s the end of Shaggy! …And, and old favorite in the “almost cursing” genre: I want a man, I want a man, I want a mansion in the sky; I wanna hell, I wanna hell, I wanna help some poor old guy; And when the dam-dam-dam-dam-damage is done Gonna have my child-my-childish fun I want a mansion in the sky! I wanna neck, I wanna neck, I wanna necklace made of pearls; I wanna pet, I wanna pet, I wanna petticoat that swirls And when the dam-dam-dam-dam-damage is done Gonna have my child-my-childish fun I want a mansion in the sky! …must have been an innocent time in old Philly, if we thought we were being really naughty because we almost said (snigger) “neck” and “pet!” (giggle) Also, for the record, we either “met her at the door with a loaded 44” or “hit her on the butt with a rotten coconut.” What’s the matter with you people? Get it right! 😉 …and, one last one, from my nephew’s first grade class, about 10 years ago: (To the tune of the “Barney” song = “This Old Man”) I love you You love me Barney gave me HIV With a great big hug And a kiss from me to yoouuuuuu… Now you have HIV too! ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/70 "2001-10-19T19:08:41Z")
Well, lessee… Whistle while you work! Hitler is a jerk! Mussolini bit his weenie Now it doesn’t work. The “death” song I learned went: You ever see a hearse go by And re-a-lize that you’ll someday die? They put you in a little box and cover you over with dirt and rocks. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out The worms play pinochle on your snout[sup]\*[/sup] The worms that crawl in are lean and thin The worms that crawl out are fat and stout Be merry, my friends, be merry! The effect is much more fun if you can figure out how to do it in a minor key. But that was much later. [sup]\*[/sup]My grandmother tells me the version she learned back in the 20s went “And you don’t know what it’s all about”. In any case, for years after I learned that song I could never sing that line without cracking up. Marijuana, Marijuana LSD, LSD College kids all make it So high school kids can take it. Why can’t we? Why can’t we? To the tune of _This Old Man_: ABC! LSD! Marijuana’s good for me! With a knick knack shootin’ smack Let’s get stoned! This little boy/girl ain’t going home. Of course, no thread of this nature would be complete without the classic end-of-year cuss song: No more pencils! No more books! No more teacher’s dirty looks! When that teacher rings the bell - Drop your books and run like hell! ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/71 "2001-10-19T22:12:53Z")
Wow, I had no idea I knew so many. Or that there are so many I never learned. Here are a few of the gems I remember: _Alternative lines for the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”:_ Shot her in the butt With a rotten coconut and she don’t teach no more! _Skirting the dirty words–_ Miss Suzy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell The steamboat went to Heaven, Miss Suzy went to Hello operator, please give me number 9 And if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you from Behind the 'fridgerator, there was a piece of glass Miss Suzy sat upon it, and cut her little Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies The boys are in the bathroom, zipping up their Flies are in the city, the bees are in the par Miss Suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K Dark is like a movie, a movie’s like a show A show is like a TV set with underwear below!\* [sub]\* I know this ending is lame, but seriously, that’s how I learned it.[/sub] _Clapping game–_ See see my enemy Come out and fight with me and bring your monsters three climb up my hanging tree Slide down my razorblade Into my dungeon door And we’ll be enemies Forever more! ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/72 "2001-10-19T22:30:02Z")
I even heard it in a movie once, but can’t remember which one. It goes something like this; Little yellow bird, with a big yellow bill Perching on my window sill I led it on with crumbs of bread Then I crushed it’s fucking head Ring a bell, anybody? Peace, mangeorge (And this _is_ fun.) ---
**Author:** ![meyer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@meyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meyer)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/73 "2001-10-19T22:42:46Z")
Somebody else here mentioned the songs you sing in college when the loser of Quarters or whatever has to chug thier drink. I remember part of one that went: Why are you waiting? Must be mastrubating… But I can’t remember the rest. Anyone know this one? ---
**Author:** ![Arwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7c8e57/32.png) [@Arwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arwen)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/74 "2001-10-19T22:54:25Z")
Not dirty, but we actually learned this one in music class… There was a boy and a girl in a little canoe And the moon was shining all around And they dipped ther little paddles in They didn’t even make a sound Said the boy to the girl in the little canoe “Now kiss me or get out and swim” Now you know what to do in a little canoe When the moon is shining all-a The moon is shing all-a The moon is shinint all-a-round. Geeeeet ouuuuut and swiiiiiim **What the heck! Let’s neck!** ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Juliet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cc9497/32.png) [@Lady\_Juliet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Juliet)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/75 "2001-10-19T23:29:59Z")
This is a charming little piece one of my friends used to sing: Fuck fuck fuck a duck Screw a kangaroo Bang Bang the orangutan It’s an orgy at the zoo! ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2001, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/76 "2001-10-19T23:38:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Theobroma \* > \*\*…and, one last one, from my nephew’s first grade class, about 10 years ago: > (To the tune of the “Barney” song = “This Old Man”) > > I love you > You love me > Barney gave me HIV > With a great big hug > And a kiss from me to yoouuuuuu… > Now you have HIV too! \*\* When I was in junior high (also about ten years ago) a variant of this was a popular song among members of my volleyball team (hence, all the same gender): “I love you, You love me, Ho-mo-sex-u-a-li-ty! With a great big [grunt, accompanied by pelvic thrust] and a kiss from me to you, Won’t you say you’ll fuck me too?” ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/77 "2001-10-20T01:49:15Z")
sung to the Beatles tune “All My Loving” Close your eyes Spread your legs and I’ll Fertilize your eggs. and this one, which was sung as a bluegrass tune: She was goin’ down the mountain about 90 miles an hour When the chain on her bicycle broke, She was rolling in the grass with the pedals up her ass and her tits were playing dixie on the spokes. (Barber shop quartet chorus on) On the Spokessss (/Barber shop quartet chorus off) ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/78 "2001-10-20T02:39:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Katisha \* > [When I was in junior high (also about ten years ago) a variant of this was a popular song among members of my volleyball team (hence, all the same gender): > > “I love you, > You love me, > Ho-mo-sex-u-a-li-ty! > With a great big [grunt, accompanied by pelvic thrust] and a kiss from me to you, > Won’t you say you’ll fuck me too?” \*\* We had that one, slightly different: “I love you, You love me, Ho-mo-sex-u-a-li-ty! People think, we’re just friends Actually, we’re Lesbians!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/79 "2001-10-20T02:53:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*\*Originally posted by Pablito \* > Finally, there was one with about a dozen verses, which fascinated me with its frank obscenity, but I can only remember a few lines: > > \*\* I love that one! In fact, I could only remember a few more verses, so I went to a seedy bar and plied an old sailor with brandy, until we remembered them all. Friggin’ in the Riggin’ It was on the good ship Venus By Christ, ya shoulda seen us The figurehead was a whore in bed And the mast, a mammoth penis The captain of this lugger He was a dirty bugger He wasn’t fit to shovel shit From one place to another Friggin’ in the riggin’ Friggin’ in the riggin’ Friggin’ in the riggin’ There was fuck all else to do The captains name was Morgan By Christ, he was a gorgon Ten times a day he’d stop and play With his fuckin’ organ The first mate’s name was Cooper By Christ he was a trooper He jerked and jerked until he worked Himself into a stupor Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ There was fuck all else to do The second mate was Andy By Christ, he had a dandy Till they crushed his cock On a jagged rock For cumming in the brandy The cabin boy was Flipper He was a fuckin’ n-ger He stuffed his ass with broken glass And circumcised the skipper Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ There was fuck all else to do The captain’s wife was Mabel To fuck she was not able So the dirty shits, they nailed her tits Across the barroom table The Captain had a daughter Who fell in deep sea water And by her squeals we knew the eels Had found 'er sexual quarters Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’ There was fuck all else to do Friggin’ in the Riggin’… I think the Sex pistols covered it, once, on ‘The Rock and Roll Swindle’, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/80 "2001-10-20T03:17:47Z")
He’s Popeye the sailor man, he lives in a garbage can. He turned on the heater and burned up his peter, He’s Popeye the sailor man! Toot toot! Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you feel, So let’s have beans for every meal. _A female friend taught this one to me:_ Does your clit hang low, does it wobble to and fro, can you tie it in a knot, can you tie it in a bow? Can you throwitoveryourshoulder like a continental soldier, does your clit…hang…low! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=5)