# children's cussing songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 18, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115 "2001-10-18T01:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![ferrisgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e5b9ba/32.png) [@ferrisgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ferrisgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/81 "2001-10-20T05:11:24Z")
i learned the “miss suzy not really cussing” one like this: miss suzy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell miss suzy went to heaven, the steamboat went to hell-o operator, please give me number 9 and if you disconnect me i’ll kick your fat behind the frigerator there was a piece of glass miss suzy fell upon it and cut her little ask me no more questions, i’ll tell you no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their flies are in the meadows, the bees are in their hives miss suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the dark as in the ocean, dark as in the sea dark as in the panties that mommy puts on me (make motion of lifting up dress) woo! i love all these songs…our fond childhood perverted memories. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2001, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/82 "2001-10-20T06:03:35Z")
Oh yeah, Barney! Ihate you You hate me Let’s gang up And kill Barney With a Knife in his bed And a hatchet in his head Sorry kids, But Barney’s dead! Courtesy of my boys! ---
**Author:** ![wedgerat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@wedgerat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgerat)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/83 "2001-10-21T00:08:00Z")
In the Barney-song genre, I made this one up in elementary school: I hate you, you hate me, Let’s go practice arch-er-y. Shoot an apple off his head. Oops, I missed, Poor Barney’s dead. Another popular songs was: Tic-tac-toe, three in a row Barney got shot by a G.I.Joe (or UFO) Mama called the doctor and the doctor said “Whoops, Barney’s dead.” ---
**Author:** ![Lockz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Lockz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lockz)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/84 "2001-10-21T00:41:58Z")
Why am I doing this? What will people think of me? Oh well! 🙂 Here’s how I learned Barney: I hate you You hate me Let’s gang up and kill Barney With a kick to the dick And a shot to the head Push him over Barney’s dead ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/85 "2001-10-21T01:13:22Z")
Good heavens, you people are disgusting! :eek: But I’ll make my contribution anyway: Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, Blows his nose in Cheerios And eats them every day! ---
**Author:** ![GilaB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@GilaB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GilaB)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/86 "2001-10-21T03:34:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by peepthis \* > \*\*“Glory, glory Hallelujah, > teacher hit me with a ruler, > I hid behind the door, > with a loaded forty-four, > and she ain’t my teacher no more” > > or the (tamer) variation of: > “I hit her in the bean, > with a rotten tangerine” > in place of lines 3 & 4 above.\*\* Yes, but you’ve left out the words to the first verse: “Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured all the teachers and we’ve broken all the rules. We’ve chopped up all the desks and we’ve burned up all the books and we’re proudly marching on.” Chorus: “Glory, glory how pecu-lee-er Teacher hit me with a ru-lee-er I whomped her on the bean with a rotten tangerine and her teeth cam fall-ing out.” Battle Hymn of the Republic is such a great song for these because the music is so swingy, yet self-important. ---
**Author:** ![mblackwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5fc32e/32.png) [@mblackwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mblackwell)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/87 "2001-10-21T03:42:52Z")
The tune of “I Believe I Can Fly” from Space Jam. I believe I can die, I got shot by the FBI, all I wanted was a chicken wing, from KFC or Buger King. ---
**Author:** ![ThunderBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@ThunderBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThunderBunny)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/88 "2001-10-21T18:44:12Z")
There’s a place in France Where the naked ladies dance There’s a hole in the wall Where the men can see it all. * * * On top of Old Smokey All covered with blood I shot my poor teacher with a .44 slug I went to her funeral I spat on her grave the others threw flowers but I threw grenades. The grenades when they blew up what a beautiful sound and now she’ll rest in pieces all over the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/89 "2001-10-21T22:08:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Caricci \* > \*\* Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say. > Rudolph with your gun so bright, won’t you shoot my wife > tonight? \*\* Children of friends of a friend were disciplined at their school (lunchtime detention) for singing “O.J. with your knife so bright/Will you kill your wife tonight?” ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2001, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/90 "2001-10-21T22:24:18Z")
One… and a two… “McDonald’s is my kind of place. Can’t find a parking space. Hamburgers up my nose. French fries between my toes…” Casey, the Cowboy, all dressed in green Caught his neck in the washing machine There was blood on the wringer, Blood on the ground, Great big gobs of blood all around. Casey, the Cowboy, all dressed in black Went to the graveyard, never came back There was blood on the tombstone, Blood on the ground. Great big gobs of blood all around. (etc.) ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2001, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/91 "2001-10-22T02:59:42Z")
Ah, the joy of Christmas… While shepherds washed their socks by night All seated on the ground The Angel of the Lord came down And passed the soap around! Courtesy of my Mom. And an older friend of mine, who was a kid during the abdication of King Edward got in deep do-do for singing this at school– Hark! The herald angels sing Mrs. Simpson stole our King! ---
**Author:** ![Chickenhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Chickenhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chickenhead)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2001, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/92 "2001-10-22T03:13:59Z")
If you want obscenity in a children’s song, or at least a song sung by children, this’ll top 'em all. By far. Do a search on Morpheus for Lil’Bow-wow versus Lil’Romeo Freestyle. Those two kids will make your ears bleed. (Terms like “freestyle romeo bow wow”; you get the idea.) ---
**Author:** ![Chickenhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Chickenhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chickenhead)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2001, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/93 "2001-10-22T03:20:20Z")
(And these kids are what, 10? 12? 13?) So what, I just pulled out yo sista’s pussy Smoke a pound of coke…make you scream like a goat If all you can do is screech like a ho, stick your dick up another man’s ass [someone] sucks cock Cum all over her face I am the fucking mack 400 pound fatass with herpes so she can buttfuck you like a fag blood all over your bed fuckin’ your mom in the pussy difference between tits and the clits Ahh, the innocence of youth. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/94 "2001-10-24T03:27:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lockz \* > \*\*Why am I doing this? What will people think of me? Oh well! 🙂 Here’s how I learned Barney: > > I hate you > You hate me > Let’s gang up and kill Barney > \*\* …and a shot rings out and the body hits the floor No more purple dinosaur! ---
**Author:** ![moe.ron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ed8c4c/32.png) [@moe.ron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moe.ron)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/95 "2001-10-24T04:30:20Z")
does “Unclefucker” count? my fav line: “you don’t eat, or sleep, or mow your lawn, you fuck your uncle all day long!!!” Where you at UncleBeer? 😉 This can’t turn out well, I just know it ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2001, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/96 "2001-10-26T22:11:52Z")
Every Sunday at the boarding school I went to, we had to go to church and sing like little angels. Naturally, that brought out da debbil in us. We modified what was supposed to sound like a joyous refrain of: Lord by your cross and resurrection You have set us free! You are the saviour of the world! Very rousing. Snore. So imagine pews full of lusty faced girls singing: Lord with your humongous erection You have impregnated me! You are the father of my child! can I get a Whut!Whut! ---
**Author:** ![howgoesit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@howgoesit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/howgoesit)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2001, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/97 "2001-11-08T12:08:03Z")
Salvation Arrrrmy Salvation Arrrrmy Put a nickel in the pot! Save another drunken sot! Oh yeah, Good times…Good times… ---
**Author:** ![hookahsmokingcaterpillar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8c91f0/32.png) [@hookahsmokingcaterpillar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hookahsmokingcaterpillar)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/98 "2011-03-20T06:33:55Z")
Comit Makes your mouth turn green Comit, tastes like gasoline, Comit, it makes you vomit and you will vomit and vomit today. and Mary had a little lamb but then i shot it dead now I carry that little lamb between two pieces of bread. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/99 "2011-03-20T14:45:25Z")
Not particularly naughty, but… There’s a place on Mars Where the women smoke cigars Every puff they take Is enough to kill a snake Every snake that dies They put diamonds in it’s eyes Every diamond they put in Is enough to start me over again and This is the song that never ends It goes on and on my friends Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was and they’ll continue singing it forever just because This is the song that never ends…etc ---
**Author:** ![wonder\_lust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ecccb3/32.png) [@wonder\_lust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonder_lust)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/100 "2011-03-20T19:39:11Z")
Sam, Sam, the lavatory man, Chief Inspector of the Outhouse Clan, Issues tissues, papers and towels. Listen to the sound of the rumbling bowels. Down, down, down beneath the ground, Where all the poopies go swirlin’round, There sits Sam, the lavatory man, Scoopin’ up the poopies in his little tin can. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=6)