# children's cussing songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 18, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115 "2001-10-18T01:14:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/101 "2011-03-20T22:36:10Z")
Oh, I love this thread. Those diarrhea couplets are magnificent and bring back such fond playground memories. I’m surprised nobody’s mentioned this classic, accompanied by strategic pointing/gestures at the appropriate body parts - I’m going to go ahead and assume you know which ones: Milk Milk Lemonade 'Round the corner Fudge is made! ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/102 "2011-03-20T22:54:37Z")
Build a bonfire, build a bonfire, Put the teachers on the top, Put the headmaster in the middle, Then burn the fuckin\* lot! (\*actually, I think we were too chicken to sing this version, though we all did know that was what the word really should be, we actually tended to sing ‘bleedin’ or even ‘bleepin’.) Also: Charlie 'ad a pigeon, a pigeon, a pigeon, Charlie 'ad a pigeon a pigeon 'e 'ad, It flew in the day and it flew in the night, And when it got back it was covered in- Charlie 'ad a pigeon… repeat ad nauseam. I remember a bunch of my classmates driving one of the teachers into a screaming fit when someone started that on a coach trip back from France to England… ---
**Author:** ![breezilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@breezilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breezilla)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2011, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/103 "2011-03-20T23:44:41Z")
> [@Katisha](#): > > Well, when I was in grade school this one was very popular… > > “There once was a farmer who lived near a crick, > And every night he would play with his… > Banjo in the moonlight for the lady next door, > You could tell just by looking that she was a… > Decent young lady who rolled in the grass, > And when she rolled over you could see her big… > Legs in the moonlight – she walked like a duck, > She promised to teach him a new way to… > Raise up the children, the girls could all knit, > The boys were all outside, shoveling… > Corn and potaters, they did it quite well, > If you don’t like my story you can go straight to…bed!” Arrogant Worms did a much longer version of this called [“The Assumption Song”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TywmpMQYojs). ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/104 "2011-03-21T12:16:39Z")
Yankee Doodle went to town, Riding on his mother. Every time they hit a bump, He had a baby brother. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/105 "2011-03-21T15:08:48Z")
I must have lived in more innocent times, because our version went: Yankee Doodle went to town Riding on a turtle Turned the corner just in time To see a lady’s girdle! We also had a counting song: 10 little devils all dressed in red Trying to get to Heaven on the end of a thread The thread string broke and down they all fell Instead of going to Heaven they all went to 9 Little devils all dressed in red… You could keep that song going for quite a while depending on how many devils you started with. It was almost as bad as the 99 Bottles song. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/106 "2011-03-23T16:56:02Z")
A ten-year-old thread to bring out the ten-year-olds in all of us… ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/107 "2011-03-23T17:18:47Z")
> [@howgoesit](#): > > Salvation Arrrrmy > Salvation Arrrrmy > > Put a nickel in the pot! > Save another drunken sot! > Oh yeah, Good times…Good times… Salvation Army, Salvation Army Put a nickel in the drug, save another drunken bum. Salcvation Army, Salvation Army. Put a nickel in the drum and you’ll be saved. Bars close at 12:00 (boooooooo) Bars reopen at 12:01 (yeaaaaaaaaah). Repeat chorus No drinks sold to children (Booooooooo) Children under 2 (Yeaaaaaah). Repeat chorus. ---
**Author:** ![kersting13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kersting13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kersting13)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/108 "2011-08-23T06:06:06Z")
Not last night, but the night before 24 (insert favorite racial or homophobic slur)'s came knocking at my door Went upstairs to get my gun tripped over the pee pot on the run I couldn’t swim, I couldn’t float A big, bad turd went down my throat Went downstairs to take a leak tripped o’er the stove and burnt my dick Went outside to cool it off Those damn (insert favorite racial or homophobic slur)'s ate it off! ---
**Author:** ![curious11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ac91a4/32.png) [@curious11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curious11)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/109 "2011-08-23T16:55:34Z")
Cragmont Cola is the drink to pour downt he kitchen sink looks like vomit, tastes like ink Cragmont Cola sure does stink! * * * I’ve been working on the railroad all my live long day I’ve been working ont he railroad just to pass the time away Can’t you hear the whistle blowing, rise up so early in the morn, Can’t you hear the whistle blowing? Dinah blow my horn. (2x) Dinah woncha blow Dinah woncha blow Dinah woncha blow my horn Coming in her mouth in the morning Coming in her ass at ni-i-i-i-ght Coming in her mouth in the morning Coming in her ass at night And she says Fee-Fi-Fiddly-eye-oh Fee-Fi-Fiddly-eye-oh-oh-oh Fee-Fi-Fiddly-eye-ohhhhhhh Shooting it down her throat! * * * Two Irishman, Two Irishman were digging in a ditch One called the other a dirty son of a… Peter Murphy had a dog, such a fine dog was he Along came another and bit him on the… Cocktails, gingerale, twenty-five cents a glass And if you don’t like it you can shove it up your… Ask me no questions, I won’t tell you any lies And if you get hit with a bucket of shit you better close your eyes. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/110 "2011-08-23T20:23:00Z")
We had variants of some that have been posted: Batman, took me to the movies Batman, it was real groovy Batman, took me to the park, Batman, kissed me in the dark Batman, put it in real easy Batman, pulled it out real greasy … Batman, Batman, Batman Great big globs of greasy, grimey, gopher’s guts Mutilated monkey meat Little birdie’s twisted feet All wrapped up in one little pack to eat and I forgot my spoon… but I have a straw! You yellow-bellied sapsucker mother-fucker cock sucker two-balled bitch Every time I see you makes my two-balls itch I can’t remember the whole thing but we had a Battle Hymn of the Republic parody: My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule… ---
**Author:** ![norvalnormal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f19dbf/32.png) [@norvalnormal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norvalnormal)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2011, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/111 "2011-08-23T23:00:15Z")
[sung to the tune of “That’s Amore” …] When your balls hit the floor / Like a B-54 That’sa rupture … When they fall out of bed / Like they’re made out of lead It’s a rupture … … When you’re mowing the lawn / And you’re singing this song And your balls hit the blade / And out comes lemonade … Iiiiit’s a ruuupture … ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/112 "2011-08-24T01:38:58Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Salvation Army, Salvation Army > Put a nickel in the drug, save another drunken bum. > Salcvation Army, Salvation Army. > Put a nickel in the drum and you’ll be saved. Hallelujah, hallelujah Throw a nickel on the drum, save another drunken bum. Hallelujah, hallelujah Throw a nickel on the drum, and you’ll be saved. Hallelujah, hallelujah Throw a nickel on the floor, save another dirty whore. Hallelujah, hallelujah Throw a nickel on the drum, and you’ll be saved. ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2011, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/113 "2011-08-24T02:21:35Z")
Another one to the Tune of “Thats Amore” When a thread says goodbye, and it just will not die, That’s a Zombie. Twice it has been revived, but it just aint alive, That’s a Zombie. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/114 "2011-08-25T17:54:46Z")
> [@Khampelf](#): > > My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school > We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule > We have even drowned the principal in his own swimming pool > Our truth is marching on. We sang it like this when I was a kid: My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule We played poker, and we even played pool In the cellar of the burning school. Although, I must admit, I do like the idea of drowning the principal. 😃 We sang this in scout camp: I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it’s hot. I wear my flannel nighties in the winter when it’s not. And sometimes in the springtime, and sometimes in the fall I’ll jump right in between the sheets with nothing on at all. Glory, glory, hallelujah. Glory, glory, what’s it to ya? Balmy breezes blowin’ through ya, With nothing on at all. ---
**Author:** ![curious11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ac91a4/32.png) [@curious11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curious11)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/115 "2011-08-25T19:26:50Z")
Sung to the tune of “I’m looking over a four leaf clover.” I’m looking over my dead dog rover That I over-ran with the lawn mower. One leg is missing, the other’s all gone, The third one’s spread all over the lawn, But it really doesn’t matter anymore, Cause the fourth one’s on the kitchen dooooooooor, Oh I’m looking over, my dead dog rover That I over-ran with lawn mower! ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/116 "2011-08-25T20:12:33Z")
A pretty miss went out to P I I I I C K some flowers She stepped in grass up to her A A A A N N KLES high She saw a bird land on a T U U R R KEY feather She wasn’t smart she let a F A A R R MER take her home. ---
**Author:** ![Frank\_S](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@Frank\_S](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank_S)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2014, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/117 "2014-01-11T00:00:06Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > Can’t believe I’m posting this. > > Diarrhea (fart, fart). Diarrhea (fart, fart). > Some people think it’s gross > But it’s really good on toast. > Diarrhea (fart, fart). > > Granny’s in the cellar. > And oh lord can’t you smell her? > She’s a cooking on her old and dirty stove. > Something is the matter, > Something’s fallen in the batter > And she whistles while the (snort) rolls down her nose. Granny’s in the cellar, Lordy how ya smell her, She’s making pancakes on her greasy stove, Her eyes are full of matter drippin in the batter, With a great big (make a phlegm clearing sound) hanging from her nose. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2014, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/118 "2014-01-11T01:00:00Z")
I hate you, you hate me I’m the one who killed Barney With a shot tothe head from a loaded .44 No more Purple Dinosaur ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2014, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/119 "2014-01-11T08:08:11Z")
_Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord He is coming round the corner in a green-and-yellow Ford He has one hand on the throttle and the other on a bottle Of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer! Glory, Glory sock it to yah! Teacher hit me with a ruler! I bonked her on the bean with a rotten tangerine And she kicked me out of school!_ _Love me tender, love me true; Elvis Presley is a ju!_ (I didn’t know how to spell that last word or what it meant. I just repeated it from my older brother when he sang these lines. Our Dad heard me sing it and said, “Don’t say that–you’ll insult the Jews.” These were verses I wrote myself: \*Last night as I lay on my pillow I lay on my pillow last night I reached in the dark for some bug spray Next morning the bedroom was white! Bring back, bring back, bring back my beige walls to me, to me… Last night as I lay on my pillow A gas main blew out under me I heard a trerrific explosion And landed outside in a tree! Bring back, bring back, bring back my bedroom to me, to me… Last night as I lay on my pillow Last night when I lay all alone I dreamt that I ate a marshmallow Next morning my pillow was gone! Bring back, bring back, bring back my pillow to me, to me… Last night I programmed my computer A thunderstorm started outside A lightning bolt hit the main cable Now all of my floppies are fried! Bring back, bring back, bring back my software to me, to me… Next door to me lives a young mother Whose kids always get in her hair Her four-year-old son found the scissors And now her posterior’s bare! Bring back, bring back, bring back my panties to me, to me… My Bonnie lies over the ocean, My Bonnie lies over the sea; But while she lies over the ocean, She isn’t here lying to me!\* ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2014, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115/120 "2014-01-11T09:08:56Z")
The last verse of the “On Top of Old Smokey” one… Early next morning I heard a big blast I knew it was Teacher Going to heaven at last [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-cussing-songs/88115.md?page=7)