# Children's songs your mom didn't let you sing **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 2, 2017, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470 "2017-11-02T07:20:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/1 "2017-11-02T07:20:19Z")
I’m not sure this is even a thing any more but in my childhood and years before that, there were songs–usually original lyrics set to the tune of a popular song or a commercial jingle–that kids sang gleefully and often, unless they were around parents or teachers. For instance, long after WWII was over, this was one popular song among kids: (Sung to “Whistle While You Work”): Whistle while you work. Hitler is a jerk. Mussolini bit his weenie. Now it doesn’t work. My mother was no fan of either Hitler or Mussolini, but she forbad that one. I’m wondering how many such not-in-front-of the grown-ups songs we could collectively recall. I’m also wondering if they varied by region. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/2 "2017-11-02T07:22:34Z")
As jeez, my hippie parents had honest to god full on hootenannies at my house when I was very young. There is plenty of song I wish they didn’t sing in front of ME. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/3 "2017-11-02T07:24:47Z")
99 bottles of beer on the walk, for obvious reasons. I sang Frère Jacques in Baptist church one time. My mom was embarrassed because she felt it’s a Catholic song. I’m not sure who taught it to me. The words in that song are the only French I know. Someone taught me the Eenie, meenie, minie mo song. Nope can’t sing that. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/4 "2017-11-02T08:45:31Z")
I got smacked around by my father for singing a variation of [this song](https://humorinamerica.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/two-irishmen-digging-in-a-ditch/) in the car. ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/5 "2017-11-02T09:38:29Z")
Miss Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell Miss Susie went to heaven and the steamboat went to Hello, operator… etc. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/6 "2017-11-02T21:22:35Z")
> [@TheChileanBlob](#): > > Miss Susie had a steamboat > The steamboat had a bell > Miss Susie went to heaven and the steamboat went to > > Hello, operator… > etc. I’d forgotten all about this one! Wow, brings back memories! ---
**Author:** ![dzeiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/46a35a/32.png) [@dzeiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dzeiger)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/7 "2017-11-02T21:28:05Z")
Probably the least appropriate one I remember On top of Old Smokey All covered with blood I shot my poor teacher with a .44 slug I went to her funeral I went to her grave Instead of flowers I threw a grenade ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/8 "2017-11-02T21:31:29Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I got smacked around by my father for singing a variation of [this song](https://humorinamerica.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/two-irishmen-digging-in-a-ditch/) in the car. > [@](#): > > I sang Frère Jacques in Baptist church one time. My mom was embarrassed because she felt it’s a Catholic song I have to ask…what part of this sounded Catholic to her? Were you singing it in French? Maybe she thought French=Catholic? IIRC, the English version went "Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping? Brother John? Brother John? Morning bells are ringing. Morning bells are ringing. Ding, dong, ding. That’s one I’ve never heard. It occurs to me there were a number of songs that used the same first-syllable-of-the-bad-word trick. Like this one, though I can’t recall all the words. Maybe someone else recalls the rest. I wanna neck! I wanna neck! I wanna necklace made of pearls! **------(Missing part)------** And when the dam-dam-dam-dam-damage is done, I wanna have my child my childish fun in the good, in the good, in the good ol’ summertime! There were other verses, too, that I can’t recall. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/9 "2017-11-02T21:34:19Z")
By the time I began going to school and learning these songs from other children, my mother had me too well trained to ever sing them within her hearing. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/10 "2017-11-02T21:43:05Z")
> [@aceplace57](#): > > 99 bottles of beer on the walk, for obvious reasons. > > I sang Frère Jacques in Baptist church one time. My mom was embarrassed because she felt it’s a Catholic song. While on a two-hour bus ride, our bus full of 6th graders took “99 Bottles…” all the way to zero. 😛 The chaperones were probably ready to tear their hair out. There’s also a “Dennis the Menace” cartoon where they’re in church, and it’s captioned, “Because I knew ‘Yankee Doodle’ better, that’s why.” 😃 For me, it was that “Shaving Cream” song. I was about 10 years old when it was a hit, and yeah, it was a remake. :o ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/11 "2017-11-02T21:50:16Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > I have to ask…what part of this sounded Catholic to her? Were you singing it in French? Maybe she thought French=Catholic? > > IIRC, the English version went "Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping? Brother John? Brother John? Morning bells are ringing. Morning bells are ringing. Ding, dong, ding. _Brother_ John seems to be a Catholic thing, no? Wikipedia says this: > [@](#): > > Francesca Draughon and Raymond Knapp argue that Frère Jacques was originally a song to taunt Jews or Protestants or Martin Luther (see Frère Jacques in popular culture) ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2017, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/12 "2017-11-02T22:07:28Z")
I knew a bunch of silly lyrics and inappropriate children’s songs, but most of them were taught to me by my mother. She loved that stuff, and still makes up wacky or inappropriate lyrics when she’s singing along to songs. One that I know she taught me: Oh I won’t go to Macy’s any more more more There’s a big fat policeman at the door door door He’ll take you by the collar And he’ll make you pay a dollar Oh I won’t go to Macy’s any more more more I’m pretty sure I remember her singing Jingle Bells, Batman Smells and On Top of Spaghetti. > [@](#): > > I wanna neck! I wanna neck! I wanna > necklace made of pearls! > ------(Missing part)------ > And when the dam-dam-dam-dam-damage is done, > I wanna have my child > my childish fun > in the good, in the good, in the good ol’ summertime! This is the camp song “I Want A Man”: I want a man, I want a man I want a mansion in the sky I wanna neck, I wanna neck I wanna necklace from my guy And when the dam, dam, dam, dam Damage is done We’ll have a child, child, child, child Childish fun And there was Granny Swingin’ on the outhouse door Without her nightie Swingin’ on the outhouse door One more time Swingin’ on the outhouse door The outhouse door Oh, yeah The version I learned had the second line “I want a boy, I want a boy, I want a boysenberry pie”. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/13 "2017-11-03T03:23:09Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > I knew a bunch of silly lyrics and inappropriate children’s songs, but most of them were taught to me by my mother. She loved that stuff, and still makes up wacky or inappropriate lyrics when she’s singing along to songs. > > One that I know she taught me: > > Oh I won’t go to Macy’s any more more more > There’s a big fat policeman at the door door door > He’ll take you by the collar > And he’ll make you pay a dollar > Oh I won’t go to Macy’s any more more more > > I’m pretty sure I remember her singing Jingle Bells, Batman Smells and On Top of Spaghetti. > > This is the camp song “I Want A Man”: > > I want a man, I want a man > I want a mansion in the sky > I wanna neck, I wanna neck > I wanna necklace from my guy > And when the dam, dam, dam, dam > Damage is done > We’ll have a child, child, child, child > Childish fun > And there was Granny > Swingin’ on the outhouse door > Without her nightie > Swingin’ on the outhouse door > One more time > Swingin’ on the outhouse door > The outhouse door > Oh, yeah > > The version I learned had the second line “I want a boy, I want a boy, I want a boysenberry pie”. THAAAT’S the one. I learned the version without boysenberry pie, but I like the addition. I had a book that had the lyrics and an illustration of a sleeping boy. Makes sense now that they wouldn’t have wanted to depict a Catholic monk. I was curious about the song as a taunt, so I thought to look it up in a source I’m sure we all agree is far superior to Wikipedia: the SD archives. Sure enough, there’s a whole thread on it. I thought this was particularly interesting: > [@](#): > > IIRC, the English version went "Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping? Brother John? Brother John? Morning bells are ringing. Morning bells are ringing. Ding, dong, ding. > > Brother John seems to be a Catholic thing, no? > > Wikipedia says this: > > Quote: > Francesca Draughon and Raymond Knapp argue that Frère Jacques was originally a song to taunt Jews or Protestants or Martin Luther (see Frère Jacques in popular culture) I had a book that had the lyrics and an illustration of a sleeping boy. Makes sense now that they wouldn’t have wanted to depict a Catholic monk. I was curious about the song as a taunt, so I thought to look it up in a source I’m sure we all agree is far superior to Wikipedia: the SD archives. Sure enough, there’s a whole thread on it. I learned that the French version translates to “Brother James”; that in the French, it’s a command to ring the bells, not that the bells are ringing; and that it may have been used by Protestants to taunt Catholics. All this in one short song. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/14 "2017-11-03T06:09:54Z")
> [@dzeiger](#): > > Probably the least appropriate one I remember > > On top of Old Smokey > All covered with blood > I shot my poor teacher > with a .44 slug… Somewhat similar was the one that was definitely not a favorite of teachers (and parents) when I was a child: Glory, glory, hallelujah, Teacher hit me with a ruler, I hid behind the door with a loaded .44, And Teacher didn’t hit me no more. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/15 "2017-11-03T13:50:02Z")
In terms of songs we were actually forbidden to sing, I recall only Jingle Bells. The normal version. My mother hated it. Others we presumably didn’t even try to sing around adults. Oddly, though, I recall an occasion when our class sang Ding Dong in front of our teacher. If you don’t recall it, it went like this: > [@](#): > > Yo’ mama don’t wear no drawers > I saw when she took 'em off > She threw 'em in the tree > That tree started World War Three And so on like that for as many verses as the gathered crowd knew. Our teacher added her own verses with a message about the environment: > [@](#): > > She threw 'em in the air > They polluted the atmosphere Back in my day, there was still some currency to this tune that dated back who knows how long: > [@](#): > > It’s Howdy Doody time! > Time to make your booty shine! If there were more verses, I never found them out. Likewise with this snippet: > [@](#): > > There is a place in France > Where the ladies where no pants But that does remind me of this bit: > [@](#): > > I’m Popeye the Sailor Man > I live in a garbage can > I like to go swimming > With buck naked women > I’m Popeye the Sailor Man ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/16 "2017-11-03T14:00:58Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Somewhat similar was the one that was definitely not a favorite of teachers (and parents) when I was a child: > > Glory, glory, hallelujah, > Teacher hit me with a ruler, > I hid behind the door with a loaded .44, > And Teacher didn’t hit me no more. Our version ended with the couplet: _I shot her at the door with a loaded .44 And she ain’t my teacher anymore_ I do believe that is where I learned what a “.44” was, although that may have been from the “On Top of Old Smokey” song, too. Our version ended _I went to her funeral, I spit on her grave/When everyone threw flowers, I threw a grenade_. My parents didn’t police our song lyrics (and they probably didn’t really fully understand them, being Polish immigrants), so anything was fair game to sing. > [@](#): > > There is a place in France > Where the ladies where no pants That continues “there’s a hole in the wall, where the men can see it all,” although in my neighborhood, the opening was “There’s a place in France, where the naked ladies dance.” And I seem to recall there being an “underwear” line, as well. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/17 "2017-11-03T15:06:12Z")
Found this out there on the 'net… In the land of Oz Where the women wear no bras And the men don’t care 'Cause they wear no underwear And there’s a big fat genie With an artificial weenie So now you know Why you shouldn’t go… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/18 "2017-11-03T18:04:12Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > That continues “there’s a hole in the wall, where the men can see it all,” although in my neighborhood, the opening was “There’s a place in France, where the naked ladies dance.” And I seem to recall there being an “underwear” line, as well. That reminds me of another one: > [@](#): > > Here comes the bride > All dressed in white > Where is the groom? > He’s in the ladies’ room. > What is he doing there? > He lost his underwear! ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2017, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/19 "2017-11-03T20:18:13Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Somewhat similar was the one that was definitely not a favorite of teachers (and parents) when I was a child: > > Glory, glory, hallelujah, > Teacher hit me with a ruler, > I hid behind the door with a loaded .44, > And Teacher didn’t hit me no more. The version we sang was much milder, but still forbidden by mom: Glory, glory, hallelujah, Teacher hit me with a ruler. I bopped her on the bean with a rotten tangerine, and her teeth came marching out. And this one… Ta-rah-rah boom-de-ay, We have no school today. The teacher passed away. We threw her in the bay. The sharks had lunch today. One that Mom didn’t forbid but didn’t like was a jump rope song. Now that I think about it, the lyrics are pretty dark: Fudge, fudge, call the judge! Mama’s gonna have a new baby. Wrap it up in tissue paper. Send it down the the elevator. First floor: kicks! Second floor kicks! Etc. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Poo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed8c4c/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Poo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Poo)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2017, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/20 "2017-11-06T12:02:22Z")
Ip dip dog shit Fucking bastard, silly git Ip dip goes out you Jingle bells jingle bells Batman smells, robin laid an egg Uncle Billy lost his willy on the motorway Hey I daren’t say the first in front of my parents. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470.md?page=2)