# Children's songs your mom didn't let you sing **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 2, 2017, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470 "2017-11-02T07:20:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2017, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/21 "2017-11-07T01:16:31Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Somewhat similar was the one that was definitely not a favorite of teachers (and parents) when I was a child: > > Glory, glory, hallelujah, > Teacher hit me with a ruler, > I hid behind the door with a loaded .44, > And Teacher didn’t hit me no more. I’m sure there was a verse that started ‘Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school, We are marching down the corridor, de-dum, de-dum, de-dum’ That’s all I’ve got, but the memory banks are twitching… ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2017, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/22 "2017-11-07T01:38:47Z")
> [@Wallaby](#): > > I’m sure there was a verse that started > > ‘Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school, > We are marching down the corridor, de-dum, de-dum, de-dum’ > > That’s all I’ve got, but the memory banks are twitching… There’s an entire Wikipedia page for [The Burning of the School](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Burning_of_the_School), with scholarly citations. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2017, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/23 "2017-11-07T21:01:47Z")
There were no children’s songs I was discouraged from singing, but I grew up in an Irish family, and there were LOTS of songs I learned from the Clancy Brothers and the Dubliners that my Mom didn’t want me singing. Lots of songs about drinking and sex. At 7 or 8, I was singing “Seven Drunken Nights,” having no idea what it was about (an Irishman comes home stinking drunk each night, oblivious to blatant clues that his wife is sleeping with another man while he’s out). ---
**Author:** ![Blisters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Blisters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blisters)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/24 "2017-11-08T06:43:08Z")
I asked my son a few years back if kids still sing the “milk, milk, lemonade” song. He didn’t know it, so I demonstrated (I’m guessing you can guess the gestures that go along with the rhyme) Milk, Milk, Lemonade. Round the corner fudge is made. It was not one of my proudest parenting moments…and the kiddo did not crack a smile. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/25 "2017-11-08T06:59:55Z")
_There’s a place in France where the women wear no pants. … But the men don’t care, 'cause they wear no underwear. … And the men walk 'round with their dickies hanging down. … And the men wear bikinis, and the women suck their weenies._ \*I’m Popeye the Sailor Man, I’m Popeye the Sailor Man! I love to go swimmin’ with barenaked wimmen! I’m Popeye the Sailor Man! \* _I’m Popeye the Garbage Man, I live in a garbage can! I eat all the worms and I spit out the germs! I’m Popeye the Garbage Man!_ _I’m Popeye the Sailor Man, I live in a frying pan! You turn on the gas and I burn off my ass! I’m Popeye the Sailor Man!_ ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/26 "2017-11-08T07:03:23Z")
I learned this one much later (sung to the tune of “Colonel Bogey”): \*Hitler has only got one ball! Goering has two, but they are small! Himmler is somewhat sim’lar! And Goebbels hasn’t got any at all!\* ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/27 "2017-11-08T07:04:32Z")
_Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel, and the Joker got away!_ ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/28 "2017-11-08T08:41:56Z")
Others I recall include “Barnacle Bill the Sailor”: _Who’s that knocking at my door? Who’s that knocking at my door? Who’s that knocking at my door? Asked the fair young maiden. It’s me and my crew, we’ve come for a screw, said Barnacle Bill the Sailor._ And one whose title I cannot recall: _The cabin boy, the cabin boy, The dirty little nipper, He lined his ass with ground-up glass, And circumcised the skipper._ And there was “Three German Soldiers,” sung to the tune of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home”: _Three German Soldiers crossed the Rhine, taboo, taboo, Three German Soldiers crossed the Rhine, taboo, taboo, Three German Soldiers crossed the Rhine; they fucked the women and drank the wine, And they all sang “Sieg Heil, tickle my ass”, taboo._ Given the fact that I’m of a generation where many of our fathers were in WWII, the latter should not be a surprise. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/29 "2017-11-08T08:58:59Z")
Oh! And another one: “Seven Old Ladies,” sung to the tune of “Oh Dear, What Can the Matter Be?” \*Oh dear, what can the matter be? Seven old ladies were stuck in the lavatory. They were there from Sunday till Saturday. And nobody knew they were there. The first old lady was old Mrs. Flynn. She prided herself on being quite thin, But when she sat down, the poor dear fell in. And nobody knew she was there.\* [Repeat chorus] \*The second old lady was old Mrs. Humphrey. She sat down and made herself comfy, But when she was through, she couldn’t get her bum free, And nobody knew she was there. \* [Repeat chorus] And on it goes, through five more ladies. My parents hated it; I loved it. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/30 "2017-11-08T09:06:21Z")
\ ***M** is for the many times you made me, **O** is for the other times you tried. \*\*T \*_is for the tourist camps we slept in, **H** is for the hell we raised inside. **E** is for your ever-lastin’ lovin’ **R** is for the “reck” you made of me. Put them all together, they spell M-O-O-O-THER, and, brother, that’s what I’m about to be!_ ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/31 "2017-11-08T13:32:42Z")
Everybody’s doin’ it, doin’ it Pickin’ their nose and chewin’ it, chewin’ it My brother and I really got on my mom’s nerves with that one, though I think it was more due to our repetition rather than the words. Not a children’s song, but when my best pal and I went to see Mel Brooks’s _History of the World Part I_, we about wet ourselves laughing at _The Inquisition_. When we got back to my house and sang it ,it totally pissed my mother off. Didn’t we know how offensive it was?!(no). Just what is so funny about people being tortured? (everything, when it’s Mel Brooks). ---
**Author:** ![Mixolydian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Mixolydian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mixolydian)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/32 "2017-11-08T14:51:10Z")
Well, there’s all those John Valby parodies and other assorted ditties… ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/33 "2017-11-08T15:14:07Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Not a children’s song, but when my best pal and I went to see Mel Brooks’s _History of the World Part I_, we about wet ourselves laughing at _The Inquisition_. When we got back to my house and sang it ,it totally pissed my mother off. Didn’t we know how offensive it was?!(no). Just what is so funny about people being tortured? (everything, when it’s Mel Brooks). My favorite is “Springtime for Hitler.” I often sing it while I’m working in the kitchen: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HPXHRX8Q2hs/hqdefault.jpg "Springtime For Hitler The Producers") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPXHRX8Q2hs) ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/34 "2017-11-08T15:49:16Z")
> [@Johnny\_Angel](#): > > That reminds me of another one: > > > [@](#): > > > > Here comes the bride > All dressed in white > Where is the groom? > He’s in the ladies’ room. > What is he doing there? > He lost his underwear! Version I heard was from my dad: Here comes the bride Big, fat, and wide Here comes the groom Skinny as a broom Also one where she stepped on a turtle and then turtle cried. I think. The kids on my bus at camp also made up a second verse to “Great Green Globs of Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts”: Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts Peanut butter hippo butts Hotdogs that taste like mutts Little baby bumblebees flying through my open cuts Oops, I forgot my spoon. Both my parents went to camps that had the same theme song, except for the name of the camp. There was one line that went, “Hail, hail, the gang’s all here”. At mom’s camp the kids would change it to “Hail, hail, the garbage pail”, and at dad’s it was “Hail, hail, the gang’s in jail.” And when “I Believe I Can Fly” came out, the boys at camp had their own version that started “I believe I can die/I got shot by the FBI…” ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/35 "2017-11-08T19:52:24Z")
Marijuana Marijuana LSD LSD Scientists make it Teachers take it Why can’t we? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/36 "2017-11-08T20:54:57Z")
Ah, another one just now swam up from the abyss of memory: From the halls of Lake View High School To the shores of Bubblegum Bay We will fight with all our teachers We will fight with spitballs, gum and clay We will fight for longer recess And to keep our desks a mess We are proud to claim the title of the teachers’ number one pest ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/37 "2017-11-08T21:48:22Z")
\*Tiddlywinks, young man, get a woman if you can! If you can’t get a woman, get a clean old man! From the lofty heights of Malta to the shores of old Gibraltar, can you do the double shuffle with your balls in a can? Do your balls hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow? Do they make a rusty clamor when you hit 'em with a hammer? Can you do the double shuffle when your balls hang low?\* ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2017, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/38 "2017-11-08T21:54:54Z")
Cadence, from when I used to play Army: \*My pack is heavy, my boots are tight, my balls are swingin’ from left to right! Left, left; left, right, left! I left my wife and seventeen men in fucking position without any rubbers! Left, left; left, right, left!\* ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2017, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/39 "2017-11-09T03:45:55Z")
My sister and I used to make up our own songs, about fucking cows, for some reason. (To the tune of “Let’s Go Fly a Kite”) Let’s go fuck a cow Then we shall take a bow Let’s go fuck a cow And send it soaring Up past my underwear Up where there is no hair Oh, let’s go Fuck a cow ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2017, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470/40 "2017-11-09T21:03:56Z")
> [@Wallaby](#): > > I’m sure there was a verse that started > > ‘Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school, > We are marching down the corridor, de-dum, de-dum, de-dum’ > > That’s all I’ve got, but the memory banks are twitching… We sang: Mine eyes have seen the burning of the school. We have tortured every teacher. We have broken every rule. We planned to kill the principal the next afternoon. His truth is marching on. Glory, Glory halleluya Teacher hit me a ruler. \ His truth is marching on. Variable lyrics included: I chased her through the bank With a US Army Tank I met her at the door With a loaded .44. I’m sure there were more, but That’s all I can remember. We also had: On top of spaghetti All covered with sand, I shot my poor teacher with a red rubberband I shot her with pleasure. I shot her with pride. I couldn’t have missed her - She’w a hundred feet wide. I went to her funeral. I went to her grave. Everybody threw flowers - I threw a grenade. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/childrens-songs-your-mom-didnt-let-you-sing/800470.md?page=3)