# Chinese Officials Probe 10,000 Pigeon Anuses **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2014, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153 "2014-10-02T02:23:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/21 "2014-10-02T19:14:38Z")
How much sarin gas can a pigeon fart? ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2014, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/22 "2014-10-02T19:48:11Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > “Captain, the Klingon Warbird has engaged its Cloacaing Device!” You win. I also think any pigeons with devices shoved up their cloacas would not only be walking funny … er, funnier, but might have a little trouble actually flying. But maybe that’s the point, they’d drop into or waddle around the crowd in order to cause more damage? And now I have two quotes rattling around my head: “Rectum? Damn well, killed’em” and “God as my witness, I thought pigeons with explosives shoved up their ass could fly!” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/23 "2014-10-02T20:03:45Z")
It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta do it. I just feel bad for that guy. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/24 "2014-10-02T20:25:51Z")
> [@SiamSam222](#): > > Quote: **“The entire process was reportedly videotaped.”** I can only hope Homeland Security in the US is taking notes. The TSA’s standard practice to visually self-inspect their own anuses; they do not use any scoping device for these checks, just extreme flexibility. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2014, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/25 "2014-10-02T21:10:20Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > You win. > > I also think any pigeons with devices shoved up their cloacas would not only be walking funny … er, funnier, but might have a little trouble actually flying. But maybe that’s the point, they’d drop into or waddle around the crowd in order to cause more damage? > > And now I have two quotes rattling around my head: > > “Rectum? Damn well, killed’em”… Small world. [I used this same quote in another thread – earlier today!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17781235&highlight=rectum#post17781235) ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/26 "2014-10-02T21:45:36Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Small world. [I used this same quote in another thread – earlier today!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17781235&highlight=rectum#post17781235) I had not seen that. Great minds. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2014, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/27 "2014-10-03T02:29:32Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > I also think any pigeons with devices shoved up their cloacas would not only be walking funny … er, funnier, but might have a little trouble actually flying. But maybe that’s the point, they’d drop into or waddle around the crowd in order to cause more damage? > > And now I have two quotes rattling around my head: > > “Rectum? Damn well, killed’em” > > and > > “God as my witness, I thought pigeons with explosives shoved up their ass could fly!” I recall reading somewhere – this Board maybe? – about someone who would impress crowds by shooting at pigeons or doves that someone had secretly shoved a big firecracker up their cloaca. A bird would be released, and the shooter would time his shot to coincide with the bomblet going off. The results were sick but spectacular. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2014, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/28 "2014-10-03T11:43:03Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > “God as my witness, I thought pigeons with explosives shoved up their ass could fly!” “I know, I Know. But they can only do it ONCE…” > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > How much sarin gas can a pigeon fart? Is that a Taiwainese pidgeon or a Mainland pidgeon? > [@hotflungwok](#): > > PigeonAssbook? Better than Haiku (hī-Coo). Wrong country. 😛 > [@Diceman](#): > > There’s a billion people in China. I’m sure there’s at least a few who have an avian rectal fetish. Wanted: Puckered Pidgeon Pooper Prober. Must be a motivated self-starter with long spindly fingers. 40 hours a week guaranteed. 401k and full benefits. Inquire at Party Headquarters. _No Agencies Please_ ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2014, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/29 "2014-10-03T11:57:38Z")
> [@hotflungwok](#): > > Probably, but how do you find them? [Craigslist, of course!](http://geo.craigslist.org/iso/cn) but under “Pets” or “Casual Encounters”? ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2014, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/30 "2014-10-03T12:23:36Z")
You have to be careful about accepting that job. If you’re too good, you can get pigeon-holed in that career. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2014, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/31 "2014-10-03T19:54:38Z")
This has been Going on for a long time, even in the United States. The process is simple, insert the specially designed probe into the proper hole (technically “cloaca” is correct, byut commonly called the “ass”), spread the tip on a special paper that checks for bomb residue. Really, I’m surprised the people on this board have never heard of a **P** igeon **A** ss **P** robe (PAP) smear. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2014, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/32 "2014-10-03T20:14:30Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > [Craigslist, of course!](http://geo.craigslist.org/iso/cn) but under “Pets” or “Casual Encounters”? [lovely pimeranean puppy.](http://beijing.craigslist.com.cn/pet/4662651789.html) Craigslist, the same the world over. > [@](#): > > This is a beautiful Pomeranian puppy that is home paper and toilet. she is friendly with kids and other household pets. This little pug puppy is lovely and looking for a lovely home that will shower her with love and care. email us for more details ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153/33 "2014-10-03T20:17:38Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Unless I am missing some alien tech, the biggest “bomb” that could be put up a pigeon’s… hole… is a little smaller than an M80. Throwing, say, fifty M80s into a crowd would not be without consequences, but would hardly represent a WMD. More like Weapons of Ass Desctruction. Hi honey! How was work today? I don’t want to talk about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-officials-probe-10-000-pigeon-anuses/700153.md?page=1)