# Chinese saying: you don't know someone until you've fought with them - do you agree?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-saying-you-dont-know-someone-until-youve-fought-with-them-do-you-agree/627196>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [July 4, 2012, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-saying-you-dont-know-someone-until-youve-fought-with-them-do-you-agree/627196 "2012-07-04T09:10:21Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\
**Post date:** [December 31, 2022, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-saying-you-dont-know-someone-until-youve-fought-with-them-do-you-agree/627196/21 "2022-12-31T01:47:14Z")

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> [@markn\_1](#):
>
> But is it possible to ever ‘really’ fight with someone?

Yes it is. I take it you’ve never been punched in the face.

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**Author:** ![wjChia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d6d6ee/32.png) [@wjChia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wjChia)\
**Post date:** [December 31, 2022, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-saying-you-dont-know-someone-until-youve-fought-with-them-do-you-agree/627196/22 "2022-12-31T02:16:49Z")

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You can’t translate Chinese word for word and take it at face value.

IMO, the saying is more along the lines of “you don’t truly know a person until you are in conflict”.

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**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\
**Post date:** [January 2, 2023, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chinese-saying-you-dont-know-someone-until-youve-fought-with-them-do-you-agree/627196/23 "2023-01-02T08:27:05Z")

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> [@AaronX](#):
>
> Ok my Chinese words got lost when I started the thread. They are:
> 
> 不打不相识

Knowing that this is a zombie thread, I asked my Taiwanese wife who is a native Chinese speaker, and she says that this saying actually means something more like becoming friends after a fight, eg, that a fight was that a fight was something that led to a friendship.

The quote in the title is ancient Matrix wisdom.

[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/IHcjRj2A_w8/maxresdefault.jpg ""You do not truly know someone until you fight them" Neo vs Seraph scene (Matrix Reloaded") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHcjRj2A_w8)

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