# Chirstmas carols you're not likely to hear **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 4, 2001, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884 "2001-12-04T19:27:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/21 "2001-12-05T17:35:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kilt-wearin’ man \* > **I Saw Mommy Riding Santa Claus** Spike Jones did “I saw Mommy Screwing Santa Claus”. The master apparently was destroyed by Spike Jr., but I’ve had credible sources claim they’ve heard it. _Angels Using Holes of Glory_ um… can’t think of any more ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/22 "2001-12-05T17:51:42Z")
Rudolph the Big Gay Reindeer Had a very shiny rear Covered with globs of K-Y Everyone knew he was queer All of the other gay reindeer Used to sing and write him poems They couldn’t wait to mount Rudolph And bury all their reindeer bones! Then one drunken Christmas Eve Santa came to play “Rudolph with your ass so tight, Can I please bang you tonight?” All of the elves they joined in (Though a few of them winced in pain) They lined up in Santa’s workshop And made a Merry Christmas daisy chain! ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/23 "2001-12-05T18:12:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tranquilis \* > Where’s **Fenris** when you need him? Bah, who needs Fenris when we’ve got **Dire Wolf** 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/24 "2001-12-05T18:28:10Z")
Gotta say, **Dire Wolf** , that was inspired! ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/25 "2001-12-05T18:29:35Z")
I Saw Mommy Felching Santa Claus The Little Hummer Boy Hark! The Harlot Angels Sing The First [time for] Noel Good King Worcestershiresauce ---
**Author:** ![Drew\_Blade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/958977/32.png) [@Drew\_Blade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drew_Blade)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/26 "2001-12-05T18:58:32Z")
I can’t vouch for Rudolf the Brown Nosed Reindeer, but I have a copy of “Randolph the Brown Nose Reindeer” (He was just as fast as Rudolf but he couldn’t stop as quick".) And a song about Santa getting a DWI. ---
**Author:** ![Arwen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7c8e57/32.png) [@Arwen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arwen)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/27 "2001-12-05T19:21:18Z")
Santa’s coming and he’s gonna KICK your ass, he’s gonna kick your ass, he’s gonna kick your ass… Santa’s coming and he’s gonna kick your ass, Cause you’ve always been a rotten little brat. Reindeer coming and they’re gonna bite your wreath, thery’re gonna chew your welcome mat, swallow your kitty cat, Reindeer coming and they’re gonna eat your begonias, Cause Santa hasn’t fed them in a month. Santa’s coming and he’s gonna KICK your ass, he’s gonna kick your ass, he’s gonna kick your ass… Santa’s coming and he’s gonna kick your ass, Cause he’s sick of shoveling snow and reindeer poo. Elves are coming and they’re gonna steal your turkey, Wreck your TV, Burn down your Christmas tree, Elves are coming and they’re gonna trash your home, Cause they ain’t got nothing else to do. ``` Santa's loaded with attitude, He's loud and drunk and smelly and rude. His workshop's been closed by an auditor, And Mrs. Claus ran off with her chiropractor. ``` Santa’s coming and he’s gonna KICK your ass, he’s gonna kick your ass, he’s gonna kick your ass… Santa’s coming and he’s gonna kick your ass, Cause he’s had a really crappy year! [sub]oooooooooh, my bum hurts![/sub] 😃 See also “Santa Got Arrested”, by the same group… ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/28 "2001-12-05T19:36:35Z")
Now to clarify I did not make this up nor do I condone it’s message. Also forgive my spelling… Riding through the Reich, In a big Mercedes bin shooting lots of kikes making lots of friends rat tat tat tat tat mow them mothers down Isn’t it great to have the Nazi’s back in town. Wow that certainly is a poor taste christmas carol. I shall now beat myself with a bat. ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/29 "2001-12-05T22:11:08Z")
Dire Wolf that’s wonderful! **But wrong! Wrong! Just plain wrong!! Shame!** … but still wonderful! ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/30 "2001-12-06T18:26:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by So Far So Good \* > \*\*I can’t vouch for Rudolf the Brown Nosed Reindeer, but I have a copy of “Randolph the Brown Nose Reindeer” (He was just as fast as Rudolf but he couldn’t stop as quick".) And a song about Santa getting a DWI. \*\* “Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer” exists. I recorded it off of [Dr. Demento](http://www.drdemento.com) several years ago. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/31 "2001-12-06T20:07:26Z")
\*C cups roasting near an open fire Jack’s gal nipping at his hose Girlfriend Carol being played like a lyre Nekkid couples dressed in birthday clothes Everybody knows a little snack and nibbled toes Help to make the moment right Tater tots with their eyes all aglow Will help Mr. Potatohead come tonight They know that climax is on it’s way From using adult toys and pics of Doris Day And every naughty little date is going to spy To see if monkeys out a butt can really fly And so I’m offering this simple wish To adults that frequent the SDMB Although it’s been said many times, many ways Party naked, indeed.\* ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/32 "2001-12-06T20:07:38Z")
Hark the Hairlip Angels sing fnrr fnrr fnrr fuh fnrr fnrr fnrrrrrr ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/33 "2001-12-06T21:02:16Z")
> [@](#): > > fnrr fnrr fnrr fuh fnrr fnrr fnrrrrrr HA! ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/34 "2001-12-06T22:04:48Z")
You better watch out, You better not cry, You better be good, I’m telling you why, Ashcroft’s cops are coming after you. They’ll throw you in the jailhouse, They’ll beat you with their sticks, They’ll whack you till you’re black and blue, Thats how they get their kicks. You better watch out, You better not cry, You better be good, I’m telling you why, Ashcroft’s cops are coming after you. They watch you when you’re sleeping, They listen when you’re awake, They know every thought in your head, And every move you make. You better watch out, You better not cry, You better be good, I’m telling you why, Ashcroft’s cops are coming after you. They’ll lock you in the pokey, They’ll keep you till you die, They’ll say that they suspect you, But they never will say why. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884/35 "2001-12-06T22:30:41Z")
I will also vouch for “Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer,” as well as “Leroy, the Redneck Reindeer”. 🙂 But nothing beats “Weird Al” Yankovic’s **Christmas At Ground Zero** for sheer laughability, IMO. _You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop Or Jack Frost 'side your windowsill. But if someone’s climbing down the chimney You better load your gun and shoot to kill._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chirstmas-carols-youre-not-likely-to-hear/96884.md?page=1)