# Chlamydia kills a dozen penguins. Zoo blames promiscuous seagull! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720 "2005-05-06T17:20:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/1 "2005-05-06T17:20:55Z")
[Story Here](http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/penguins_chlamydia) If I have said it once, I have said it a hundred times - never trust a seagull! They are like filthy sailors, flying from port to port, romancing all of the birds of questionable morals. When will the penguins learn? ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/2 "2005-05-06T17:25:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Zoo workers first noticed several lethargic birds about two months ago. **The penguins that died were mostly original members of the colony and about 20-years old** , Jenkins said. Their weakened immune systems led to kidney failure and respiratory distress, which eventually killed them. **The average penguin’s life span is 15 to 20 years**. bolding mine. I particularly liked this part… ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/3 "2005-05-06T17:31:02Z")
So, not exactly a promiscuous seagull, but rather one with a penchant for the really old penguins. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/4 "2005-05-06T17:45:38Z")
How do they know it wasn’t an infected human that suffers from penguin lust? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/5 "2005-05-06T18:22:50Z")
I’ll bet it’s really difficult to get a condom on a seagull… :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Unkempt\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b782af/32.png) [@The\_Unkempt\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Unkempt_One)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/6 "2005-05-06T18:36:27Z")
> [@phall0106](#): > > I’ll bet it’s really difficult to get a condom on a seagull… :dubious: I dunno…I’ll bet if you could stand on the wings and have both hands free… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/7 "2005-05-06T18:38:32Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > How do they know it wasn’t an infected human that suffers from penguin lust? :dubious: INFIDEL! Throw them out of the community. ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/8 "2005-05-06T18:52:23Z")
> [@The Unkempt One](#): > > I dunno…I’ll bet if you could stand on the wings and have both hands free… Damn you! I can’t stop laughing! My side aches! OWWW 😃😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/9 "2005-05-06T19:59:45Z")
> [@](#): > > So, not exactly a promiscuous seagull, but rather one with a penchant for the really old penguins. I guess he had a PILF fetish. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/10 "2005-05-06T22:14:51Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > How do they know it wasn’t an infected human that suffers from penguin lust? :dubious: Bloom County fan? 😃 Seagulls are the harlots of the sky, I tells ya. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/11 "2005-05-06T22:52:14Z")
This reminds me of a very old joke about an avian STD that is “untweetable.” ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/12 "2005-05-07T00:04:11Z")
> [@askeptic](#): > > bolding mine. > > I particularly liked this part… Well, you gotta die of **something** … ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/13 "2005-05-07T02:00:20Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > INFIDEL! > > Throw them out of the community. How could they tell if a human was maquerading in a penguin colony? He was wearing a tux and carrying a tray. \ Opus Beware! ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/14 "2005-05-07T02:25:00Z")
Those penguins need to realize that they are strong, independent penguins. They don’t need any seagulls romancing them in order to feel complete. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/15 "2005-05-07T02:38:02Z")
Oh sure. So the only valid relationship is between two penguins? Don’t other interspecies have equal rights to protection and recognition? What about alternate seagulls? Well?? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/16 "2005-05-07T04:50:29Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Oh sure. So the only valid relationship is between two penguins? Don’t other interspecies have equal rights to protection and recognition? What about alternate seagulls? Well?? You don’t think that a romance between a harmless flightless tuxedo wearing bird and port-to-port flying mine-mine-mine! harlot is natural? What’s next, you fiend? Ostriches and Kiwi’s? ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/17 "2005-05-07T05:02:21Z")
I blame the republicans. If they weren’t teaching water fowl abstinance only, this wouldnt have happened. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/18 "2005-05-07T12:56:40Z")
Water-fowl abstinence won’t work. Deep in the heart of the penguin colonies are pit couches, lava lamps, bean bag chairs and ecstacy for everyone. Pulsating music blares while the strobe light adds an aura of seductivity. Kama Sutra Penguin prints are on the walls to encourage variations. On one wall, two inches from the bottom, there are holes in the rock that go through to the other side. One shocked National Geographic researcher discovered with infrared goggles these to be Glory Holes. It has been noted that on a phallous shaped rock the female penguins ( possibly lesbian, it’s hard to tell as they are all dressed to the nine’s.) take turns on it pleasuring themselves. Flippers and big feet are seen flapping everywhere from the oddest positions. The largest problem remains that after sex, the penguins cannot get up easily from the shag carpeting, eventually they just swap partners with whomever else is in a similar predicament, until they hump their way over to a ice floe and can get back on their webbed feet. Those penguins that are too old or deemed by the colony as too nerdy to copulate are responsible for supplying a steady stream of fish for the fornicators. Penguin orgies are not for the squeamish. [A sampling of Penguin Porn.](http://www.fotosearch.com/ATB725/vpe113/) I never saw this on The Mutual of Omaha! ---
**Author:** ![inkleberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@inkleberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inkleberry)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/19 "2005-05-07T20:55:57Z")
It’s called [psittacosis](http://www.ccohs.ca/oshanswers/diseases/psittacosis.html), and yes, it’s a form of the clap. Fun fact: you can get it (rather innocently) from your pet parrot! Try explaining _that_ to your next sexual partner! ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2005, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720/20 "2005-05-09T14:15:36Z")
Anybody seen Opus lately?.. :eek: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chlamydia-kills-a-dozen-penguins-zoo-blames-promiscuous-seagull/302720.md?page=2)