# Choose a ficitonal lawyer to defend you on a murder charge. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 3, 2003, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285 "2003-10-03T06:47:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/41 "2003-10-03T18:28:10Z")
Oooohhhh…Joyce Davenport. Skip the trial, just put me in a cell with her. She’s the one that turned me on to women wearing nothing but a man’s dress shirt. Plnnr, who’s mother got him an autographed picture of V. Hamel for Xmas one year (my mother used to make fun of me no end about my crush on her). ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/42 "2003-10-03T18:53:40Z")
Courtney Thorne-Smith. Long-haired version. ---
**Author:** ![Rhum\_Runner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rhum\_Runner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhum_Runner)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/43 "2003-10-03T18:53:59Z")
Daniel Webster, from _The Devil and Daniel Webster_ ---
**Author:** ![Legolamb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@Legolamb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legolamb)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/44 "2003-10-03T19:24:09Z")
**Harvey Birdman - Attorney At Law.** If he can get Scooby and Shaggy off drug posession and use charges, he can do anything. ---
**Author:** ![A\_Curious\_Writer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@A\_Curious\_Writer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Curious_Writer)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/45 "2003-10-03T23:35:17Z")
Emulsified, Claire Huxtable was very good, but I think she did mostly family law and stuff. Could be wrong, though. I know, I used her when I needed to mention a fictional attorney in a story invo0lving another sitcom on [Fanfiction.net](http://Fanfiction.net). So, I’d use her for anything civil. Criminal, I vote for Matlock. Indeed, if I’m int hat fictional world I may well attend the same church. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/46 "2003-10-04T01:39:47Z")
I’d have to go with [Vincent Gambini](http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0104952/) (aka Jerry Gallo, aka Jerry Callo, etc…) He’s got a perfect win-loss record, after all. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Corixidae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Corixidae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corixidae)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/47 "2003-10-04T02:35:12Z")
I’d choose Christopher Paget from Richard North Patterson’s books **Degree of Guilt** and **Eyes of a Child**. Paget’s been a murder suspect himself and knows how it is to be on that side of the courtroom, stays calm no matter what happens. ---
**Author:** ![DeepPurple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@DeepPurple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeepPurple)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/48 "2003-10-04T02:38:25Z")
Court schmort. I’d hire Nero Wolfe. He’d have me proven innocent & I’d probably never have to go to court again after the arraignment. as for Perry Mason, mmmm, love that Perry, he also lost a case in the novels, “The Case of the Terrified Typist”. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/49 "2003-10-04T02:51:42Z")
Henry Drummond from _Inherit the Wind_ as portrayed by Spencer Tracy. ---
**Author:** ![DeepPurple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@DeepPurple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeepPurple)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/50 "2003-10-04T03:17:35Z")
Argh! Pretend you were in the other [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=215097) when you read my post. I apparently was… ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/51 "2003-10-04T03:34:44Z")
How can we have an entire page of responses here and no one’s mentioned the huge, vicious, knife-wielding Samoan attorney in _Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas_? (I mean the book, not the execrable movie.) ---
**Author:** ![Ultraviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/c77e96/32.png) [@Ultraviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ultraviolet)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/52 "2003-10-04T03:35:30Z")
Lionel Hutz, because then I would get a free smoking monkey, of course. “Look at that, he’s taking another puff.” ---
**Author:** ![Gerome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Gerome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gerome)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/53 "2003-10-04T04:46:38Z")
Gerald Broflovski, if only because he could represent both sides of the trial simultaneously. No matter the verdict, things look to work out very well for Kyle’s Dad. ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/54 "2003-10-04T05:18:03Z")
I’m going to add Dad to my team. We might need someone with patent expertise to . . . um . . . well . . . hmmm . . . I give up. I just wanted to work Calvin’s dad in somehow. Anyone who’s heard his explanation for why black and white pictures aren’t in color and how sunset works knows that this is a man who can think on his feet. So far I’ve got Douglas Wambaugh first chair and Eugene Young second chair. The bald guy from _Murder One_ to bribe the appleate court if I lose, and Dad to help plan strategy. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/13edae/32.png) [@Dewey\_Cheatem\_Undhow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Cheatem_Undhow)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2003, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/55 "2003-10-04T12:27:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by adamant \* > \*\*Atticus Finch > > Enough said. \*\* Atticus Finch is a fine example of moral rectitude, courage in a hostile environment, and yes, lawyering skill. But you’re forgetting one thing: he lost. If my ass is in a sling on a murder rap, I’m not sure I’d want a paragon of virtue defending me – I’d want someone who’d do whatever he (legally) could, however sleazy, to get me off the hook, including but not limited to the Chewbacca defense. South Park’s version of Johnny Cochran could have convinced the Maycomb jurors that Tom Robinson, in addition to being innocent, also wasn’t black. _That’s_ the kind of guy you want sitting next to you at your murder trial. ---
**Author:** ![markdiscordia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@markdiscordia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdiscordia)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/56 "2003-10-05T07:27:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Alessan \* > \*\*It depends - if ADA Ben Stone went into private practice after resigning, then I want him. \*\* He went “backpacking through Europe” according to an offhand comment in a later episode. ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2003, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285/57 "2003-10-05T10:56:40Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by vibrotronica_ > **gex** , you’re thinking of Lionel Hutz, not the great actor Troy McClure, who you might remember from such films as _The President’s Neck is Missing_, _The Unbearable Moistness of Sweating_, and _Good Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out_. :smack: I knew that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-a-ficitonal-lawyer-to-defend-you-on-a-murder-charge/205285.md?page=2)