# Choose one of these TV superheroines to rescue you from the chop shop. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 29, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887 "2014-09-29T17:59:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/1 "2014-09-29T17:59:37Z")
During an extremely ill-advised vacation trip to Central America, you get kidnapped by crooks who intend to hold you for ransom. Upon learning that your family’s liquid assets are only in the five figures, they decide to recoup their expenses by selling off your liver, kidneys, and other internal organs. For that they need a surgeon, and they leave you alone in a locked room while they wait for the guy. You manage to extricate yourself from your bonds, but the only exit takes you past a dozen guys with guns, and the nearest thing you have to a weapon is an empty package of Tic-Tacx. The bad guys have your hypertime cell phone, but fortunately you have an emergency backup built into your left shoe, so you call your friends at Rhymer Enterprises. The following conversation occurs: > [@](#): > > RhE SUPPORT REP: Thank you for calling Evil Indus–I mean, thank you for calling Rhymer Enterprises, this is [Becky Connors](http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131012054254/roseanne/images/a/a8/Lecy-goranson.jpg). I see you’re calling from the aglet phone; what’s up with that? > > YOU: No time for chit-chat. I am about to be butchered and used for spare parts, but my vacation package includes two free rescues, so get me out of here! > > BECKY: Yeah, sorry, but no. That’s gonna be a problem. > > THEE: The hell it is. There’s a freaking teleporter attached to your work station!. > > BECKY: Still can’t. I just checked the telemetry, and whoever has your main phone is screwing around with it and has caused it to send out the “Do not disturb me, you hosers!” signal that prevents the transporter from working within a hundred-meter radius and he or she is less than 50 meters away from you. > > THOU: Then tell Skald to get off his ass, into a continua buggy, and to come save me! > > BECKY: In the first place, the Boss does not run anybody’s errands but Athena’s. In the second place he’s running an errand for Athena. He’s got both the Combat and Espionage Divisions storming Valhalla to keep Odin distracted while Athena retrieves some magick doohicky from Gladsheim for–well, never mind. But I’ll tell you what. Skaldirimus makes a policy of racking up favors among the superhero set. Wonder Woman–the Lynda Carter version, I mean–owes him a solid, and so do Buffy Summers and Xena and Melinda May from Agents of SHIELD. I can teleport any one of them to about a hundred twenty meters away from you; whoever it is will have all her standard gear plus a replacement hyperphone, and she it is can fight her way to you and then get you out. Whom shall I call? > > YOU: ALL OF THEM! Plus the X-Men. > > BECKY: Yeah, sorry, but no. I’m about to go on break and do not have time to track all four down. Plus the last time [Storm](http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2010/360/7/5/when_storm_gets_angry_by_n_o_x_i_s18-d35orrh.jpg) was here she said, quote, “If you assholes ever get in my soup again I am going to electrocute every fucking RhE agent in sight, then smash your goddamn base with a hurricane, and then I’ll get violent.” She might have been kidding but I do not intend to find out. Anyway, my lunch starts in two minutes; whom shall I send to your rescue? So what’s your answer? ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/2 "2014-09-29T18:02:54Z")
WW would make me happy if she dropped in. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/3 "2014-09-29T18:24:34Z")
DC comic book fan for life. Lynda Carter WAS Wonder Woman. ---
**Author:** ![Zyanthia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Zyanthia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyanthia)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/4 "2014-09-29T18:27:04Z")
Growing up, I always wanted to be Wonder Woman, so I would choose her just for a chance to meet her in person 🙂 Think she would be upset if I did my twirling impersonation of her when she arrived? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/5 "2014-09-29T18:28:56Z")
Send The Cavalry, but don’t call her that. Or better yet, tell her the bad guys guarding me called her that. Several times. Even though I explained that Agent May really doesn’t like it when you call her that. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/6 "2014-09-29T18:34:55Z")
For me it’s a tough call. Witty quip or leather bikini? Only one gives good ululation, so she gets my vote. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/7 "2014-09-29T18:38:35Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Send The Cavalry, but don’t call her that. Or better yet, tell her the bad guys guarding me called her that. Several times. Even though I explained that Agent May really doesn’t like it when you call her that. In the first place, in the middle of a sentence it’s “the Cavalry,” not “The Cavalry.” In the second place, if you’re in a position to call May anything to her face, she’s already killed the bad guys anyway, so why bring it up at all? In the third place, if you don’t think May is going to kill the bad guys, you’re high. In the fourth place, why would you have told the bad guys that May was coming in the first place? You should think about that, because she’s certainly going to ask you. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/8 "2014-09-29T18:48:05Z")
Isis and Electra Woman aren’t options? Grumph. Oh, well, Buffy it is, then. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/9 "2014-09-29T18:52:11Z")
I’d have to go with Wonder Woman, she’s the only one with a method for dealing with bullets. I’ve often wondered why the vampires in Sunnyvale didn’t buy a gun. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/10 "2014-09-29T18:56:28Z")
Wonder Woman, mos def. I want to see her in her satin tights (and her swimsuit, and her skateboarding outfit, and her at the country singer’s concert outfit…) fighting for my rights, and the old red white and blue. And though her strength level in that era is outclassed by current Wonder Woman (is she still as strong as she was after Crisis? I haven’t read any Post 52), she’s strong enough to take care of business and stronger than Buffy or Agent May. For Xena strength level may be even but WW has an understanding of modern Earth which would eliminate any of the “An iron horse? How peculiar!” stuff that we’d get from the Warrior Princess. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/11 "2014-09-29T18:57:35Z")
Where’s my Black Widow option? ☹ Pushed to choose from the list, I’d pick May. Too many ricochets from those bracelets, Buffy is notably weak versus firearms, and Xena is too shrill. She also has a rather loose tolerance for collateral damage. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/12 "2014-09-29T18:59:30Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > … Xena is too shrill. She also has a rather loose tolerance for collateral damage. (drops body on floor) “Well, I got him out, right?” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/13 "2014-09-29T19:09:28Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > Isis and Electra Woman aren’t options? Grumph. > > Oh, well, Buffy it is, then. I don’t know who Electra Woman is; therefore she does not exist. And even the least of the candidates – Buffy – could take Isis in a fight. Isis might survive that one, and definitely would survive against Diana Prince’s alter ego because she doesn’t like killing, but both Xena and May are gonna kill her. > [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > Wonder Woman, mos def. I want to see her in her satin tights (and her swimsuit, and her skateboarding outfit, and her at the country singer’s concert outfit…) fighting for my rights, and the old red white and blue. > > And though her strength level in that era is outclassed by current Wonder Woman (is she still as strong as she was after Crisis? I haven’t read any Post 52), she’s strong enough to take care of business and stronger than Buffy or Agent May. For Xena strength level may be even but WW has an understanding of modern Earth which would eliminate any of the “An iron horse? How peculiar!” stuff that we’d get from the Warrior Princess. TV Wonder Woman is much stronger than Xena. She wrestles tanks and wins. She’s probably about as strong as TV Hulk. > [@silenus](#): > > Where’s my Black Widow option? ☹ Black Widow is not a TV superheroine. She’s a movie and comic-book superheroine. Pushed to choose from the list, I’d pick May. Too many ricochets from those bracelets, Buffy is notably weak versus firearms, and Xena is too shrill. She also has a rather loose tolerance for collateral damage. [/QUOTE] I don’t think anybody ever got injured by Wondy’s ricochets. My wife was introduced to the 70s WW by MeTV, and she says that the Carter Wonder Woman was obviously bulletproof (there’s some episode where she stopped volcano-sparking laser beam simply by standing in front of it, but though it clearly pained her it didn’t fry her) but was using the bracelets to make sure the bullets were shattered entirely rather than bouncing off randomly. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/14 "2014-09-29T19:10:39Z")
Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, no-brainer! Especially if she’s wearing the costume from the final year of the show (I swear, the top got lower with each passing season)! :o ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/15 "2014-09-29T19:21:47Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, no-brainer! Especially if she’s wearing the costume from the final year of the show (I swear, the top got lower with each passing season)! :o Of course she’d be wearing that costume; it had been re-engineered so that nobody of merely human strength could remove the belt and short-circuit her powers. The fact that the top got lower too is a consequence of the obvious fact that her seamstress was one of her sister Amazons, who just as obviously were typically not heterosexual. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/16 "2014-09-29T19:30:22Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > In the fourth place, why would you have told the bad guys that May was coming in the first place? You should think about that, because she’s certainly going to ask you. Not talking to the bad guys. Talking to your dispatcher, lying my ass off to give May extra motivation to come hurt my captors while rescuing me. Of course, being me, I’ve got Red Reddington on the other line. He owes me several, too, and a backup plan is always a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/17 "2014-09-29T19:31:15Z")
Demi the Demoness. I get rescued, then I get lucky. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/18 "2014-09-29T19:51:54Z")
Buffy. I ain’t passing up an opportunity, no matter how slight, of meeting Giles. I will whine and badger that girl worse than Dawn on a Tuesday until she makes the introduction. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/19 "2014-09-29T19:55:45Z")
I was going to pick Buffy, but she doesn’t fight humans. So I’m sort of voting for Natasha Romanoff. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2014, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887/20 "2014-09-29T20:00:53Z")
[Electra Woman and Dyna Girl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp72vXSdP1Y), for your viewing pleasure. As for me…please send Wonder Woman. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/choose-one-of-these-tv-superheroines-to-rescue-you-from-the-chop-shop/699887.md?page=2)