On thinking about this some more, if I were in the OP’s shoes, with the best-available treatment being something that still doesn’t have very good prospects, I would ask around about experimental treatments. Not just because they’d offer some hope of a good outcome (though, of course, I wouldn’t turn away that hope), but because someone has to volunteer for those trials. I’ve lived in the service of science; why shouldn’t I die so, too? And this way, at least I’d be helping others who are or will be struggling with cancer.
I do wish people were better informed about trials. It’s another area where patients tend not to find out what’s going on unless their doctors are directly involved, although that’s another thing that has to be a difficult choice.
My mother’s in a trial now. She’s a scientist, and motivated in the manner Chronos described. She’s had her dosage scaled back because it was too hard on her (she’s in her 80s). But there are no placebos involved. These choices are very personal, but they are choices. She has no treatment options that are known to have good results. I don’t have her permission to discuss the details yet, but I think she would want to share her motivations. labdude, whatever your choice, you are entitled to be selfish in these circumstances if you want, it’s your life. I hope you things turn out as well as possible for you.
(emphasis added)
Likewise, Marley mentions that it’s illegal.
This is controversial, to say the least. Google “palliative sedation” and you’ll find umpteen articles on the subject, pro and con. I would assume the laws vary from state to state on this evolving subject. I am especially bothered at the arguments involving the “double cause” rationale, or the “existential considerations”, or whether the patient is “depressed” and other such philosophical talk, as they seem aimed primarily at narrowing down the patient’s “legitimate” reasons to be allowed to ask for euthanasia, or assisted suicide, or terminal sedation, or any kind of sedation, to the point where the patient is simply forced to rot in torment until dead. They debate abstract ethics while terminal patients seethe in agony and beg to die.
(I’m not sure if maybe this is a hijack away from the original OP. I have been thinking of starting a thread on this question, but I haven’t searched yet to find what threads are already around. I’ll bet this has been thrashed around before on this board. I did, however, just yesterday discover blinkie’s lengthy thread about locked-in syndrome, which dealt with related issues.)
Oops, sorry, thelabdude. I can see that my expressions may be hurtfully dysphemistic and tone-deaf, in light of your original OP. Ultimately, I hope you will be allowed to make whatever choice you choose to make, and be allowed to have it carried through.
Genuinely curious here:
What kind of cancer is it? If you can have a few good years WITHOUT treatment (if I’m reading this correctly), it sounds as though it’s a pretty survivable kind - in which case, why NOT try to beat it?
What will it take away? And will it take it away forever, or for a couple of years?
FWIW, I’m in the “go down swinging” camp. But I do see where sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. I had a lady at work go through chemo to beat cancer and the chemo trashed her heart 
Regardless – I’m sorry this is something you’re facing. Cancer fucking sucks
I’m so sorry that this is something you are facing.
My mom was about 65 when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was given a few months to live. She already had heart disease, so she did not want to do the chemo. She was tired.
She was convinced to try by another family member, so she had three treatments and then stopped. The doctors were very surprised when her cancer stopped growing. She died of heart failure a couple of years later.
I doubt any of that helps you. Just sharing how one person handled it. Again, I’m so sorry.
While I was out raking leaves today, I was kicking around what to put into a search engine to find a trial. An inlaw died of cancer a couple of years ago. No know cure for that type. He desperately searched for a trial, but didn’t qualify for any. That was horrible, he was 40 with 4 kids at home. I will be missed, but won’t leave as big of a hole.
I have been referred to one of the top surgeons in the field. ‘‘To the man with a hammer…’’
I am thinking it is like the diabetic who has his leg cut off to save his life. The doctor sees it a success.
What do you love more? Your leg or your life?
To decide that your life without your leg is not worth the pain is not necessarily an unreasonable choice. But you need to have a clear idea of what you are comparing when you consider your options.
Start with www.clinicaltrials.gov.
The doctors are almost always going to think they can do something to help at least a little bit. That’s a good thing. Since it’s your life, you get to set the priorities and direct their treatment based on what matters to you. That could mean making you comfortable, pulling out all the stops to extend your life as much as possible, or something in between.
If that’s what the patient wants and it works, it is a success. It’s not a situation anybody wants to be in so I wouldn’t call it cause for celebration, but if somebody loses a leg and gets years of extra life, that could very well be a success.
Well I have poked around and found one trial I am trying to get my doctor to refer me to.
I have long said ‘‘If you don’t want to do it, any excuse will do’’. In this case, I am looking for an excuse to do something and that taking part in a trial could help others is all I need. It really fits with me. I figure I am dead already. Why not take a chance on doing something useful in whatever time I have left? I have also said that nothing you learn enough to know what will work is a complete failure.
One more thought. I have been scanned and found free of tumors in my lymph nodes and other organs. But how do I know there aren’t some cancer cells scattered around where they will get me in a few years? My mother in law was treated for cancer 3 times. Yet it came back a fourth time and killed her.
Euthanasia is obviously illegal but palliative sedation can be done. I had a geriatrics rotation in med school that included a lot of hospice care. On of our patients had intractable pain from his terminal cancer. He had tried just about every possible combination of pain meds without adequate symptom relief and in the end asked to be just knocked out. He spent the last couple days of his life on a ketamine drip.
The end often isn’t pretty. Even if I elect life saving treatment, I could still eventually go through a ghastly death.
Right, that could happen regardless. So the important thing is what your life in between now and then looks like.
Do you have lymphoma?
This a great resource for patient and caregiver cancer support.
Its possible that they are, and you won’t know. But I don’t know either (I’ve never had a cancer diagnosis).
My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer at 38. She’s a nurse and had two young kids at home. She went after it aggressively - double mastectomy, radiation, chemo (a clinical trial that had good results). She is now “as cancer free as I am” - which either gives her comfort or makes me nervous - depending on your point of view. She has reconstructed and rather scarred breasts, but she has a really good chance of seeing two boys graduate from high school - and while she’ll never be her pre-chemo self (early menopause, less energy) she is pretty close to it now.
My brother in law was diagnosed with bladder cancer a little over a year ago. He made the minimal decisions - the shortest chemo regimen, the smallest amount of surgery For him, it was quality of life - having no bladder at 40 is a big deal - and aggressive surgery was going to mean an altered sex life. He’s back in chemo with stage IV and a 5% two year survival rate and fighting it.
I think my sister made good decision then to go after it aggressively early. And, at the same time, I don’t know that my brother in law is making a good decision now to fight it - although palliative chemo may be where its at for him (and to date he’s tolerating the chemo well and it does seem to be reducing pain).
It sounds like you are early enough that a an aggressive few rounds of chemo and surgery may mean you die 15 years from now of “old age.” Maybe not, but ask your oncologist about your odds (and oncologists are notoriously unforthcoming on these discussions), the side effects of treatment, etc. On the other hand, sometimes you are just ready…
While a serious and valuable topic, this really has not turned into a debate.
I think it will have a productive life in IMHO.
It is the sort of topic that demands attention, at the very least.
My neighbor had lymphona, went through 9 mos. of chemo, got better, now running his own business and doing great. This is not the case for everyone.
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when nearly 83 years old, opted for a mastectomy instead of chemo and radiation, is now 85+ and doing just fine. Everyone was pretty sure that the other treatments would have been much too hard on her because of her age.
I’ll echo those who say that it depends on the kind of cancer and depends on the treatments.
With some cancers, conventional treatment is futile. With others, treatment allows people to have a remission and decent quality of life for an extended period of time even if the cancer can’t be cured.
"Chemo" is not just one kind of treatment. There are a lot of different chemotherapy drugs and each one has different side effects. Not all of them are as hard to tolerate as others are.
Not everyone who has “chemo” becomes terribly sick from it.
I would suggest talking honestly with your doctor about your concerns about the side effects of treatment and ask what their advice would be taking into consideration that you are most concerned with quality of life.
thelabdude - My sister had surgery, chemo and radiation for breast cancer and found the chemo and rad no big deal. Fatigue on the day or two after chemo was administered was about it. Surgery was painful, but managable. My grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Because of her advanced age, the doctors basically wanted to set her up in hospice care and gave her 3 months. She fought to get chemo and radiation and lived 21 months, and had no real cancer pain until the week of her death. (She did, however, slip on the ice outside the doctor’s office and broke her hip. She recovered from the broken hip while undergoing chemo and still managed to enjoy the extra time it afforded). And honestly, she looked better with the wig than with her curly-perm-fried hair.
Don’t assume that cancer treatment is going to be horrifying. Many times these days they can minimize side effects and target treatment to the individual. My mother was one of 11. Of the 11, 6 had cancer, my mother twice. And only one died from cancer, a brother who was diagnosed with a brain tumor at the age of 4 in the late 1930’s.
StG