# Chris Kluwe's pitting of Emmett C. Burns, Jr. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 8, 2012, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090 "2012-09-08T14:09:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ashtayk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@ashtayk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ashtayk)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/1 "2012-09-08T14:09:16Z")
[Wow](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-kluwe/an-open-letter-to-emmett-burns_b_1866216.html?utm_hp_ref=sports&ir=Sports&utm_hp_ref=sports) - just wow This is just good allround pitting. Vikings punter responds to a Maryland state delegate. Side note: My first pit thread in 12 years! ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/2 "2012-09-08T14:26:11Z")
This pitting just fucking sucks. “Dur. Here are link. Someone sez something about someone else. Gosh!” If you can’t post some fucking content and opinion, don’t bother. We already have BrainGlutton for these kind of posts. If I was GFactor or Miller, I’d lock the thread and possibly send a goon-squad to the OP’s house and have his/her kneecaps shot out as a warning to others. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/3 "2012-09-08T14:42:03Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > goon-squad do you have stairs in your house ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/4 "2012-09-08T14:46:48Z")
I read Kluwe’s response last night. Other than being a little crude, it was really good. Some selected excerpts for those who don’t like to click links; “1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents in order to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to argue that the Ravens should silence Brendon Ayanbadejo from voicing his support for same-sex marriage, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, but you come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain.” “3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different from what you believe, or act differently from you? How does gay marriage affect your life in any way, shape, or form? Are you worried that if gay marriage became legal, all of a sudden you’d start thinking about penis? (“Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!”) Will all your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely. Gay people enjoy watching football, too.)” “P.S. I’ve also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage, so you can take your “I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing” and shove it in your closed-minded, totally-lacking-in-empathy pie hole.” ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/5 "2012-09-08T14:49:29Z")
Send Jay & Silent Bob, instead. They work for cheap. Emmett C. Burns, Jr. is a Maryland Democrat legislator. Chris Kluwe plays for the Vikings. A third party, Baltimore Ravens player Brendon Ayanbadejo is also involved. Ayanbadejo donated some tickets to a fundraiser for a ballot initiative supporting gay marriage. Burns, writing on official letterhead and identifying himself by his office wrote to the Ravens’ owner, Steve Biscotti (really) complaining that he and his constituents were offended by Ayenbadejo’s public support for a controversial subject and asking Biscotti to “inhibit” such public actions in the future. There’s a thread about it in GD: > **[Football players should express no opinion on same-sex marriage?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=664671)** > > At least, their opinions should not be made public, at least according to one legislator. A local NFL player offered tickets to one of their home games as a fundraiser for a Marriage Equality fundraiser…an act which prompted a local politician to... You can read the letter here (pdf) > **[Local Baltimore Breaking News and Live Alerts - WBAL-TV 11 Baltimore](https://www.wbaltv.com/local-news)** > > WBAL-TV 11 News is your source for the latest local headlines and live alerts. Visit Maryland's most reliable source for breaking news. Ravens are standing behind Ayanbadejo’s right to free speech: [http://www.baltimoresun.com/sports/ravens/ravens-insider/bal-ravens-brendon-ayanbadejo-responds-to-politician-looking-to-silence-him-on-gay-marriage-stance-20120907,0,4738424.story](http://www.baltimoresun.com/sports/ravens/ravens-insider/bal-ravens-brendon-ayanbadejo-responds-to-politician-looking-to-silence-him-on-gay-marriage-stance-20120907,0,4738424.story) Burns, for the record, is a shithead. Chris Kluwe, otoh, is a righteous motherfucker: > [@Chris Kluwe](#): > > I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population, rights like Social Security benefits, childcare tax credits, family and medical leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA health care for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gay Americans? Full-fledged citizens, just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you? ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/6 "2012-09-08T15:17:20Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > This pitting just fucking sucks. “Dur. Here are link. Someone sez something about someone else. Gosh!” If you can’t post some fucking content and opinion, don’t bother. We already have BrainGlutton for these kind of posts. > > If I was GFactor or Miller, I’d lock the thread and possibly send a goon-squad to the OP’s house and have his/her kneecaps shot out as a warning to others. OH FUCK@@@!!! NOT A LINK. Anything but clicking links… _shivers_ ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/7 "2012-09-08T15:58:06Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > OH FUCK@@@!!! NOT A LINK. > > Anything but clicking links… > > _shivers_ You have to understand…he keeps catching his fur in the link. It’s traumatic. ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/8 "2012-09-08T16:05:43Z")
Kluwe updated the letter and explains the colorful words from the original. > [@](#): > > Chris Kluwe ‏@ChrisWarcraft > > Curse this insomnia! Posted a clean version of the letter at my Pioneer Press blog site. > > [http://blogs.twincities.com/outofbounds/2012/09/08/out-of-bounds-blog-no-8-inquisitive-kitten-pawing-at-yarn/](http://blogs.twincities.com/outofbounds/2012/09/08/out-of-bounds-blog-no-8-inquisitive-kitten-pawing-at-yarn/) Sparklepony! ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/9 "2012-09-08T16:17:54Z")
Unfortunately phallic hedge sculpture. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/10 "2012-09-08T16:37:24Z")
**DANCING CHUBTOAD? “ALACK AND ALAS MY TOP HAT HAS FALLEN**. BTW, if I change my user name again, it will be to ‘Fromunda Stain’ ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/11 "2012-09-08T17:33:01Z")
The hell is a “fromunda”? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/12 "2012-09-08T17:38:36Z")
> [@Astroboy14](#): > > The hell is a “fromunda”? It’s something you have to go to Urban Dictionary to look up. That should serve as sufficient warning to decide whether or not you want to. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/13 "2012-09-08T17:41:55Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > It’s something you have to go to Urban Dictionary to look up. That should serve as sufficient warning to decide whether or not you want to. Perhaps I shall wait until after I leave work then… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/14 "2012-09-08T17:45:42Z")
I am a BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE SPARKLEPONY. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/15 "2012-09-08T17:55:04Z")
> [@Astroboy14](#): > > The hell is a “fromunda”? I had to look it up. Taint smegma. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/16 "2012-09-08T18:02:06Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > I had to look it up. Taint smegma. Well, then what IS it? ---
**Author:** ![Batfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Batfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batfish)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/17 "2012-09-08T18:20:17Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > Well, then what IS it? First of all it’s “fomunda” not “fromunda”. (It’s okay Chris, I understand you’re a punter and apparently too erudite and educated to pull off “fomunda”.) As in, fomunda cheese, that cheese “fomunda my dick”. Not my dick you understand, my dick is clean and minty fresh, but the hypothetical dick of a juvenile insult. And yes, my usage predates Chris’s and is therefore authoritative, since I first heard it several decades before he was born. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/18 "2012-09-08T18:24:08Z")
I am officially in love with Chris Kluwe. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/19 "2012-09-08T22:00:45Z")
> [@Batfish](#): > > First of all it’s “fomunda” not “fromunda”. (It’s okay Chris, I understand you’re a punter and apparently too erudite and educated to pull off “fomunda”.) > > As in, fomunda cheese, that cheese “fomunda my dick”. Not my dick you understand, my dick is clean and minty fresh, but the hypothetical dick of a juvenile insult. > > And yes, my usage predates Chris’s and is therefore authoritative, since I first heard it several decades before he was born. Its taint smegmata/cheese, which is located under your balls, not your dick. Your balls are (presumably, mssrs Armstrong and Kruk excluded) under your dick. There’s a scraping tool available online that allows one so inclined to collect it and spread it onto their morning toast. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2012, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090/20 "2012-09-08T22:04:09Z")
HA! That is awesome! I use the same argument Chris does. I’m straight, and SSM does not effect me in any way. So sick of politicians who think their personal opinion on lifestyle is part of their job. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chris-kluwes-pitting-of-emmett-c-burns-jr/634090.md?page=2)