# Christmas Mini Rants. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 20, 2008, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109 "2008-12-20T20:14:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/41 "2008-12-22T20:22:50Z")
For the umpteenth year in a row, my step-mom has failed to plan her time appropriately to allow her and my father to be on time to our Christmas dinner. (We do Christmas with them early, as she has a HUGE family and I don’t wish to be part of a mob scene on Christmas morning, plus we have a command performance with my in-laws on Christmas day.) I don’t know if this is genuine lack of planning, or passive-aggressive behavior, though she is always perfectly pleasant and jovial once they arrive. Whatever. I love them all anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/42 "2008-12-22T20:35:54Z")
> [@Annie](#): > > Unable to attend parties where I know the food will be awesome because the roads suck. I know what you meant, all right, but I saw this and thought, _if the food will be awesome because the roads suck, I guess they’re serving roadkill. You know what? I think I’m going to be unable to attend that party too._ And just as a foodie two-fer: [QUOTE=kambuckta] … when you’re already sweating a treat. [/quote] this made me immediately think of that immortal “yo’ mama” joke, **“Yo’ mama is so fat that she sweats gravy.”** ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/43 "2008-12-22T20:37:27Z")
I am going to my SIL’s for Christmas. She and BIL are no longer sleeping in same room. We are going to support her. It will suck. She will be bitchy (due to a shitty situation). BIL will act magnaminous (though he is a tightwad prick). I will pretend to ignore my knowledge of how much of an ass he is. My neice will be spoiled, and my nephew an over-competitive bastard. My older son will have to carry the weight of the oldest kid. I will try to include him in my kitchen activities to keep him sheltered. My younger son will be pointed at as a poorly behaved youth. My FIL will be his usual racist self. My wife will get tired, cranky, and wiped out. I will do the majority of the cooking to ensure a decent meal. For this I will drive hours upon hours (OK - around 6 each way). I will at least get some decent loot and I will do my best to drink massive amounts of BIL’s wine cellar and whisk(e)ys to keep sane. If you hear of large cooking fire and explosion in AZ, it will probably be me adding some special ingredients to the Yorkshire pudding. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/44 "2008-12-22T20:45:23Z")
People bugging me for christmas wish lists when I stopped giving them lists because they went three years without buying me a single thing on my list. ---
**Author:** ![Alienhand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8edcca/32.png) [@Alienhand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alienhand)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/45 "2008-12-22T20:53:06Z")
Largely relegated to crazy old people, but people in public that serial complain about trivial tripe to anybody who accidentally makes eye contact or comes ‘within range’ with the added touch of saying “oh, happy holidays to you” or “that’s the holiday spirit” when you walk away or ignore them. Some even throw in a “these days” just to take it all the way over the top. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/46 "2008-12-22T20:55:57Z")
The people in my neighborhood who put more lights on the outside of their house than I have on the inside of mine. I wonder if our local electric company has a contest “Free Electric Service all year for the person who gets the highest December bill.” Freaking waste of electricity. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/47 "2008-12-22T20:56:31Z")
My grandmother’s in from out of town and wants to make Xmas dinner. Very nice of her. We went to the store, and she bought, among other things, 8 lbs of butter, 4 lbs of cream cheese, a carton of 18 eggs, Crisco. For four people. I won’t be surprised if someone has a heart attack at the table. ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/48 "2008-12-22T21:00:14Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > The people in my neighborhood who put more lights on the outside of their house than I have on the inside of mine. I wonder if our local electric company has a contest “Free Electric Service all year for the person who gets the highest December bill.” > > Freaking waste of electricity. We have one of these in our neighborhood. There must be about a 1000 lights on and around this person’s house, including the chimney, the roof, the garage, and the front lawn. I wonder what the personality disorder is at work here. Narcissism? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/49 "2008-12-22T21:12:28Z")
We have about two dozen in my neighborhood, including one house with seven foot hedges covering the entire front of their very large lot, and a set back for the house of about 50 feet. Nobody can even see the lights without going on the property. ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/50 "2008-12-22T22:05:27Z")
Dear boyfriend’s father, Just because you’re 80 years old doesn’t give you license to disavow every single rule of holiday gathering etiquette in the name of not giving a shit anymore: 1. For the love of all that’s holy, when I give you YOUR OWN bowl of snacks, that’s because none of us (and I mean _none_ of us) want you dropping food out of your mouth, mid-sentence, back into the community snack bowl, which you seem to think is there specifically for that purpose. Which brings us to… 2. Please don’t eat and talk at the same time. It’s really easy: chew, swallow, and _then_ talk. Half of your food ends up all over the face and shirt of the person who is trying to get the hell away from you. 3. PLEASE don’t start a family fight again this year. You seem to think that these functions, which conveniently have the highest body count, are your ideal platform to stir up shit, and you wonder why people don’t want you around. ---
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/51 "2008-12-22T22:05:49Z")
Look, lilbro - I’m all about getting together and socializing. I _want_ to socialize with you, I really do. But hey, do me a favor, willya? When DogDad and I tell you, **as we have every year for the last five years** that we can EITHER chat OR watch TV, but we cannot do both, please _do not_ continue to chat during the damn TV show or movie that _you insisted on watching_, and then get hissy at us when we tell you to either turn off the TV or STFU. kay? Please. It’s a very simple formula. I’ll even make it easy and give you only one choice this year. _ **TURN. OFF. THE. DAMN. TV.** _ There. Now we can chat. Wasn’t that easy? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/52 "2008-12-22T22:09:04Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > I would also like to Pit my family and our Secret Santa bullshit that I would like to opt out of but they keep reeling me back in out of familial obligation. I have two sisters who are really busy around the Christmas season, so they have decreed for everyone that we will pick names and buy a $75 gift for the person whose name you pick. It has made my Christmas shopping joyless and perfunctory. I HAVE time; I WANT to take the time to shop for my family and get them small tokens that I think they will like (since we are all in 40’s, I’d like to switch to consumable gifts only, like wine or chocolates or charity donations), but my gift-giving is not up to me, and I am resenting that more by the year. I think I’m going to screw with them next year, and do the official Secret Santa affection-free gift certificate, and then make home-made gifts for everyone in addition. Heh heh heh. That’ll show 'em. 😃 My husband’s family did it that way for a short time. He told them to go FUCK themselves and he (and I) will buy for whoever he wanted to buy for. That was it. We went back to non-perfunctory christmas and it’s awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/53 "2008-12-22T23:14:51Z")
> [@Omega\_Glory](#): > > My grandmother’s in from out of town and wants to make Xmas dinner. Very nice of her. We went to the store, and she bought, among other things, 8 lbs of butter, 4 lbs of cream cheese, a carton of 18 eggs, Crisco. For four people. I won’t be surprised if someone has a heart attack at the table. For some reason this is really making me giggle. What is she planning on making, a butter and cream cheese model of a turkey? **Kalhoun** , I’m desperately trying to figure out if we can still have family harmony if I opt out of something I’m truly not enjoying. Jim doesn’t think so; I am getting more willing to find out every year. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/54 "2008-12-22T23:41:32Z")
> [@Omega\_Glory](#): > > My grandmother’s in from out of town and wants to make Xmas dinner. Very nice of her. We went to the store, and she bought, among other things, 8 lbs of butter, 4 lbs of cream cheese, a carton of 18 eggs, Crisco. For four people. I won’t be surprised if someone has a heart attack at the table. I want to come to Christmas dinner at your house. Mmmmm, butter… ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2008, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/55 "2008-12-22T23:46:54Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > My husband’s family did it that way for a short time. He told them to go FUCK themselves and he (and I) will buy for whoever he wanted to buy for. That was it. We went back to non-perfunctory christmas and it’s awesome. We did the pull-someone’s-name-out-of-a-hat and I actually like it. We’re all on a tight budget, we’ve gotten gifts for the kids, and drawing names for the adults means we all get a little something without breaking the bank. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/56 "2008-12-23T00:02:49Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > We did the pull-someone’s-name-out-of-a-hat and I actually like it. We’re all on a tight budget, we’ve gotten gifts for the kids, and drawing names for the adults means we all get a little something without breaking the bank. I think that was the original idea behind Mr. K’s family (though most of them are millionaires, so it never made much sense to us). The problem was that my husband didn’t want to potentially draw a name of someone he’s not particularly fond of, and then also have to refrain from buying for someone he truly wants to give to. So, at the risk of pissing off everyone, he just said he wouldn’t participate in the draw and would buy for who he wanted to, and everyone just sort of followed suit. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/57 "2008-12-23T00:33:14Z")
Dear Brother: I know you have severe mental problems, and allowances have to be made, but if there is “a game” on TV on Christmas Day, could you please take yourself down to your getaway in mom’s basement and watch it there? Dear Cable TV Provider: You have been broadcasting Christmas music on the TV program guide since Thanksgiving. Can you tell me why, this week leading up to Christmas, you have decided to play The Oldies instead? Granted, I suppose we could put on the radio or play a CD or something, but … why The Oldies? Now? ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/58 "2008-12-23T02:02:40Z")
> [@Mince](#): > > You can walk on the escalator, you know? _applauds_ Or at least learn how to get off the damn thing without potentially taking us all down. Those stairs turn FLAT at the top, you morons. I just got all of my shopping done today–finally–and FUCK those people who clog up entire rows of the parking lot with their blinker on, waiting for some other fuckwit to leave their parking space. I JUST WANT TO DRIVE THE OHMIGOD FIFTY FEET FURTHER AWAY WHERE THERE IS AVAILABLE PARKING AT THIS VERY MOMENT. BUT I CAN’T GET TO IT WHILE YOU’RE PARKED HERE WITH YOUR STUPID FUCKING BLINKER ON FOR FIVE MOTHERFUCKING MINUTES. GOD FORBID YOU BURN A FUCKING CALORIE INSTEAD OF TEN GALLONS OF GAS. _ahem_ In an anti-rant, just to spread the obvious holiday cheer I’m feeling, I will say that all the store staff I encountered today were remarkably helpful and pleasant, in spite of all the rampant fuckwittery they were dealing with. Good job by them. I certainly wouldn’t be in as good a mood. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/59 "2008-12-23T02:22:40Z")
Lexus, maybe you shouldn’t run your traditional “omg! A car with a huge red bow!” commercials this year. Usually, they’re barely tolerable, but this year, it’s rubbing salt in a very big and unfortunately very common wound. Cadillac, maybe it’s not such a good idea to run your commercials either. Particularly the one with the guy complaining about getting a sweater vest when his kids are getting awesome, memorable presents. This fellow needs to realize it’s not about him. No one ever promised equally-distributed holiday joy. Moreover, he needs to realize going out and blowing fifty grand on a car for himself is not an appropriate response. Jerk. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2008, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109/60 "2008-12-23T02:44:21Z")
Is it too much to ask TV stations not to run Christmas carols at every available opportunity? I was watching the Weather Channel to see how cold it was today and got Muzak-y renditions of the same damn carols I’ve been hearing for the past six weeks. I’m also not looking forward to Christmas dinner with the in-laws. There’s been more than the usual tension and drama and I don’t want to bring that home with the presents. Robin [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-mini-rants/478109.md?page=4)