Christmas songs that have nothing to do with Christmas

[Dung_Beetle]

@kaylasdad99

I rewrote the final verse last year. We’ll take it from where the kid offers to do his Gene Krupa impression:

*…Shall I play for you, pah-rumpa-pum-pum
on my drum?

Mary nodded, pah-rumpa-pum-pum
It was a secret sign, pah-rumpa-pum-pum
Then Joseph grabbed my arm pah-rumpa-pum-pum
He dragged me from the barn, pah-rumpa-pum-pum
rumpa-pum-pum, rumpa-pum-pum
Then he smiled at me, pah-rumpa-pum-pum
And fed me my drum.*

Me and my son laughed at this last night until we cried. Thanks.

[kenobi_65]

Two songs which get played very frequently on radio stations which go to “all-Christmas music” formats at this time of year, and which mention Christmas, but have no actual connection to the season:

Last Christmas, by Wham! The song is about a lover who broke the singer’s heart; the only connection to the holiday is that she broke his heart on the prior Christmas.

Same Old Lang Syne, by Dan Fogelberg. It’s about a chance reunion with an old girlfriend, which just so happens to occur on Christmas Eve. The only reason that the holiday is even relevant is that, because it’s Christmas Eve, they can’t find an open bar, and so, they buy a six-pack of beer and drink it in the car.

[Clothahump]

The two biggest abortions in musical history: Jingle Bell Rock, and Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree.

I want to find whoever wrote those miserable pieces of shit and flat-out kill him. And if he’s already dead, I want to dig him up and kill him again. And I hear that shit played all the damn time.

[gigi]

@Finagle

Well, there’s always Joni Mitchell’s “I wish I had a river” which, although it mentions Christmas, is about as much about the holidays as “Born in the USA” is about patriotism.

I put Pretenders’ “2000 Miles” in this category too.

Originally Posted by kaylasdad99

Then Joseph grabbed my arm pah-rumpa-pum-pum
He dragged me from the barn, pah-rumpa-pum-pum
rumpa-pum-pum, rumpa-pum-pum
Then he smiled at me, pah-rumpa-pum-pum
And fed me my drum.

How about one of my mom’s favorites:

We Three Kings of Orient are
smoking on a rubber cigar
It was loaded it exploded
BOOM!

We Two Kings of Orient are
smoking on a rubber cigar
It was loaded it exploded
BOOM!

I One King of Orient are
smoking on a rubber cigar
It was loaded it exploded
BOOM!

Silent Night…

[Guinastasia]

My favorite version of Sleigh Ride is from the Boston Pops.

@Zebra

Marshmallow World

March of the Wooden Soldiers

I believe the latter is from Babes in Toyland, which is a Christmas production.

How about “Count Your Blessings”? I think the only reason it’s included is because it’s from White Christmas, really. (I once taped an instrumental version off the radio that I loved when I was a teenager, but as it was on cassette, I’ve never been able to find it again. :()

[DrDeth]

‘Winter Time’ by Steve Miller Band
‘Wintertime Love’ by The Doors
‘Hazy Shade of Winter’ by Simon & Garfunkel
California Dreaming By Mamas & Poppas

[jsc1953]

@DrDeth

‘Winter Time’ by Steve Miller Band
‘Wintertime Love’ by The Doors
‘Hazy Shade of Winter’ by Simon & Garfunkel
California Dreaming By Mamas & Poppas

Have you ever heard any of these in a Christmas context? Played on an all-holiday station, on muzak in a store, or on somebody’s Christmas album?

I didn’t think so.

[Gangster_Octopus]

“Do You Hear What I Hear?” is about the birth of Jesus, but it makes no specific mention of him.

…and it is also about the Cuban Missile Crisis.

[Chronos]

“Do You Hear What I Hear?” is about the birth of Jesus, but it makes no specific mention of him.

Well, “A child, a child, shivering in the cold / Let us bring him silver and gold” seems like a mention to me, albeit not by name (though, then again, many songs about Jesus don’t name him).

More problematic is that it doesn’t make any sense as a song about Jesus. If it did, then it’d end with

Said the king to the people everywhere:
Listen to what I say!
Let us slaughter all the children under three years old
So they can’t challenge my kingship

Or something, I can’t think of a way to make it rhyme.

[The_Other_Waldo_Pepper]

@Chronos

Well, “A child, a child, shivering in the cold / Let us bring him silver and gold” seems like a mention to me, albeit not by name

Frankincense and gold, sure. Myrrh and gold, even. But silver and gold?

[Hazle_Weatherfield]

@tanstaafl

It’s the “Bright paper packages tied up with string” line that somehow qualifies it. Plus I think The Sound of Music got aired a lot around Christmas for a while and that one song somehow stuck.

I think it’s “brown paper packages.” Not so christmasy.

[DrDeth]

@jsc1953

Have you ever heard any of these in a Christmas context? Played on an all-holiday station, on muzak in a store, or on somebody’s Christmas album?

I didn’t think so.

Quite a bit more than:
Deck us all with Boston Charlie
two of the songs bienville mentioned.

but I did hear *Walkin 'round in Women’s Underwear *once…

[Sam_A.Robrin]

@jsc1953

Have you ever heard any of these in a Christmas context? Played on an all-holiday station, on muzak in a store, or on somebody’s Christmas album?

I didn’t think so.

It is true, though, that a lot of winter songs–if not these four–get played around Christmastime and are taken out of rotation on December 26, even though they’d have nearly three good months in season, simply because everyone has had their fill of Christmas and everything associated with it.

[Reepicheep]

@Chronos

Well, “A child, a child, shivering in the cold / Let us bring him silver and gold” seems like a mention to me, albeit not by name (though, then again, many songs about Jesus don’t name him).

More problematic is that it doesn’t make any sense as a song about Jesus. If it did, then it’d end with

Said the king to the people everywhere:
Listen to what I say!
Let us slaughter all the children under three years old
So they can’t challenge my kingship

Or something, I can’t think of a way to make it rhyme.

Said the king to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say (listen to what I say)
Let us kill, o kill the boys under three
So they can’t challenge me (so they can’t challenge me)

[amanset]

I maintain that “I wanna be your dog” is a Christmas song as it has sleigh bells in it.

[Nava]

@bienville

There is a subtle Christmas reference in the line “Even Grandma would appreciate though we lack the seven fish she ate . . .” pointing to the old traditional Christmas Eve dinner of the seven fishes.*

May I ask where is that tradition from, please?

[jsc1953]

@Nava

May I ask where is that tradition from, please?

Italian, I believe. My wife (of Neapolitan descent) brought a multi-fish Christmas Eve dinner into our Christmas tradition. We just trimmed it down to linguini w/ clam sauce and shrimp scampi.

[kenobi_65]

@Chronos

Well, “A child, a child, shivering in the cold / Let us bring him silver and gold” seems like a mention to me, albeit not by name (though, then again, many songs about Jesus don’t name him).

That line always makes me crazy, anyway.

The baby is cold, and you idjits bring him cold metal as a gift?!? How about a frickin’ blanket!!!

[bienville]

@Nava

May I ask where is that tradition from, please?

@jsc1953

Italian, I believe. My wife (of Neapolitan descent) brought a multi-fish Christmas Eve dinner into our Christmas tradition. We just trimmed it down to linguini w/ clam sauce and shrimp scampi.

. . . and here is the Wiki page: Feast of the Seven Fishes

There’s just not a lot that rhymes with “appreciate”. I didn’t have much choice in the matter.

[Bilbo1967]

Here in the UK, Jona Lewie’s ‘Stop the Cavalry’ is definitely a Christmas song. Bar one line that says, “Wish I was at home for Christmas”, I just can’t understand why.