# Christmas songs with parts that irritate me **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 11, 2017, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212 "2017-12-11T17:07:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/141 "2017-12-17T02:59:48Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > I hate The First Noel. I always want to sing “So Where In The Hel-ell Is Ih-is-RYE-ell”? It’s Is-REE-ell dammit. When speaking, people say Is’ ray el’ or Is’ ree ul’, but when you sing you should use a different pronunciation. I think the best way would be to sing Is’ rah yel’, but people are very lazy when it comes to diction and singing. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/142 "2017-12-17T12:18:23Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > … Why couldn’t you have been more like the Little Lord Jesus? He was the Son of God, you know. It must have been nice to have the Son of God for a baby. Of course, I wouldn’t know. I had YOU!\* > > Goddamned Little Lord Jesus. Who asked HIM to show up? As a kid, I heard and mentally transcribed the phrase as “the Little _Law_ Jesus” – because he’d grow to adulthood, and initiate a set-up of him commanding people not to do a lot of things that they wanted to, and to do many things which they didn’t want to. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/143 "2017-12-17T12:30:20Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Ah, that takes me back. In the early eighties when my oldest was in kindergarten, he came home all excited about the Christmas Show they were going to be part of. Part of what he shared was “and my teacher told us what ‘round yon virgin’ means!” I put on a prepared-to-be-understanding smile, but he continued: “it means over there by that woman.” So I could agree that, yes, it means exactly that. Brings to mind the British author who, around the 1940s / 50s, wrote under the pseudonym “BB”, rather delightful fiction – largely for children, big on countryside-and-natural-world content. One of his tales concerns Wizard Homm of Boland Forest, and a bold and cheeky girl aged ten or so, who – unwisely – habitually mocks him and makes a nuisance of herself to him. Homm sets about trying to turn her into some kind of unsavoury, but less bothersome, life-form, but fails in this ploy: the author quotes his spell for same, as beginning with “To transform a virgin…” – adding very simply, in parenthesis, “a virgin means a young girl”. In times 60 / 70 years ago, when society in general was publically less sex-obsessed than nowadays, I’m sure that the great majority of his young readers would have taken that on board as it stood, and moved on. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/144 "2017-12-17T12:51:01Z")
> [@TRC4941](#): > > I just heard Back Door Santa by Clarence Carter…the whole song sounds inappropriate! Bon Jovi covered this song on the very first release of _A Very Special Christmas_. Later releases of that album had a different Bon Jovi track, _I Wish Every Day Was Christmas_. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/145 "2017-12-17T13:04:31Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’m not sure which version of “What Child is This” is the original, but I agree with you that the “nails, spears” version is superior, even though that’s not the version I heard growing up. It’s good to have some reminders in there of what this kid is going to grow up to be and do. For similar reasons, I’m upset when people usually cut out the myrrh verse of “We Three Kings”. > > Speaking of which, I like everything about “We Three Kings” except for that one word: The magi were not kings. Call them sages, seers, astrologers, astronomers, scholars, wizards, wise men, whatever, but not kings. The version of _We Three Kings_ that I heard in elementary school went something like this: \*We three kings of Orient are Come to light a rubber cigar. It was loaded, it exploded, Knocked us to yonder star. Oh - oh! Star of wonder, star of night, Would you happen to have a light? Westward leading, still we’re blee-ee-ding Guide us to the hospital.\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/146 "2017-12-17T16:17:10Z")
We sang it like this: \*We three kings of Orient are, Tried to smoke a rubber cigar. It was loaded and exploded, That was the end of one king. We two kings of Orient are, Tried to smoke a rubber cigar, It was loaded and exploded, That was the end of two kings. I, one king of Orient are, Tried to smoke a rubber cigar, It was loaded and exploded, That was the end of all three kings.\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/147 "2017-12-17T21:51:14Z")
And I did THIS to “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”: _Her teeth are so rotten They bend like a piece of cotton Her hair is like mop strings Her eyes are fried eggs!_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2017, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/148 "2017-12-17T22:16:58Z")
_We three kings of orient are, One in a taxi, one in a car, One on a scooter beeping his hoo-ooter following yonder star_ And don’t get me started on shepherds washing socks by night. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/149 "2017-12-18T00:59:11Z")
> [@K364](#): > > Hilarious rant against Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” > > [https://www.golfdigest.com/story/wonderful-christmastime-is-the-worst-christmas-songand-quite-possibly-the-worst-songever](https://www.golfdigest.com/story/wonderful-christmastime-is-the-worst-christmas-songand-quite-possibly-the-worst-songever) Thank you for posting that. Satisfying read. Also: I’ve discovered that instead of “Simply having a wonderful Christmastime,” singing “Simply hating this stupid annoying song” also fits the rhythm of the song. It’s been mentioned in this thread that the lyrics to “Sleigh Ride” are stupid. I agree. Though I don’t mind it in its original instrumental version with no stupid lyrics. The Christmas Waltz is a song I don’t like, especially the line “This song of mine, in three-quarter time.” It doesn’t rhyme properly. And I don’t like the rest of the song - just seems lackluster. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/150 "2017-12-18T18:03:18Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > _We three **KINGS** of **ORIENT** are, > One in a taxi, one in a car, > One on a scooter beeping his hoo-ooter > following **YONDER** **STAR** _ Or in Britain some fifty years ago; the same wording, except for substituting for the bolded-and-capitalised words: Beatles / Liverpool / Ringo / Starr, respectively. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/151 "2017-12-18T18:33:20Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > We sang it like this: > _We three kings of Orient are, > Tried to smoke a rubber cigar. > It was loaded and exploded, > That was the end of one king._ I think you’ll love [Spinal Tap’s version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImiY3B8LizE). ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/152 "2017-12-18T20:06:50Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > We sang it like this: My Mom sung it as: "We three kings of Orient are, Smoking on a rubber cigar. It was loaded and exploded, POOM! We two kings of Orient are, Smoking on a rubber cigar. It was loaded and exploded, POOM! I, one king of Orient are, Smoking on a rubber cigar. It was loaded and exploded, POOM! Silent Night…" ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/153 "2017-12-18T21:32:32Z")
> [@Sangahyando](#): > > Or in Britain some fifty years ago; the same wording, except for substituting for the bolded-and-capitalised words: Beatles / Liverpool / Ringo / Starr, respectively. Well mine was from England 30 years ago, so it appears the Beatles have lost popularity faster than silly carol variants 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/154 "2017-12-18T21:56:49Z")
> [@HeyHomie](#): > > There’s a line in The Carpenters’ “[Sleigh Ride](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXuVQEjhABM)” that hits on many conflicting emotions at once. I’m not sure if I love it, hate it, or simply love to hate it. It’s not the words to the line, it’s the way the vocalist performs it. > > At 1:33, the guy sings “There’s a Christmas party at the home of Farmer Gray…” > > Something about the way he sings “Farmer” that just sticks with me, as if the director told him to over-perform it as much as possible. It must have required 50 or 60 takes before he got it just right. > > I would love to know that guy’s name, so I can look him up and buy him a beer. I’m sure he is (or was - he’d be pushing 80 if he were still alive) one of hundreds of anonymous background musicians working in the industry, and he probably got paid scale for his work on that song - likely fifty bucks or so. But damn, the way he delivers that line… That’s not even the original lyric. The original line is “There’s a birthday party at the home of Farmer Grey.” Sleigh Ride is just a winter song. Not only is Christmas never mentioned in the lyrics, everyone knows birthdays get ignored at Christmas time. That’s right, it explicitly is NOT a Christmas song. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/155 "2017-12-18T22:32:33Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > everyone knows birthdays get ignored at Christmas time. Except one. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/156 "2017-12-18T22:59:08Z")
^ And man, is he pissed his birthday falls on Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/157 "2017-12-18T23:19:45Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > I think you’ll love [Spinal Tap’s version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImiY3B8LizE). That sounded like an outtake. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2017, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/158 "2017-12-18T23:21:46Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > Except one. 😃 Cf. Nellie Fox of the White Sox. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/159 "2017-12-19T00:29:56Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > everyone knows birthdays get ignored at Christmas time. [Spike Jones explores the concept.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLrPldFP9zo) ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2017, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212/160 "2017-12-19T01:57:20Z")
> [@MovieMogul](#): > > I despise “The First Noel” because it’s such a pain to sing, since virtually every other syllable covers multiple notes. Having one word (especially a mono-syllabic one) cover a note change occasionally is standard, but in that song, it’s incessant. That’s never bothered me. What bothers me about “The First Noel” is how utterly boring the lyrics for verses after the first are: They looked up and saw a star Shining in the east beyond them far, And to the earth it gave great light, And so it continued both day and night. It’s what you’d get if you gave a moderately clever junior high school student the assignment of telling the xmas story in rhyme. Star/far Light/night. And it just goes on and on, verse after verse. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/christmas-songs-with-parts-that-irritate-me/804212.md?page=9)