# Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978 "2006-01-28T13:35:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/1 "2006-01-28T13:35:06Z")
[http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty](http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty) Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/2 "2006-01-28T13:46:04Z")
[The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny](http://home.comcast.net/~wepon1984/ultimateshowdown.swf) He’s good, but he’s not THAT good. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/3 "2006-01-28T13:53:50Z")
The reason that it’s in cartoon form is that it could never happen. It’s just anti-Chuck propoganda. ---
**Author:** ![SenorBeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senorbeef/32/2220_2.png) [@SenorBeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SenorBeef)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/4 "2006-01-28T13:56:49Z")
Is that Tobias Funke as a blue man? as a superhero, or villain? ---
**Author:** ![DarkPrince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@DarkPrince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkPrince)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/5 "2006-01-28T14:07:48Z")
> [@The Chuck Norris Bible](#): > > “Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.” 😃 > [@SenorBeef](#): > > Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. This has gotta be the funniest thing I’ve read all month. ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/6 "2006-01-28T15:21:13Z")
Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried. Chuck Norris is where babies come from. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Universe and everything in it into existence. None of this six days and then resting shit. The world will end when Mr. T pities a foo at the exact same time Chuck Norris is roundhouse kicking him in the face. I could go on for hours. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Burrido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/7 "2006-01-28T15:54:58Z")
My two personal favorites: When Chuck Norris jumps into water he doesn’t get wet. Instead water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once sold his soul to the devil for unmatched martial arts skills. He then roundhouse kicked the devil in the head. The devil laughed at the irony. They now play poker every thursday. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/8 "2006-01-28T15:59:27Z")
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/9 "2006-01-28T16:14:44Z")
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/10 "2006-01-28T16:22:25Z")
The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/11 "2006-01-28T17:12:06Z")
OK, this one made me laugh: Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2006, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/12 "2006-01-28T17:22:29Z")
My favorite: They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Slant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mr.Slant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Slant)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/13 "2006-01-29T04:26:19Z")
Okay guys. Hope this isn’t GD. Who wins? Chucks Norris vs [Bill Brasky](http://www.joshburch.com/brasky.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Coin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Coin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coin)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/14 "2006-01-29T05:43:19Z")
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Made me smile. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/15 "2006-01-29T06:06:07Z")
In 1969, Neil Armstrong had a pause in his “One Small Step for Mankind” statment. It’s because Chuck Norris was already there, and slapped him when he came down the ladder. At the Trinity Site in New Mexico, we didn’t drop an atomic bomb. We dropped Chuck Norris. Tripler My fav: "Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet. " ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/16 "2006-01-29T09:10:54Z")
Chuck Norris doesn’t get sick. Sick gets Chuck Norrissed. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/17 "2006-01-29T09:43:18Z")
> [@Mr. Slant](#): > > Okay guys. > Hope this isn’t GD. > Who wins? > Chucks Norris vs [Bill Brasky](http://www.joshburch.com/brasky.htm). What about Chuck Norris vs. [Jack Bauer](http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php?topthirty)? ---
**Author:** ![vinniepaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@vinniepaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vinniepaz)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/18 "2006-01-29T18:43:13Z")
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris built Rome in one day. ---
**Author:** ![bubastis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d07c76/32.png) [@bubastis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bubastis)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/19 "2006-01-30T00:09:32Z")
Here’s a homegrown one: Chuck Norris was not born, he was quarried. ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/20 "2006-01-30T00:21:43Z")
My two favourites: Time waits for no man, unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not go “hunting” as the word “hunting” implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978.md?page=2)