# Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978 "2006-01-28T13:35:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/21 "2006-01-30T02:46:44Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. > > 😃 [Oh really?](http://www.orlyowl.com/orly3.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/22 "2006-01-30T03:05:44Z")
Oh, my, oh my. This stuff is so funny, I laughed myself into hiccups. Darn you!!! > [@Mr. Slant](#): > > Okay guys. > Hope this isn’t GD. > Who wins? > Chucks Norris vs [Bill Brasky](http://www.joshburch.com/brasky.htm). If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about whether a mod’ll move this thread. I’d worry about a tear in the space-time continuum!!! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/23 "2006-01-30T11:22:46Z")
Last Saturday night, we were coming home from a night out and started throwing around Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris jokes. After my friend and I had gone through the list that’s been circling around, we started coming up with our own jokes. The one that made me crack up the most was: Chuck Norris knows whether Schrödinger’s cat is alive or dead before the box is opened. This is because he roundhouse kicked the cat to death while it was still in the box. Then he ate the radioactive material. Of course, alcohol may have had something to do with it, but it was still pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/24 "2006-01-30T16:10:13Z")
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/25 "2006-01-30T19:44:53Z")
Chuck Norris is the only one who knows who Cecil really is, and has roundhoused to death all other witnesses. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/26 "2006-01-30T20:15:11Z")
If at first you dont’ succeed - Well shit, you ain’t Chuck Norris. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/27 "2006-01-30T20:24:21Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > Chuck Norris is the only one who knows who Cecil really is, and has roundhoused to death all other witnesses. So, you’re saying Chuck Norris is really Ed Zotti? :eek: Actually, that makes sense. I mean, have you ever seen the two of them together in the same place at the same time? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/28 "2006-01-30T20:57:48Z")
When Chuck Norris donates blood he forgoes the syringe. He instead asks for a handgun and a bucket. ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/29 "2006-01-30T22:00:29Z")
Chuck Norris fought the law. The law did not win. ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/30 "2006-01-30T22:17:33Z")
Chuck Norris once roundhoused a guy so hard his glasses came out his ass. In one piece. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/31 "2006-01-30T23:34:48Z")
Chuck Norris once told God to show him something impressive so God parted the Red Sea. Chuck Norris casually round-house kicked God in the nuts so hard that he dropped the Red Sea and changed history. ---
**Author:** ![beergeek279](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@beergeek279](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beergeek279)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/32 "2006-01-31T00:45:07Z")
[Chuck Norris Responds to Random Facts](http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1) Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/33 "2006-01-31T00:52:23Z")
Chuck Norris has deadly telekenetic powrfdfrtdr3b ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/34 "2006-01-31T00:55:04Z")
“Sorry. Put it on my tab.” said Chuck Norris as he glanced back at the Sphinx. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/35 "2006-01-31T01:51:11Z")
> [@Tripler](#): > > My fav: "Chuck Norris does not know about this site. Otherwise he would have deleted the internet. " > [@beergeek279](#): > > [Chuck Norris Responds to Random Facts](http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1) 🙂 Luckily, Chuck Norris does not take offense nor take these things too seriously and hopes his new books will be seek out by the Internet folks. And that leads to: The infinity monkeys that were supposed to someday type the works of Shakespeare noticed that Chuck Norris was coming, they had his books even edited and set for prepress in a nanosecond. ---
**Author:** ![Mellivora\_capensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mellivora\_capensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellivora_capensis)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/36 "2006-01-31T08:12:10Z")
Chuck Norris snorkeled the Mariana Trench, the deepest part of the ocean. Once. In 1960. For 20 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/37 "2006-01-31T09:10:30Z")
“If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.” This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read about Chuck Norris seeing me. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/38 "2006-01-31T12:27:45Z")
> [@Mellivora capensis](#): > > Chuck Norris snorkeled the Mariana Trench, the deepest part of the ocean. Once. In 1960. For 20 minutes. Psh. Chuck Norris was there twice. In 1980. For 3 hours. Out of spite. ---
**Author:** ![Mellivora\_capensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mellivora\_capensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellivora_capensis)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/39 "2006-01-31T12:45:13Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > Psh. Chuck Norris was there twice. In 1980. For 3 hours. Out of spite. Y’know, now that you mention it, I heard something about that. But the way I heard it he was there in 2004. On the 26th of December. And on the way down he roundhouse kicked a whale, cleared his snorkel, and
 :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978/40 "2006-01-31T15:02:09Z")
If a chicken and a half lays an egg and a half in one day, then how long would it Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-doesnt-sleep-he-waits/341978.md?page=3)