# Chuck Norris vs. Honey Badger? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 14, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661 "2011-10-14T19:02:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/1 "2011-10-14T19:02:41Z")
Who would come out victorious? I … can’t…choose. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/2 "2011-10-14T19:07:05Z")
Who the hell is Honey Badger? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/3 "2011-10-14T19:20:18Z")
[Tyrann Mathieu](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QZofmw7uQ8). (OK, OK, it’s from an older [meme](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg).) 😛 ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/4 "2011-10-14T19:25:58Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > [Tyrann Mathieu](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QZofmw7uQ8). > > (OK, OK, it’s from an older [meme](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg).) 😛 Heh. Norris. He can reverse the planets rotation with a kick. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/5 "2011-10-14T19:31:30Z")
Honey badger. Chuck Norris is stoopid. ETA: There. I said it. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/6 "2011-10-14T19:34:15Z")
But the honey badger DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT! Honey badger in a knockout! ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/7 "2011-10-14T19:40:08Z")
Chuck Norris is a washed up conservative piece of shit. Honey badgers are freaking awesome and DO NOT GIVE A SHIT. Honey badger, no contest. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/8 "2011-10-14T20:36:52Z")
When Chuck climbs a tree to get at a cobra then he MAY, MAY arise to Honey Badger status. 'Course he’ll still be an @$$ ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/9 "2011-10-14T21:30:44Z")
I voted for Chuck. I assumed the Honey Badger was _Mellivora capensis_. It’s choice of attack is to go for it’s opponents testicles. Since Chuck’s are so small he wouldn’t be seriously harmed and had a good chance of boring the Ratel to death. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/10 "2011-10-15T04:46:36Z")
Chuck’s nuts are the source of all his power. Once the honey badger rips them off, he’ll begin shrinking exponentially in size and power. I’ve run 1000 simulations and I have the honey badger winning approximately 73.4% of the fights. The only way Chuck can win is by landing a perfectly-executed roundhouse kick to the amygdala during the honey badger’s initial approach, before it’s in the testicular red zone–that’s a oneshot kill. Otherwise, his nuts are gone every time, and it’s all downhill from there. ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/11 "2011-10-15T05:50:31Z")
Well, according to [this](http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=Chuck+Norris&word2=Honey+Badger), it’s Honey Badger. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/12 "2011-10-15T13:41:31Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > Chuck’s nuts are the source of all his power. Once the honey badger rips them off, he’ll begin shrinking exponentially in size and power. > > I’ve run 1000 simulations and I have the honey badger winning approximately 73.4% of the fights. The only way Chuck can win is by landing a perfectly-executed roundhouse kick to the amygdala during the honey badger’s initial approach, before it’s in the testicular red zone–that’s a oneshot kill. Otherwise, his nuts are gone every time, and it’s all downhill from there. He can’t shrink much more. He’s only 3 1/2 feet tall without his high heels on. ---
**Author:** ![heathen\_earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/13edae/32.png) [@heathen\_earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heathen_earthling)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/13 "2011-10-15T14:14:24Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > Who the hell is Honey Badger? I’m considering going as the Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger for Halloween. Am I going to be hearing this all night? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2011, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/chuck-norris-vs-honey-badger/599661/14 "2011-10-15T15:09:01Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > He can’t shrink much more. He’s only 3 1/2 feet tall without his high heels on. After a fruitless google images search, I’m calling for [citation needed].