# Churches that ban(ned) divorced women **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 5, 2015, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250 "2015-03-05T05:31:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/1 "2015-03-05T05:31:12Z")
We got into this discussion at a soup supper this evening at my Episcopal church. Our pastor experienced this when he was a kid, in a different denomination, in the early 1970s. :mad: Not only was his mother told that she and the kids could no longer attend, he and his sister were also prohibited from participating in extracurricular activities at their school, because “they would be a bad influence on the other kids”. 😕 :eek: He wasn’t there; his wife told the story, and I asked her if the pastor said the same thing to his father. She replied, “I have no idea. He’s never told me, and I haven’t asked.” The emphasis was on women with children; I asked if these churches had any opinion about divorced men, and nobody had an answer to that. My own question started off, “How did they feel about divorced dads?” and my pastor’s wife said, “Do they do that?” meaning, “do they go to church?” and yes, they do. Several of them attend our own congregation, as a matter of fact, although none of the ones I know of have young children right now. Years ago, there WAS a divorced dad in our congregation who brought his young kids, but he had sole custody which was another story altogether. I would imagine that in 99.9% of divorced couples, a father taking the kids to church (or any other kind of religious service) while they’re with him would NOT go over well with the ex-wife, even if they were the same denomination. I do know that the Catholics were especially notorious for this kind of thing, and often prohibited kids from “broken homes” from attending their parochial schools. An aside: A few years ago, a group of elderly women at my church, none of whom had ever been divorced, addressed the whole issue about how it used to be such a shameful thing to be a divorced woman, or have one in your family, and I said, “How did society feel about divorced men?” They all kind of stared at each other for a few minutes, and finally, one of them said, “I don’t remember that society had an opinion about them, or that we were supposed to.” I have never read anything about it either, except that in most cases, they completely disappeared from the lives of their children, something that isn’t usually condoned nowadays. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/2 "2015-03-05T05:37:26Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I do know that the Catholics were especially notorious for this kind of thing, and often prohibited kids from “broken homes” from attending their parochial schools. That’s supposed to go both ways, though (and it’s supposed to be re. Communion, and it’s supposed… ); are you asking about divorced women or about divorced people? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/3 "2015-03-05T05:42:27Z")
Mostly divorced women, but men too, I guess. As for the conversation with the elderly women, they were also talking about how people nowadays almost always celebrate when a woman announces she’s getting a divorce - basically cheer her on and figuratively throw confetti at her, tell her how courageous she is and how happy she’ll be afterwards, etc. even if they know nothing about why the couple split up or how she feels about it. ---
**Author:** ![Steken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Steken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steken)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/4 "2015-03-05T07:44:14Z")
My Catholic grandmother’s Catholic sister was refused communion after divorcing her asshole drunk of a husband. This was in Tenerife, the Canary Islands, Spain some thirty years ago or so. In protest, she began attending the local Lutheran church…! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/5 "2015-03-05T07:56:06Z")
What was the theory behind refusing children from broken homes. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/6 "2015-03-05T10:54:45Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I would imagine that in 99.9% of divorced couples, a father taking the kids to church (or any other kind of religious service) while they’re with him would NOT go over well with the ex-wife, even if they were the same denomination. Why’d you say so? I can see some disagreement if the denominations are different, but if they have the same religion, then it shouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/7 "2015-03-05T11:08:20Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > What was the theory behind refusing children from broken homes. I think there was some notion that sin was contagious, sort of like cooties. Hence, the children of a divorcee would be a “bad influence” because their parents taint would travel with them. Or something. Rather like children born out of wedlock used to be at actual social and legal disadvantage in the old days. Like children had to be punished for the sins of their parents. On a different level, it’s a social control thing - punishing the children would make it that much harder for a woman to divorce or have a bastard, which was supposed to discourage that from occurring and punish people from defying the church’s dictates. Church used to be a lot more powerful a factor in peoples’ lives, something our much more secular society sometimes has difficulty understanding on a gut level. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/8 "2015-03-05T12:40:22Z")
In my secondhand experience, the ban is more about previously-divorced women with an ex-husband still living (if they were dead, it would be fine - they could be a widow) who weren’t contrite or at least pretended to. My mother’s third wedding was to a Catholic, and it was his second wedding. All their spouses were alive. They got married in a church but had to go there frequently and I had to go and say, sulkily as an atheist non-catholic 9-year-old, something or other in Latin which apparently made it OK. My eldest brother is Catholic (converted as an adult) and is of the opinion that my daughter and I are condemned to hell because she was born out of wedlock and so was I, so she is doubly damned. I assume he takes into account some repentance, but apart from that we’re automatically on a train to hell. Presumably he somehow accepts that the marriage after his mother died, but before his father married my mother, was valid, but all subsquent marriages aren’t. Said brother is also on his second marriage but his first was annulled. > [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Mostly divorced women, but men too, I guess. > > As for the conversation with the elderly women, they were also talking about how people nowadays almost always celebrate when a woman announces she’s getting a divorce - basically cheer her on and figuratively throw confetti at her, tell her how courageous she is and how happy she’ll be afterwards, etc. even if they know nothing about why the couple split up or how she feels about it. They must have read online the articles where a couple of divorced people have parties for it. It would have taken a lot of effort for them to believe that this really is the way divorce is usually conducted today, though. ---
**Author:** ![Saintly\_Loser](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saintly_loser/32/4045_2.png) [@Saintly\_Loser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saintly_Loser)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/9 "2015-03-05T13:42:07Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I do know that the Catholics were especially notorious for this kind of thing, and often prohibited kids from “broken homes” from attending their parochial schools. Catholics do discourage (at least) divorced and remarried Catholics from receiving Communion. I think you’re OK if you’re divorced but _not_ remarried. Our current Pope seems to be making noises about changing this policy. I’ve never known a parochial school to bar the children of divorced parents (children of “broken homes”), and I’m well into my fifties (old enough to vaguely remember the Latin Mass). More than one of my school friends in grammar school were children of single moms, or divorced mothers. > [@SciFiSam](#): > > My eldest brother is Catholic (converted as an adult) and is of the opinion that my daughter and I are condemned to hell because she was born out of wedlock and so was I, so she is doubly damned. I assume he takes into account some repentance, but apart from that we’re automatically on a train to hell. Your brother is flat-out wrong about Catholic teaching. Often converts are more Catholic than the Pope, as the saying goes. Is he associated with one of the rad-trad sects? The Society of St. Pius X? Is he a Latin Mass type? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/10 "2015-03-05T13:45:05Z")
[QUOTE=nearwildheaven] I do know that the Catholics were especially notorious for this kind of thing, and often prohibited kids from “broken homes” from attending their parochial schools. [/QUOTE] Since you said that you “know” this and that it “often” happened, could I get a cite for this? It’s GQ, after all. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/11 "2015-03-05T15:00:06Z")
I know a family that tried to join a Beachy Amish Mennonite church and were told that only the children could join because the parents were in an improper second marriage (and thus could only join if they agreed to split up. They could be friends, just no benefits). Anyone was permitted to attend services. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/12 "2015-03-05T15:01:24Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > What was the theory behind refusing children from broken homes. Some people are weird. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/13 "2015-03-05T15:04:45Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Since you said that you “know” this and that it “often” happened, could I get a cite for this? It’s GQ, after all. > > Regards, > Shodan I was also curious. It is GQ, so it’s a fair question. The only thing I could find confirmed is the Philippines - they definitely ban divorce, so presumably they would not even acknowledge divorced women! On [this](http://www.catholic.com/quickquestions/may-a-person-who-is-divorced-but-not-remarried-receive-communion) website, which is catholic answers, and by no means definitive, but a good start, they have this to say: > [@](#): > > While Church teaching recognizes the seriousness of divorce, it understands that: > > 1. There are situations in which civil divorce may be necessary: “If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense” (CCC 2383), and > 2. Divorce may occur due to no fault of an innocent spouse: > It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage. (CCC 2386) > > In such cases, divorce is not sinful for that person and he or she may continue to receive Communion. However, in other cases—as with all serious sin—a divorced person should go to confession immediately, prior to receiving Communion. If a divorced person later remarries invalidly he or she would then be prohibited from receiving Communion as long as that situation persists or until he or she has gone to confession and committed to living chastely. Interesting. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/14 "2015-03-05T15:05:38Z")
> [@Saintly\_Loser](#): > > Catholics do discourage (at least) divorced and remarried Catholics from receiving Communion. I think you’re OK if you’re divorced but _not_ remarried. Our current Pope seems to be making noises about changing this policy. > > I’ve never known a parochial school to bar the children of divorced parents (children of “broken homes”), and I’m well into my fifties (old enough to vaguely remember the Latin Mass). More than one of my school friends in grammar school were children of single moms, or divorced mothers. My dad and his ex-wife attend/ed Catholic religious services, and they’ve been divorced for almost 40 years. Granted, they don’t do communion, but when they go, they’re present. Mom never did communion, and since she married my dad (a divorced man), that point is moot, but she also has had no problem attending Catholic services. My (step)grandmother divorced all the way in the 1940s-1950s, and eventually married my grandpa (a widow). They continued to attend church faithfully for the next almost 40 years, until grandpa died, and they were welcomed at church. Grandma remarried, first civilly, to another man. Eventually, her first husband died (who had remarried someone else) died, and they were able to be married by church in a simple ceremony. Then and now granny can do communion again. My brother, a child from a “broken-home”, had no problem attending parochial school, and neither did a lot of his classmates, but this was in the early 80s. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/15 "2015-03-05T15:16:54Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I was also curious. It is GQ, so it’s a fair question. The only thing I could find confirmed is the Philippines - they definitely ban divorce, so presumably they would not even acknowledge divorced women! > > On [this](http://www.catholic.com/quickquestions/may-a-person-who-is-divorced-but-not-remarried-receive-communion) website, which is catholic answers, and by no means definitive, but a good start, they have this to say: > > Interesting. Thanks for the cite, but I was interested specifically in information about the children of divorce being banned from parochial schools. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/16 "2015-03-05T15:21:16Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Thanks for the cite, but I was interested specifically in information about the children of divorce being banned from parochial schools. > > Regards, > Shodan Oh. Sorry. I was more interested in the other. ---
**Author:** ![Marion\_Wormer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Marion\_Wormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marion_Wormer)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/17 "2015-03-05T15:37:57Z")
I know this discussion has focused on the Catholic Church, but there were Protestant churches that held the same view. When my mother divorced my father she was no longer able to attend the Church of Christ we were attending. That began a long period of church shopping to find a CoC that would accept a divorced woman (even though my father had committed an act that was an acceptable excuse for divorce in the eyes of the CoC). Finally she gave up and started going to the Disciples of Christ, which was a much more relaxed denomination regarding literal interpretation of the Old Testament. Speaking as a former Protestant, if I had to become a Protestant again, it would be Disciples of Christ. I don’t doubt the stories about children of divorced parents not being allowed to attend parochial schools. That must have been a decision of the local bishop and bishops can be wrong. I don’t think it was a policy of the whole Church. Internationally there were certainly parochial schools serving children whose parents were not christian or even whose parents were polygamous. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/18 "2015-03-05T16:41:03Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I would imagine that in 99.9% of divorced couples, a father taking the kids to church (or any other kind of religious service) while they’re with him would NOT go over well with the ex-wife, even if they were the same denomination. What’s your basis and reasoning for thinking this? Is it some sort of taboo for fathers to engage in religious instruction of their children? ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/19 "2015-03-05T17:08:40Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > … > My eldest brother is Catholic (converted as an adult) and is of the opinion that my daughter and I are condemned to hell because she was born out of wedlock and so was I, so she is doubly damned. I assume he takes into account some repentance, but apart from that we’re automatically on a train to hell. > … This is completely absurd and non-Catholic. The only thing that can send a baptized person to hell is unrepented sin. Adultery and fornication (even instances leading to children) can be repented of and forgiven in Confession. Abortion too. Simply being born out of wedlock can’t be a sin - children aren’t responsible for their own sins until the age of reason. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250/20 "2015-03-05T17:10:28Z")
When Pope Francis was elected, I remember reading that he had stood up for out-of-wedlock children being permitted in church, or maybe it was baptism. Something big. I remember reading that with shock since I wasn’t aware it was still tradition in some places. Heck, maybe it’s more than tradition. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/churches-that-ban-ned-divorced-women/714250.md?page=2)