# "Citizen Zombie!" "Gone with the Zombies!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 2, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786 "2003-07-02T15:30:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/41 "2003-07-02T20:25:50Z")
_Ol Zombie_ It is really sad when the boy has to shoot the family zombie at the end. _Cinderella_ Her step-sisters and step-mother aren’t just wicked, they’re ZOMBIES! But when Cinderella gets to the ball all hell breaks loose when the ball becomes besieged by zombie attack. _The Day the Zombie Stood Still_ Klatu Barrata Nicktu doesn’t do squat against an army of ZOMBIES. _Clueless_ About 10 mins into the film Zombies eat all the characters brains. Movie continues normally. _The Brady Bunch Movie_ Marsha promises her school that The Zombies will play at the school dance. Imagine her embarrassment when instead of the rock band real Zombies come and kill them all. Jan gets upset when the Zombies clearly prefer Marsha’s brain to hers. _Sense and Zombiebility_ Not only does Miss Dashwood have to worry if her secret love will be expoused or if the behaviour of her younger sisters will bring embarrassment to the family but she has to worry about Zombies attacking as well. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/42 "2003-07-02T20:37:36Z")
One Flew Over The Zombie’s Nest – no appreciable difference in the movie, but the catchier title would draw a larger demographic ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/43 "2003-07-02T20:39:44Z")
_Soylent Zombie_ _Zombies Don’t Wear Plaid_ _Star Wars: Attack of the Zombies_ would have made more sense… _The Longest Day_ - Allied zombies storm the Normandy beachhead, looking for Nazi brains. And…_Resident Evil: War Games_ where Matthew Broderick plays a game with the Red Queen and lets the T-virus loose on an unsupecting world… ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/44 "2003-07-02T20:49:33Z")
Gladiator, and Glad He Ate _Him_, Too! ---
**Author:** ![Interrobang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/interrobang/32/17463_2.png) [@Interrobang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interrobang)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/45 "2003-07-02T20:51:10Z")
_Five Easy Zombies_: Dupea: I’d like a plain omelette, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee and wheat toast. Waitress (points to menu): No substitutions. Dupea: What do you mean? You don’t have any tomatoes? Waitress: Only what’s on the menu. You can have a No. 2–a plain omelette. It comes with cottage fries and rolls. Dupea: Yeah, I know what it comes with. But it’s not what I want. Waitress: Well, I’ll come back when you make up your mind. Dupea: Wait a minute. I have made up my mind. I’d like to _eat your brain!!!_ (fade out on screams and sounds of smacking lips) ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/46 "2003-07-02T22:45:11Z")
The Night Of The Living Zombies …oh…wait…uh, never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/47 "2003-07-02T23:27:26Z")
_Baby Zombie!_ instead of in Baby where they find the baby brontosaurus, they find a zombie Baby brontosaurus, and hilarity ensues! ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/48 "2003-07-02T23:36:53Z")
Legally Dead - in which Reese Witherspoon rises from the grave and eats the brains of stuck-up Harvard twats. The Opposite of Life - Christina Ricci stars as an angst-filled pregnant zombie teenager with a craving for … you know what. LZG - League of Zombie Gentlemen - Tagline: “A zombie. A zombie. A zombie. A zombie. A zombie. A zombie. A zombie.” And with a brief foray into TV … CSI: Zombie - “It’s a crime scene! It’s a smorgasbord!” ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/49 "2003-07-02T23:50:29Z")
_Zombiefield Earth_: Psychlos vs. Brain-Eating Zombies! Terl (played by John Travolta) remains mysteriously unharmed throughout the movie… ---
**Author:** ![buckgully](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb9ed0/32.png) [@buckgully](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buckgully)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/50 "2003-07-03T00:05:58Z")
Back in the day, my friends and I wanted to make a tv station to balance out “PAX”. Our nightly lineup had things like “Touched by a Zombie” and “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Zombie”. We’d also show movies like “Not Without My Zombie”, the harrowing tale of a woman trying to save her life and the non-life of her shambling monstrosity. Also, “Ol’ Yeller 2: Yeller’s Revenge”. This time it’s gonna take more than a musket. I think I made some graphics for these. I should dig them up and post 'em somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/51 "2003-07-03T00:10:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by buckgully \* > \*\*Also, “Ol’ Yeller 2: Yeller’s Revenge”. This time it’s gonna take more than a musket. \*\* Which would also qualify my “Gandhi II: Hindu Avenger”, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![Ferris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ferris/32/11573_2.png) [@Ferris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferris)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/52 "2003-07-03T01:25:39Z")
The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Zombie… I’ve got to say though, that all of **spoke-**'s have been brilliant! ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/53 "2003-07-03T02:13:37Z")
Cool Hand Zombie “My boy says he can eat 50 brains, he can eat 50 brains” West Side Zombie A living boy falls for the zombie sister of a rival gang’s leader. “A place for us, somewhere a place for us. Hold my hand and we’re halfway there. Eat my brain and we’re almost there.” The Last Zombie On Earth Vincent price is the last zombie left after a hideous virus restores everyone else to life. Glen Or Zombie A man struggles with his desire to wear angora and eat brains. ``` Blazing Zombies A town of hicks is saved by a black zombie. This version is the same until the execution scene. They hang him. But, he comes back. "Is it twue what they say about zombies? Ooooh! It's twue! It's twue!" ``` Zombablanca “If you don’t eat that brain, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today and maybe not tommorow. But soon, and for the rest of your death.” ``` Zombarella The aliens may be interested in her body. But, she looks for a man with brains. Robozombie ``` Sure he fights crime, but robocop seems to have a slight glitch. Harvey Nobody believed he was real . . . until it was too late. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Tambo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@Mr\_Tambo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Tambo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/54 "2003-07-03T02:24:50Z")
_Some Zombies Like It Hot_: Two living men witness a brutal gang massacre and have to hide from the gangsters - by disguising themselves as corpses and joining a shambling horde of zombies _The Blues Zombies_: Jake and Elwood must put on a special concert to raise moneys to but shotguns to save the orphanage, which is under siege by the walking dead. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/55 "2003-07-03T02:36:10Z")
_Pretty Zombie_ - Richard Gere hires a zombie hooker as his escort for a week, makes her over, falls in love, and is summarily eaten by the cynical hooker zombie once she is paid. She never had a “heart of gold”, it was eaten years ago. Gere’s acting becomes more nuanced in later roles as a result. _Zombie Glitter_ - Becomes a short film where Mariah Carey is eaten by zombies in the first five minutes. It breaks all box office records as well as becomes the most downloaded and bootlegged movie of all time as a result. _Zombietanic_ - Kate Winslet gorges herself on well dressed people popsicles during the epic ship sinking. Make up your own “Heart of the Ocean” joke here… _Zombie Wars: Episode 1, The Buffet Menace_ Liam Neeson finds a young Anakin Skywalker and decides to train him to be a Juicy Knight despite the objections of Yoda and the Juicy Council. The Councils fears are soon realized when a peckish Anakin eats Yoda as an apetizer, but they reconsider and accept him after whips up some tasty Gungankebobs using a lightsaber, his Juicy powers, and a suprising delicious Jar-Jar Binks. _Cool Hand Zombie_ - The movie starts the same until the boxing scene between Paul Newman and George Kennedy, now Luke never will give up. He eats Strother Martin after the “failure to communicate” line and spends a night in the box. He doesn’t mind the “get that dirt out of my hole/get that dirt out of my yard” routine anymore. He eats the snakes and turtles before the Man With No Eyes can shoot them and spends a night in the box. He eats the bloodhounds chasing him during one escape, seasoning them with the hot pepper he has the little boys steal. And just because you all see it coming - “Cain’t no man eat 50 brains!” Wrong. ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/56 "2003-07-03T02:58:20Z")
The Road to Zombie Perdition - Tom Hanks and his entire family get shot after a gangland shooting goes bad… but they come back to take vengeance on their killer. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/57 "2003-07-03T03:20:24Z")
Kill Me If You Can–A daring young zombie defies the law, passing as a normal! Watch him as he takes a job as a short order cook! A shoe salesman! And yes…hotel clerk. Tom Hanks co-stars as the by the book occultist cum exorcist, who follows the zombie in order to enact swift justice upon this fiendish member of the undead, for daring to think he could live in our world. This movie will hopefully debut around the time of our next witch/commie/etc. hunt. And then, a movie for the liberals at the tail-end of the witch/commie/etc. hunt… Zombie Like Me–The intense story of a normal living a happy life as a human being without that taste for the flesh. After enrolling in an Undead Cultures course at his uber-liberal college, this human realizes just how hard his zombie brethren have had it. Donning that torn up clothing that the undead seem to crave, and dressing in whiteface, he sets out to see how the other half has it. What he realizes will shock you, amaze you, and leave you wanting more. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/58 "2003-07-03T03:24:58Z")
But in order to provide all the zombies for these movies, other movies will now have to go without: **Night of the Living Alive** * * * Scene 1 - A graveyard Man: _How much longer do you want to stay here?_ Woman: _A few mintues longer._ Man: _No problem._ A few minutes pass by. Woman: _Okay, I’m ready to leave now._ Man: _Good, we should be back in the city by eight._ The man and woman leave. * * * Scene 13 - An abandoned building Man #1: _I say we need to board up the windows._ Man #2: _And I say we need to go down into the basement._ Woman: _Why do we need to do either?_ Man #1: _Ummm, no reason I guess._ Man #2: _Yeah, both ideas were kinda silly when you think about it._ Woman: _Anyone want to play Scrabble?_ * * * Scene 28 - A country road Black man: _Thank god I found you._ Rednecks shoot him. Redneck #1: _Why’d we shoot him anyway?_ Redneck #2:_I dunno. Same reason we shoot them two fellers on the motorcycles, I reckon._ Redneck #1: _Good point. Let’s go sodomize Ned Beatty._ Redneck #2: _Now you’re talking._ ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/59 "2003-07-03T04:04:15Z")
**The Princess Zombie** : After Westley is killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts, he hunts down Buttercup and eats her brains. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/60 "2003-07-03T04:05:14Z")
“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Zombie” “Monster’s Ball” - complete with monsters! “Zombie Gangs of New York” - now, _that_ I might go see. “Spiderzombie” - instead of just eating their brains all quick-like, Spiderzombie cocoons up his prey and stores them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786.md?page=4)