# "Citizen Zombie!" "Gone with the Zombies!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 2, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786 "2003-07-02T15:30:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/61 "2003-07-03T04:07:41Z")
Um, you mean “The Dead Pirate Roberts”, don’tcha Jimbo? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/62 "2003-07-03T04:48:58Z")
> [@](#): > > No no no, at the end Zombie eats Wallace Shawn! Arrgghhh… That’s inconceivable! _Dude, Where’s My Zombie?_ It’d be much less boring, although there wouldn’t be any brains. _Punch-Drunk Zombie_ There’d be even less dialogue and it’d be even more incomprehensible. However, Adam Sandler’s body parts would fall off, which I might enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![Fibber\_McGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a6a055/32.png) [@Fibber\_McGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fibber_McGee)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/63 "2003-07-03T05:04:38Z")
_They Shoot Zombies, Don’t They?_ ---
**Author:** ![A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/46a35a/32.png) [@A\_wizard\_song\_for\_thee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_wizard_song_for_thee)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/64 "2003-07-03T05:18:31Z")
_Zambi_- The young deer’s mother comes back to avenge her own murder. In this one, of course, we actually root _for_ the zombie… _The Shawshank Resurrection_- I always thought a better escape plan would have been for Tim Robbins to just die and come back… _Charlie’s Zombies_- I would be much more entertained if there was a reasonable chance of Drew, Cameron, or Lucy having their bits fall off at random moments… In the big reveal of _Soylent Zombies_, everyone gets disgusted because it _isn’t_ people… _Dead Man Walking_ wouldn’t have to change its title, though the plot would need a certain amount of re-arranging… Ooo-- Though it would be a significant re-interpretation of Shakespeare, it would be cool if Banquo’s ghost came back and ate Macbeth. “Out, out brief candle this!” ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/65 "2003-07-03T06:52:23Z")
The Vanishing Zombie: One of the most horrifying endings in film history suddenly becomes not such a big deal. Z.O.A.: A man who has been fatally poisoned sets out on a leisurely quest to find out who did it. Of Zombie Origin: Everything Peter Weller’s character tries works. To a point. SeZen: See The Vanishing Zombie. Zombie Club: The first rule of Zombie Club is BRAINS! Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead II, The Reunion: Twenty years later, the boys and Mr. Shush reminesce about that one magical summer. The Deadfather: Michael avoids having to join in the family business. The Sixth Sense, Zombie Edition: Yeah, kid, you’re not so special. Midnight Zombie: Fewer clients, but because of the specialization they pay more. Zombs: “You know what the real tragedy of this day is? I’m not even supposed to be dead today.” “That’s, like, 18 feet of dead.” ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/66 "2003-07-03T07:28:16Z")
**A Fistfull of Zombies** “When a man with a forty-five meets a man who’s a Zombie, the man with the forty-five is a dead man…well, _another_ dead man…look, I didn’t say it was a _good_ proverb!” **Unforgiven** by zombies “It’s a hell of a thing, eatin’ a man. Ya eat everything he’s got … and everything he’s gonna have.” ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/67 "2003-07-03T07:32:48Z")
A spotlight comes up on an empty stage. A figure, looking very much like a decrepit John C. Reilly, shambles out of the shadows and into the light. His flesh is dripping off his bones, his fingers are barely claws; there are holes in his cheeks. He’s wearing what appears to be the remnants of clown makeup. Surprisingly, he begins to sing… If a zombie stood up in a crowd And raised his voice to groan out loud And ate your arm And dropped his leg You’d notice him If someone in a movie show Yelled “zombie in the second row, This whole place is a zombie feast!” You’d notice him And even without loudly eating men Everyone gets noticed, now and then, Unless, of course, that personage should be Invisisble, unanimated me! Eat a brain, Mister Eat a brain, I’ll eat your basal vein Mister Eat a brain 'cause I can sneak up on you Eat right through you And never know I’m there! ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/68 "2003-07-03T07:36:24Z")
Unliving Las Vegas - Nick Cage’s attempt to drink himself to death has a disappointing conclusion. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/69 "2003-07-03T13:14:09Z")
_Gravediggers of 1933_ Ruby Keeler gets a job in an all-zombie chorus line, and no one even notices the difference. _Death of a Nation_ D.W. Griffith’s stirring tale of the zombies vs. the Klan. _Dinner is Ate_ MGM’s all-star extravaganza, where zombie Billie Burke invites Marie Dressler, Jean Harlow, Wallace Beery and John Barrymore for dinner . . . Only _they’re_ the entree! _The Zombie of Oz_ Little Dorothy and her dog fight off tiny zombie Munchkins with the help of her friends. ---
**Author:** ![chukhung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@chukhung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chukhung)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/70 "2003-07-03T13:22:17Z")
_Dead_ A plane carrying a zombie rugby team crashes high in the remote Andes. Will they be allowed to continue their pleasant existence, far away from normal human society? Or will “rescuers” arrive to shatter the only peace they’ve ever known? _Dead_, a triumph over the human spirit. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/71 "2003-07-03T13:24:37Z")
> [@](#): > > _Death of a Nation_ > D.W. Griffith’s stirring tale of the zombies vs. the Klan. I think it would be “a tale of the heroic zombie Klan vs. evil, uppity blacks.” ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/72 "2003-07-03T14:27:59Z")
**It’s a Wonderful Death** - George jumps off the bridge. His undead corpse then saves Bedford Falls by eating Potter’s brain. Then, after his friend says “Hee Haw” one too many times, George eats _his_ brain. “I’ve always wanted to do that,” George admits. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/73 "2003-07-03T14:29:47Z")
Any Woody Allen movie: “Gee I’d really like to eat her brain, but I don’t think she’s kosher. Besides, the guilt and the heartburn would keep me up all night. Y’know, a good deli could clean up in this graveyard. Oh, I forgot, I’m on a fish diet this month, I’m only eating Jewish sailors.” _From Justin To Kelly_ - a zombified Simon Cowell assaults the perky youngsters and their beachgoing friends with vicious braineating attacks and scathing food reviews of each of his freshly eaten victims. Mr. Nasty declares Justin, “Too stringy and underdone, not very filling at all. Quite possibly the worst I’ve ever eaten.” Stay tuned for: _Stop Eating My Left Foot!_ _The Tasty Eyes Of Laura Mars_ _With Six You Get Leg Roll_ _Yours, Mine, And Ours - The Smorgasbord_ _Sophie’s Choice II_ You know where this one is going. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/74 "2003-07-03T14:43:01Z")
The Bob Hope movies _My Favorite Brunette, My Favorite Blonde_ and _My Favorite Spy_ suddenly become a lot more interesting as Bob quips to the camera in between brain munching snacks. Hope’s _Road_ pictures with Bing Crosby now revolve around the boys getting into wacky hijinks and fighting over who get to eat Dorothy Lamour. A subplot features Bing also trying to decide which of his kids to beat and which ones to eat. Plus, Crosby’s horse has a new motivation to come in first and keep on running. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/75 "2003-07-03T15:05:15Z")
**Eight Heads in a Duffel Bag** - Zombie fast food. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/76 "2003-07-03T15:09:02Z")
_Annie Hell Death and Death Broadway Danny Roast Everyone Says I Ate You Hannah Ate Her Sisters_ . . . Wait a minute, these are starting to sound like porn . . . ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/77 "2003-07-03T17:08:01Z")
_Who Framed Roger Zombie_ There are two worlds in Hollywood…the world of the humans, and the world of the Zombs, who for years have been eating brains in humorous ways for entertainment. Zombs are more than just ink and paint…they’re real. This is the story of one Zomb who has been framed for killing Marvin Brains, head of the brain factory, by eating his brain. The only detective in Hollywood is forced to team up with him…but he hates Zombs. Especially when they try to eat his brain. _The Incredibly Strange Zombies Who Were Briefly Incapacitated and then Continued to Be Incredibly Strange, Possibly Mixed-Up Zombies_ I have no idea what this one is about. _The Music Zombie_ “You say you got trouble, right here in River City. That starts with a “T” and that rhymes with “B” and that stands for brains.” ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/78 "2003-07-03T18:30:55Z")
_Austin Powers: International Zombie of Mystery_ The groovy comic time-traveler gets a makeover - no longer is he a slightly odd but sexually irresistible superspy; now he’s a slightly odd but sexually irresistible DEAD superspy. (see also: _Austin Powers II: The Zombie Who Shagged Me_ and _Austin Powers III: Goldzombie_). ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/79 "2003-07-03T19:14:41Z")
_Monty Python’s Flying Zombies_ A bunch of zombies. Flying. _Zombielander_ Secret agent zombie male model does stuff. _To Kill A Zombie_ Atticus Finch shoots them from a distance, impresses Scout. Boo turns out to have been a zombie all along. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786/80 "2003-07-03T20:25:16Z")
**The Dead Also Rise** - Hemingway-esque treatment of the concept. Our protagonist goes to Pamplona for the traditional Running of the Zombies. (…Well, _shambling_ of the zombies, really.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/citizen-zombie-gone-with-the-zombies/185786.md?page=5)