# Clarify Jerk Rule, re: personal info Pit threads **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 4, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692 "2005-04-04T17:34:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/1 "2005-04-04T17:34:14Z")
Are personal info BBQ Pit threads inviolate? So I guess it’s proper for me to start a new thread here asking for a yet another clarification of the “do not be a jerk” rule". So mods, can I get an answer? [Thread Reference](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=309976) I was sick of people posting TMI in the Pit - so I responded accordingly. At one point, admittedly in crude fashion, I expressed apathy towards the variety and degree the OP wished to pit family members. This got me warned for jerkness. Here’s where I explained “I don’t give a shit”(clarifying for **alice\_in\_wonderland** not **Lynn** as I mistakenly said inthread: > [@](#): > > _CarnalK_ > […] really I only “don’t give a shit” regarding his choice about who he hates most from the list. My god, why should I? I also gave a hypothetical post which crossed my mind, but I felt inappropriate. I don’t actually like telling people what to feel but for interest sake here it is: > [@](#): > > _Alternative Universe actually jerky CarnalK might have said:_ > > Fuck this. I sick of people “Pitting” a goddamn faceless disease or situation. Do you think you’re “Getting it out of your system”?Bullshit, you’re feeding it. The sooner you realize anger is a useless emotion here the better off you’ll be. So your Dad hasn’t run HIS life and HIS cancer the way you like it huh? Well get real mad. That solves everything. > > And I wished the OP good luck before all you wienies. 😛 So I’ll repost my question here: > [@](#): > > _CarnalK:_ > What I was genuinely curious about is if just as many people would have “almost” reported that hypothetical post for jerkiness. Also, am I a jerk simply because my “hijack” does not contain enough sympathy or empathy? I have not personally attacked the poster nor have I made light of his situation, so what’s the deal? Also on topic, could **Lynn** explain why it is improper to call someone an attention whore in the thread you find them attention whoring? That is NOT what I was doing but **Lynn** thought it was a helpful suggestion to make: > [@](#): > > _Lynn Bodoni said_ > While the rules are much looser here, the “don’t be a jerk” rule still applies. If CarnalK wants to call Sinusoidal Saurus an attention whore, he can do it in another thread. [snip] It’s quite apparent to me that the OP is upset and needs to vent. I gotta admit, that post made me do a big WTF? I’m tacitly ignoring the “ignore list” warning you gave me in that thread unless you reiterate it. It seems you made that in haste, so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt it was an error. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/2 "2005-04-04T17:43:39Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > I was sick of people posting TMI in the Pit - so I responded accordingly. But that’s a whole separate issue from the topic of the thread. If you want to bitch about the type of content in the Pit, do it as a separate thread. Don’t hijack another thread to do so. That was the jerkish behavior to which people are referring. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/3 "2005-04-04T17:52:47Z")
Jesus fucking Christ, if you cannot tell that what you did in that thread was inappropriate, even for the Pit, then maybe you’d be happier at a different message board. The rest of us don’t need shit like that. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/4 "2005-04-04T17:58:03Z")
Actually the point is that I can do without “shit” like the OP I responded too. I didn’t start a mod clarification thread so some dumbass could come in and say “Duh, it’s obvious” ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/5 "2005-04-04T18:01:39Z")
But since it IS obvious… :rolleyes: How to determine if you are being a jerk: Would you say that to the person’s face, even if he’s been drinking, and if so, would you be surprised if he punched you in the nose. That rule of thumb does not work if you happen to be a sociopath, but it works in most cases. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/6 "2005-04-04T18:11:30Z")
**Nutty Bunny** I didn’t think it was separate. Read my hypothetical post- can you see that it would have been more “on topic” but would have been “jerkier”. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/7 "2005-04-04T18:15:56Z")
> [@](#): > > _dropzone:_ > How to determine if you are being a jerk: Would you say that to the person’s face, even if he’s been drinking, and if so, would you be surprised if he punched you in the nose. OK, admit right now you are full of shit. How many Pit threads could be read out to your boss, family or a stranger in a bar? ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/8 "2005-04-04T18:16:09Z")
I don’t know that you went about making the point in the best way **CarnalK** , but I do agree that the MPSIMS stuff in the Pit does tend to grate. If you’re wanting a shoulder to cry on, or a friendly soul to give your ego a stroke after life bops you with the reality stick, the Pit should not be the place you go to for it. ---
**Author:** ![holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e95f7d/32.png) [@holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/holmes)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/9 "2005-04-04T18:17:38Z")
\*\* CarnalK\*\* So now you have 3 threads about you now…is that what you needed to validate yourself? Happy, now? If you still can’t see that what you did in **Sinusoidal Saurus** thread was uncalled for; then nothing anyone can say in these 3 threads will convince you. Enjoy your time in the sun, perhaps you’ll fair better than our flying Greek boy; when the ruling you crave comes down. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/10 "2005-04-04T18:22:50Z")
I am not an attention whore. Quite honestly it makes me uncomfortable. This thread I thought was neccessary, the pitting of me inevitable and I guess I needed a thread to be in to spawn the first two. I would say I’m currently riding the minimum threadwise for making a point around here. ---
**Author:** ![holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e95f7d/32.png) [@holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/holmes)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/11 "2005-04-04T18:25:29Z")
\*\* belladonna\*\* So then report the thread to a mod; isn’t that their job? To determine where a thread belongs? Are we all to become anti-mods, who instead of moving a thread, completely destroy it; because we don’t like where is was placed? This behaviour is unacceptable. Whether a MPSIMS grates or not, there’s a procedure to correct that. Even better who be to have some level of self-control and not deliberately train-wreck it; then claim it’s your right to do it, because in your opinion it didn’t belong there in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/12 "2005-04-04T18:26:16Z")
**CarnalK** , I think that I may be able to offer some suggestions. First, let me say that I think that you are probably technically correct. The thread that you are referencing probably could just as well have gone in MPSIMS. Be that as it may, there are some things that I would suggest that you may want to think about. I see that you are not new here, so I am surprised that I have to mention this, but here it is: The BBQ Pit has a long and varied history of people ranting about things that are upsetting them. It also has a cultural norm of some topics being off limits for snide or bitchy comments. When you are getting a ration of shit for your comments, it is simply the culture that you are in (the SDMB and its users) giving you feedback. For example, a poster could post a rant where she is deeply upset because she was date raped and then the pharmacist refused to fill her prescription for emergency contraception. Now, I could reply that I believed that all date rape was the woman’s fault and that it was a good thing that she couldn’t fill the prescription because that was murder. That would probably be technically within the rules, though borderline, but it would still be a dickhead thing to do. More to the point, and I have brought this up in a thread that I started about this topic, I really think that it is worth while to think about how your words will hurt others and it is also worth thinking about the fact that just because you _can_ do something, it does not follow that you _should_. In the end, what you seem to be wanting to do is to make the world more ugly. I would offer that this is not a worthy thing to do. The fact is that the type of posts that you are recently so bitterly complaining about have a long history of acceptance within the society that you now find yourself. If this is not to your liking, I suspect that the productive choice for you is to find someplace more to your liking. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/13 "2005-04-04T18:27:51Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > I was sick of people posting TMI in the Pit - so I responded accordingly. > > […] > Also on topic, could **Lynn** explain why it is improper to call someone an attention whore in the thread you find them attention whoring? Any reason in particular why you didn’t hit the report post button and suggest to the mods that it be moved to MPSIMS? As for your second point, typically if you wish to Pit a fellow poster over a thread of theirs, you make a new thread in the Pit and post a notification post and link in the original thread so as not to hijack it. Ironically, for a thread you thought was MPSIMS material, you ended up firmly cementing it in the Pit by not doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/14 "2005-04-04T18:32:05Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > **Nutty Bunny** I didn’t think it was separate. Read my hypothetical post- can you see that it would have been more “on topic” but would have been “jerkier”. Let’s see. Issue #1. Someone talking about their father having cancer. Issue #2. You bitching about content in the Pit. Oh, you’re right. Not separate at all. Carry on, then. :wally ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/15 "2005-04-04T18:32:17Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > How many Pit threads could be read out to your boss, family or a stranger in a bar? That isn’t what I said. What I said is “Would you be willing to say what you said to **Sinusoidal Saurus** directly to his face? And would you be surprised if he punched you?” If you are surprised that people beat you up for your behavior perhaps you were insufficiently circumspect when you posted. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/16 "2005-04-04T18:32:46Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > I am not an attention whore. Well, you’re acting like one. Come on, if you read a thread that bores you, you have three options: (1) Post in it, “Actually I don’t give a shit.” (2) Pretend to be politely interested. (3) Resist the impulse to post at all. Option (1) is both rude and pointless, and you should know it. Option (2) wouldn’t seem like a possibility for you. So, why didn’t you choose ooption (3)? No one forces you to post in threads that bore you. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/17 "2005-04-04T18:37:41Z")
Actually **duffer** as a former heavy drinking man myself (a situation I know you’re familiar with) I constantly amazed friends and aquaintances with what I could get away with saying in bars, as long as I was flashing my darling smile. **Nutty Bunny** , I honestly don’t get your point. I understand people would think both responses are mean-spirited but would one be less of a rule violation? ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/18 "2005-04-04T18:42:44Z")
Holy crap, my error. Somehow mixed up posters. I meant **dropzone** (who’s drinking habits I have no recollection) not **duffer**. **Giles** , it doesn’t bore me - it annoys me. Maybe I’m “defending my playground” to paraphrase my detracters in the original thread but I don’t really see what’s wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/19 "2005-04-04T18:51:56Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > Actually **duffer** as a former heavy drinking man myself (a situation I know you’re familiar with) I constantly amazed friends and aquaintances with what I could get away with saying in bars, as long as I was flashing my darling smile. > > **Nutty Bunny** , I honestly don’t get your point. I understand people would think both responses are mean-spirited but would one be less of a rule violation? No, you can bitch all you want about content in the Pit, just not in someone else’s thread. Here’s what you could have done to save all of this (and, God help me, I can’t believe I even have to explain this): 1. You read the offending Pit thread. 2. You open a different Pit thread to bitch about it. No problem. People might post that they disagree with and call you a doody-head, but that wouldn’t make you a jerk. Here is what you did: 1. You read the offending Pit thread. 2. You bitched about it in that other person’s Pit thread, thus hijacking a fucking cancer thread to make it all about you and how you don’t like people posting about personal shit. THAT is what made you a jerk. There’s a certain ettiquette to be followed and you fucked it up but good. If you want to bitch about your own personal board ettiquette, do it outside of someone else’s thread. Fucking A! For as long as you’ve been here, you should’ve known better. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692/20 "2005-04-04T18:53:25Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > **Giles** , it doesn’t bore me - it annoys me. Maybe I’m “defending my playground” to paraphrase my detracters in the original thread but I don’t really see what’s wrong with that. Well, it’s not just _your_ playground. It would be politer to let others play the way they want in their own threads, without coming in to wreck them. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clarify-jerk-rule-re-personal-info-pit-threads/297692.md?page=2)