# Classic conversation stoppers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 14, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127 "2007-04-14T17:54:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/1 "2007-04-14T17:54:12Z")
Inspired by a **Far Side** panel: “…and you’re sitting in it right now.” ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/2 "2007-04-14T18:27:38Z")
Any reference to one’s personal colostomy bag. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/3 "2007-04-14T18:33:56Z")
Complaining about the poor quality of your photograph on the Sexual Offender’s Website. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/4 "2007-04-14T18:40:31Z")
A buddy of mine and I were at dinner one night and the waitress (who was kind of cute) kept coming over to our table to talk to us. It was just idle chit chat, but it definately seemed to me that she was fishing for something besides a good tip, if you know what I mean. _nudge, nudge_ _wink, wink_ At one point she asks us if the place we were at was a steak, what kind of steak would it be. This, was actually a very _bad_ question to ask, since my friend at the time, had given up eating meat because he was convinced that the government was putting mind control substances in it (no shit). In hopes of shutting him down before he went on one of his tirades about how meat was bad for you, I said, “He doesn’t eat meat. He’s a wiennie.” My friend, instead of taking the hint, immediately pipes up with, “We’ve got a friend who eats wiennies!” just like some three year old kid proudly announcing he’s made a poo or something. The waitress’s jaw hit the floor, and I nearly buried my face in my dinner from embarassment. She excused herself and we hardly saw her the rest of the time we were there. I tried to explain to my friend what it was that he’d done wrong, but he couldn’t grasp it at all. Funny thing is, he thinks that _I’m_ the one who says inappropriate comments constantly. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/5 "2007-04-14T19:17:47Z")
And then…penis ensued. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/6 "2007-04-14T21:28:49Z")
“Excuse me, I just dropped a load in my shorts.” “I miss my childhood, especially mom and dad fucking me to sleep.” “The government will have to pry my vibrating cock rings off of my cold dead cock.” ---
**Author:** ![Gr8Kat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gr8kat/32/18668_2.png) [@Gr8Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gr8Kat)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/7 "2007-04-14T21:45:49Z")
“I literally have hornets swarming in my brain.” Actually, I’ve had a few conversations stopped when the person I’m conversing with suddenly announces that whatever we’re talking about is evil, of the devil, against their religious beliefs, etc. It’s like a dash of cold water, and I never know what to say in response. ---
**Author:** ![Operation\_Ripper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/34f0e0/32.png) [@Operation\_Ripper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Operation_Ripper)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/8 "2007-04-14T23:15:38Z")
“… and then I killed her.” ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/9 "2007-04-14T23:24:51Z")
“That was my mother’s name.” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/10 "2007-04-14T23:30:07Z")
I had a friend who announced to all the other people sitting around the table, “Yeah, well I’ve chosen a life of celibacy.” This was at my sisters wedding. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/11 "2007-04-14T23:31:38Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] I had a friend who announced to all the other people sitting around the table, “Yeah, well I’ve chosen a life of celibacy.” This was at my sisters wedding. [/QUOTE] Was it the groom? ---
**Author:** ![Aioua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@Aioua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aioua)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/12 "2007-04-14T23:34:58Z")
“… and that’s how I got syphilis in _both_ my eyes.” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2007, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/13 "2007-04-14T23:55:43Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] Was it the groom? [/QUOTE] No such luck. My poor friend was at a table of people he’d never met. I had to sit up by the best man, so the one person he knew was far away. ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/14 "2007-04-15T00:04:41Z")
The other day a friend piped in with “One thing I had never tried before moving here was heroin.” and was met with at least 10 seconds of stunned silence. He was kidding of course (or backpedaling) but it was one of the longest conversation pauses I’ve ever experienced. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/15 "2007-04-15T00:07:45Z")
'Oh, come on! As if _I’m_ the only one at this table who has eaten human flesh! :rolleyes: ’ ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/16 "2007-04-15T00:37:22Z")
“Daddy’s penis tastes funny.” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/17 "2007-04-15T00:41:31Z")
“Well, at least that’s what the voices tell me.” Stand up, let out a scream as long and loud as you can, then sit down again, panting and glaring with fists clenched and trembling. “Like Mom always said, Incest is Best ! That’s my motto !” ---
**Author:** ![bundykala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@bundykala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bundykala)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/18 "2007-04-15T00:45:16Z")
A friend of mine likes to wait for people to start talking and then stuff her fist in her mouth to see what kind of reaction they have. She says it usually shuts people up immediately. Didn’t work when she tried it on me though, I just kept talking at her. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/19 "2007-04-15T02:29:49Z")
OK…I got one that really happened… Couple of guys sitting around a Blackjack table. One guy was black, the other was a young kid who was very drunk. Drunk White Kid: Yeah, but black people are great at dice. I ain’t NEVER going to bet against a black man at a game of dice. I hope you don’t think I’m being a racist, I’m not. I would just never bet against a black man playing dice. Black Guy (to his credit, plays it very cool): No man. I think an adult man should be able to say what’s on his mind. White Redneck Lady: **I WISH I WAS BLACK!!!** Whole Table: :::Crickets::: ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2007, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127/20 "2007-04-15T06:44:39Z")
One thing that an ex-gf of mind did, which had _everyone_ at the party staring at her in horror, even though there was nothing _really_ wrong with what she did. We’re all sitting around talking, when she casually pulls out a crispt one dollar bill, she then folds the dollar bill lengthwise evenly until it’s about 1/2 an wide. Next, she did what had all of us gaping in horror. She picked up a pair of scissors and proceeded to turn the dollar bill into those connected paper dolls. :eek: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-conversation-stoppers/400127.md?page=2)