# Classic One-Liners **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2011, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533 "2011-10-04T05:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/1 "2011-10-04T05:51:02Z")
Finish the line started in the previous post, then start a new one. “Take my wife…” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/2 "2011-10-04T05:52:02Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Finish the line started in the previous post, then start a new one. > > “Take my wife…” “Please” “I shot an elephant in my pajamas…” ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/3 "2011-10-04T06:05:22Z")
“What he was doing in my pajamas, I’ll never know.” “Outside a dog, a book is man’s best friend…” ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/4 "2011-10-04T06:38:58Z")
“…Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read!” “Friends help you move…” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/5 "2011-10-04T07:18:59Z")
“Real friends help you move bodies” “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather…” ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/6 "2011-10-04T08:04:48Z")
“… not screaming and crying like his passengers.” “Who was that lady I saw you with yesterday …” Si ---
**Author:** ![SunSandSuffering](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@SunSandSuffering](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunSandSuffering)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/7 "2011-10-04T09:39:20Z")
That was no lady, that was my wife! I’d never be a member of any club… ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/8 "2011-10-04T09:41:44Z")
…that would have me as a member. Your book is both good and original, unfortunately… ---
**Author:** ![Monkey\_Chews](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Monkey\_Chews](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monkey_Chews)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/9 "2011-10-04T11:19:37Z")
…the parts that are good are not original, and the parts that are original are not good. If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end… ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/10 "2011-10-04T12:44:02Z")
…I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. I used to be indecisive… ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/11 "2011-10-04T12:48:30Z")
…but now I’m not sure. A woman drove me to drink . . . ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/12 "2011-10-04T12:51:06Z")
, but a man drove me to murder. A penny saved… ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/13 "2011-10-04T13:45:12Z")
is a government oversight To lose one parent, may be regarded as a misfortune; ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/14 "2011-10-04T13:48:59Z")
“…To lose both looks like carelessness.” “Champagne for my real friends, and…” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/15 "2011-10-04T14:04:40Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > “…To lose both looks like carelessness.” > > “Champagne for my real friends, and…” real pain for my sham friends. I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me than… ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/16 "2011-10-04T14:50:59Z")
A full frontal lobotomy. There are 10 types of people in the world, … ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/17 "2011-10-04T15:07:49Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > A full frontal lobotomy. > > There are 10 types of people in the world, … Those who understand binary and those who don’t. They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. ---
**Author:** ![Coriolanus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coriolanus/32/18769_2.png) [@Coriolanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coriolanus)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/18 "2011-10-04T15:57:42Z")
They’re not laughing now. I once wanted to become an atheist. But I gave up ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/19 "2011-10-04T16:10:56Z")
> [@Corbomite](#): > > They’re not laughing now. > > I once wanted to become an atheist. But I gave up Thank God. Time flies like an arrow… ---
**Author:** ![Rain\_Soaked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19adc/32.png) [@Rain\_Soaked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rain_Soaked)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/20 "2011-10-04T16:12:11Z")
fruit flies like a banana. We are born naked, wet and hungry… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533.md?page=2)