# Classic One-Liners **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2011, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533 "2011-10-04T05:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/21 "2011-10-04T16:25:53Z")
then things get worse. Every man should believe in something… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/22 "2011-10-04T16:37:05Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > then things get worse. > > Every man should believe in something… I believe I’ll have another drink. Life’s a beach… ---
**Author:** ![runcible\_spoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@runcible\_spoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runcible_spoon)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/23 "2011-10-04T16:49:29Z")
… and then you drown. The last thing I want to do is hurt you… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/24 "2011-10-04T17:00:13Z")
> [@runcible\_spoon](#): > > … and then you drown. Dive, actually. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/25 "2011-10-04T17:03:39Z")
> [@runcible\_spoon](#): > > … and then you drown. > > The last thing I want to do is hurt you… But it’s still on my list. Life is like a box of chocolates… ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/26 "2011-10-04T17:35:33Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > But it’s still on my list. > > Life is like a box of chocolates… …You never know what you gonna get. Rectum?.. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/27 "2011-10-04T17:40:32Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > …You never know what you gonna get. > Rectum?.. Damn near killed 'im! You can lead a horticulture… ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/28 "2011-10-04T18:32:10Z")
… but you can’t make her think. If I was your wife, I’d put poison in your tea … ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/29 "2011-10-04T18:38:15Z")
If I was your husband, I would drink it. Winston, you are drunk again. ---
**Author:** ![si\_blakely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@si\_blakely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/si_blakely)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/30 "2011-10-04T18:48:17Z")
and you, madam, are ugly. But I will be sober in the morning. My wife has gone to the Caribbean … ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/31 "2011-10-04T18:50:10Z")
NM… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/32 "2011-10-04T18:50:39Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > If I was your husband, I would drink it. > > Winston, you are drunk again. Madame, you are ugly. In the morning I will be sober. You will still be ugly. Washington DC has all the efficiency of the south ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/33 "2011-10-04T18:56:29Z")
and all the grace of the north. The problem with Oakland is that … ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/34 "2011-10-04T19:16:30Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > and all the grace of the north. > > The problem with Oakland is that … There is no there there. Does your nose run? Do your feet smell? ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/35 "2011-10-04T19:22:57Z")
> [@si\_blakely](#): > > My wife has gone to the Caribbean … Jamaica? No, she wanted to go. (this one was forgotten) ---
**Author:** ![Rain\_Soaked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19adc/32.png) [@Rain\_Soaked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rain_Soaked)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/36 "2011-10-05T18:31:11Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > There is no there there. > > Does your nose run? Do your feet smell? You must be upside down. Marriage is not a word… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/37 "2011-10-05T18:33:08Z")
> [@Rain\_Soaked](#): > > You must be upside down. > > Marriage is not a word… …it’s a sentence. The bigger they are… ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2011, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/38 "2011-10-05T18:47:27Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > …it’s a sentence. > > The bigger they are… … the harder they fall. Time is an illusion… ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/39 "2011-10-05T19:42:06Z")
… lunchtime doubly so. You can take the girl out of the country … ---
**Author:** ![RadicalPi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/radicalpi/32/9806_2.png) [@RadicalPi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadicalPi)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/40 "2011-10-06T01:53:10Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > You can take the girl out of the country … . . . but you can’t take the country out of the girl. Colorless green ideas . . . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533.md?page=3)