# Classic One-Liners **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 4, 2011, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533 "2011-10-04T05:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/41 "2011-10-06T04:07:45Z")
> [@RadicalPi](#): > > Colorless green ideas . . . …sleep furiously All those who believe in telekinesis… ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/42 "2011-10-06T05:26:46Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > All those who believe in telekinesis… … raise my hand in the air. Thank you, I’ve had a wonderful evening … ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/43 "2011-10-06T05:34:29Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > … raise my hand in the air. > > Thank you, I’ve had a wonderful evening … . . . but this wasn’t it. You look like you were cloned from an angel. Are you sure you don’t have a little clone in you? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/44 "2011-10-06T05:40:15Z")
No? Well would you like to? Johnny, what can you make of this? ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/45 "2011-10-06T09:56:02Z")
…This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl… You look like a million dollars! ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/46 "2011-10-06T11:17:19Z")
…All green and wilted. That man deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass… ---
**Author:** ![Galileo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85e7bf/32.png) [@Galileo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Galileo)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/47 "2011-10-06T11:59:33Z")
… and I’m just the one to do it. The most important quality for becoming a success in Hollywood is sincerity. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/48 "2011-10-06T12:05:42Z")
…and if you can fake _that_, you’ve got it made. You are good, and kind… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/49 "2011-10-06T12:11:41Z")
…and do good. A naked woman walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre… ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/50 "2011-10-06T12:40:20Z")
Ah, sorry **Gyrate** - epic fail: You are good, and kind - _good for nuthin’ and kind of an arsehole._ A naked woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre… and the bartender gave her one. If I said you had a beautiful body… ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/51 "2011-10-06T12:46:29Z")
…would you hold it against me? EDIT: Forgot the other part: I’ve lost my phone number… ---
**Author:** ![enomaj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@enomaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enomaj)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2011, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/52 "2011-10-06T13:15:22Z")
Can I have yours? Is your mom a jockstrap? ---
**Author:** ![enomaj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@enomaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enomaj)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/53 "2011-10-07T09:39:24Z")
No? Well, how does she support a dick like you? Guess it’s not that classic. A man is incomplete until he is married. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/54 "2011-10-07T10:55:59Z")
And then he’s completely screwed? (WAG) Now here’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/55 "2011-10-07T11:41:25Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > And then he’s completely screwed? (WAG) And then he’s finished. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/56 "2011-10-07T13:28:29Z")
Make that: Here\* comes\* the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Man, I can’t even tell half a one-liner without messing up. ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/57 "2011-10-07T14:19:51Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > Make that: > > Here\* comes\* the moment we’ve all been waiting for. > > Man, I can’t even tell half a one-liner without messing up. And there it goes. This is not a book to be set aside lightly. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/58 "2011-10-07T15:07:42Z")
> [@Satchmo](#): > > This is not a book to be set aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. I was fighting for your honor… ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/59 "2011-10-07T15:35:25Z")
Which is more than you ever did. Women might be able to fake orgasms. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533/60 "2011-10-07T16:06:12Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > Women might be able to fake orgasms. Men can fake whole relationships. We don’t serve faster than light neutrinos in this establishment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-one-liners/598533.md?page=4)