# Classic Pit Threads **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 1, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567 "2009-09-01T23:47:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/1 "2009-09-01T23:47:50Z")
Most pit-threads are personal spleen vents, RO’s, or pile-ons. Nothing for the ages. People post, curse, wish painful anal rape on people they disagree with, and the thread is forgotten. Then there are the Pittings that rise above the fray and achieve true greatness (or threadspotting, which is similar). I’m thinking of **Cervaise** ’s telemarketer rant, or **Sauron** ’s encounter with the Emperor of the World. Those sort of threads. What, in your opinion, are some of the best, well-written, most interesting pit threads in posts of yore? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/2 "2009-09-02T14:02:16Z")
Was _The Terror of Blimps_ a Pit thread, or MPSIMS? Ed: [_The Horror of Blimps_](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=160851), by Scylla ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/3 "2009-09-02T14:06:07Z")
What Scuba Ben said, The Horror of Blimps is definitely one of the best. Here’s a link for [Sauron vs Emperor of the World](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=152737) ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/4 "2009-09-02T14:40:29Z")
Two words: **Prehensile Rectum**. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/5 "2009-09-02T15:19:58Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Two words: **Prehensile Rectum**. You read my mind. Here’s the link: [Another bathroom etiquette memo: Do you have a prehensile rectum? - The BBQ Pit - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=80957) ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/6 "2009-09-02T17:43:00Z")
We had a consultant come into our business one day. Towards the end of the day, she got up to use the bathroom. Shit ensued. Then she went back to work. The consultants leave an hour before everyone else does. So when she left, somoene sat on the chair she was using at the desk in the main room of the office. The chair had shit on it. She managed to get the shit out of the bathroom and into the main room. You can just imagine what condition the bathroom was like. Anyway, we made fun of her for a while but, it turned out that on the same day she was admitted to a hospital because of a brain tumor. Moral of the story? Shit happens. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2009, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/7 "2009-09-03T02:19:26Z")
Back in the Good Old Days, the Doper **jarbabyj** , a.k.a. **tiny ham** , used to grace the Pit with some wonderful profanity-laden rants. You inspired me to go searching for them, to see if I could find any good ones. Here’s a few I found: [Once more…WITH FEELING](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=68088) [Hit Me! Or better yet…Hit YOU](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=86294) [Cheap fucking thrills on the red line train](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=145421) [We’re Living IN A SOCIETY](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=118010) One of the all-time classic infamous Pit threads, **not** because it was well-written, but because it was full of good surreal, incoherent crazy, is [The rock in the box: I burning your dog](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=203185) ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/8 "2018-05-16T16:36:36Z")
> [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > Was _The Terror of Blimps_ a Pit thread, or MPSIMS? > > Ed: [_The Horror of Blimps_](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=160851), by Scylla OH - MY - GOD!! My ribs!! My boss just asked me, “What’s going on over there?!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/9 "2018-05-16T17:09:48Z")
I didn’t notice this was is an old thread and the first thing that came to my mind is the thread I mentioned when it was first posted nine years ago ; Prehensile Rectum. Rereading it is making me crack up as hard as the first time. What I failed to notice the first time around is the OP about shit is written by someone called _Billy Rubin_😛 Did everyone but me get the joke back then? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/10 "2018-05-16T18:17:35Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > You read my mind. Here’s the link: [Another bathroom etiquette memo: Do you have a prehensile rectum? - The BBQ Pit - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=80957) Please, don’t miss Borborygmi’s post #27 in that thread. I’m _crying_. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/11 "2018-05-16T18:21:42Z")
> [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > Was _The Terror of Blimps_ a Pit thread, or MPSIMS? > > Ed: [_The Horror of Blimps_](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=160851), by Scylla Yes, great Op. But honestly, that really should have been in MPSIMS. There are no good Pit threads. The Pit is where reason goes to die. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/12 "2018-05-16T19:19:26Z")
Not one mention of the Oh So Popular It Had to Be Locked [_The Telemarketer Speaks. I respond_](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=51270)? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/13 "2018-05-16T19:22:14Z")
Since this thread has been sorta revived, here’s one I’m tempted to link to every time someone mentions “Santa Clause”: By the late, great **Polycarp** : [A Visit From St. Nicholouse, Or I Pit Lazy/Stupid Spellers](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=399123) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2018, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-pit-threads/508567/14 "2018-05-16T20:30:29Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Since this thread has been sorta revived, here’s one I’m tempted to link to every time someone mentions “Santa Clause”: > > By the late, great **Polycarp** : [A Visit From St. Nicholouse, Or I Pit Lazy/Stupid Spellers](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=399123) You can’t-a fool me - there ain’t no Sanity Clause. No such thread is complete without the epic [Beryl\_Mooncalf Pitting](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=211820) by none other than the immortal **Bricker**. It starts off weird, moves quickly into lunacy, and then it gets interesting. Regards, Shodan