# Classic "Yo' momma" Jokes
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [October 26, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855 "2001-10-26T20:20:55Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/1 "2001-10-26T20:20:55Z")
[disclaimer]This is definately mundane and pointless, but I think it fits better in the pit. I understand if it needs to be moved to MPSIMS[/disclaimer]
Give me the best ones you’ve heard. I’ll start with a few, just to get things warmed up:
_Your mother’s so fat, her yearbook picture was an arial photograph._
_Your Mother’s like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn._
_Your Mother’s like a race car, she burns four rubbers a day._
DaLovin’ Dj
---
### Author:  [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/2 "2001-10-26T20:23:56Z")
I called your momma a two bit whore and she threw a roll of quarters at me.
---
### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/3 "2001-10-26T20:45:34Z")
“Your mother is so fat, she’s on both sides of the family”
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### Author:  [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/4 "2001-10-26T20:59:58Z")
Your mother is just like a bowling ball. You pick her up, finger her, throw her down into the alley, and she comes back for more.
---
### Author:  [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/5 "2001-10-26T21:06:04Z")
Yo’ momma’s so fat that when her pager goes off, people think she’s backing up.
Yo’ momma’s so dumb, it takes her an hour to cook Minute Rice.
Yo’ momma’s so dumb, She changed your diapers once a month, because it said on the box, “Good for up to Twenty Pounds”
---
### Author:  [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/6 "2001-10-26T21:07:58Z")
yo momma’s glasses are so thick she can look into a map and see people waving at her.
yo momma’s got an afro with a chin strap
yo momma’s got a glass eye with a fish in it
you said your moms was pretty and young but she’s old as dirt and got hair on her tongue
yo momma’s got a peg leg with a kick stand
And some others:
Yo momma so old her social security number is one.
Yo momma so hairy they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
Yo momma so fat her blood type is ragu.
–What the difference between yo momma and a trash can?
–The garbage men will pick up a trash can.
---
### Author:  [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/7 "2001-10-26T21:11:42Z")
Yo’ momma’s so fat she wakes up in sections.
Yo’ momma’s so fat she has to go to Sea World to get baptized.
Yo’ momma’s so fat she was born on the 10th, 11th, and 12th of April.
Yo’ momma’s so dumb that she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
Yo’ momma’s so dumb it takes her two hours to watch _60 Minutes_.
Yo momma’s so dumb, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W’s.
---
### Author:  [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/8 "2001-10-26T21:16:18Z")
Wow, **Atreyu** , I would never have suspected you had such a talent for “Yo mamma” jokes!
---
### Author:  [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/9 "2001-10-26T22:04:26Z")
Yo mama’s so fat, when she hauls ass it takes two trips.
---
### Author:  [@Dirty\_Earthworm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Earthworm)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/10 "2001-10-26T22:07:15Z")
Yo momma’s so fat, she plays hopscotch like this: (pantomiming a waddling/jumping motion) Maine, New Jersey, New York, Virginia …
Yo momma’s so stupid I asked her, “So how does dinner sound?” She said “Din-ner.” (OK, that was has to be heard to be funny I think.)
Yo momma’s so stupid, I was gonna take her to go see that movie Malcolm X, and she asked “What about Malcolm 1 through 9?”
Yo momma’s so fat, when I went to fuck her I had to roll her in flower and go for the wet spot.
Yo momma’s teeth so yellow, she spits butter/when she smiles, traffic slows down.
Yo momma’s so fat, she bleeds Crisco.
Yo mommas so fat, she sweats gravy.
Um, that’s all i can think of. Enjoy. Yo momma did.
-Syko
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” - Ralph Wiggum
---
### Author:  [@johnboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnboy)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/11 "2001-10-26T22:23:07Z")
Yo Mamma so fat when she put on her BVDs is spells BOULEVAAAAAAAARD!
Apologies to Chris Rock (who ROCKS, BTW)
---
### Author:  [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/12 "2001-10-26T22:24:57Z")
You’re momma’s so old, someone told her to act to her age and she dropped dead.
You’re momma’s so stupid, she sat on the TV and watched the coutch.
You’re momma’s so stupid, she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
You’re momma’s so stupid, someone told her to take out the trash, so she moved out of the house.
You’re momma’s so fat, when she gets on a scale it says “To be continued”.
You’re momma’s so fat, it took two hours to download her pitcure off the internet.
You’re momma’s so fat, after we had sex, I rolled over twice but still couldn’t get off the bitch.
---
### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/13 "2001-10-26T22:28:02Z")
Your momma smokes more meat than Hickory Farms!
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### Author:  [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/14 "2001-10-26T23:38:41Z")
yo mamas so fat when we have sex I have to slap her thigh and ride the wave in.
yo mamas so dense she has her own gavitational pull.
yo mama is so fat when she goes outside in a red dress the neighborhood kids all yell “HEY KOOL-AID!”
yo mamas so fat her ass looks like to pigs fighting in a blanket when she walks.
(make a fist and punch your other hand so it makes a loud smacking noise several times) know what that sound is? thats the sound my ballsack makes slamming into the rim of your mamas ass.
ok that was foul, so sue me
---
### Author:  [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/15 "2001-10-26T23:43:24Z")
Yo’ momma’s so old that when she was in school, they didn’t have history.
Yo’ momma is so dumb that when took the Pepsi Challenge, she chose Jif. _(This is an old one, I know, but it killed me the first time I heard it.)_
Yo’ momma is so fat that whenever she takes a bath she makes her own gravy.
---
### Author:  [@King\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/King_Rat)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/16 "2001-10-27T00:25:06Z")
Yo mamma’s so fat…
When she hauls butt she has to make two trips.
When she was diagnosed with a flesh eating virus, the doctor gave her 13 years to live
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard
Her driver’s license says, “Picture continued on other side.”
The back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs
All the restaurants in town have signs that say: “Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mamma.”
When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
She was born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
When she crosses the street, cars look out for her
When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn’t get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Her belly button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters
When she was in school, they had to transport her lunch money by armored car.
We she went to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade 30 guys tried to tie tow ropes to her.
I don’t know many other women who consider a feed bag a fashion accessory.
Vandals keep spray painting greyhounds on hher sides.
---
### Author:  [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/17 "2001-10-27T01:14:59Z")
Yo momma’s so poor,
–her fridge opens to the backyard.
–when I went to her house and stepped on a smoldering cigarette, she came out hollering, “Who turned off the heat?”
---
### Author:  [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/18 "2001-10-27T02:23:31Z")
Yo momma’s so hairy, bigfoot takes pictures of _her_ !
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### Author:  [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/19 "2001-10-27T03:28:06Z")
Yo momma’s so fat…
```
her home movies are in Cinemascope.
she needs a tugbboat to take a bath.
when she died they couldn't cremate her - they just melted her down and ran McDonald's for a year.
she uses a trampoline for a diaphram.
she could breastfeed Canada.
the Lane Bryant clerk told her to get an upholsterer instead.
she skipped dessert one day and Sara Lee went bankrupt.
```
---
### Author:  [@Revedge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revedge)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/classic-yo-momma-jokes/89855/20 "2001-10-27T03:42:33Z")
The difference between yo’ momma and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball and if you have to, you can eat the bowling ball.
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