# Clerks Fans: Post Your Favorite Line From the Film-Possible (I Mean Likely) Profanity **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 7, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584 "2005-01-07T16:27:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/1 "2005-01-07T16:27:28Z")
Over the years, there’ve been several **Clerks** threads in Cafe Society, namely:[ul] [li][Clerks: Is Randall an homage to Tarantino?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=273009) by AdmiralCrunch[/li][li][Director Kevin Smith plans ‘Clerks’ sequel](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=273425) by Necro Romancer[/li][li][Clerks Q (poss spoilers)](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=199485)[/li][li][So ABC pulled the plug on Clerks… well, FUCK!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=27040) by vandal[/ul][/li]In my opinion, with Kevin Smith’s Clerks, there are a few constants. Some you’re aware of & will agree with – and some you won’t. a) For starters, some people like the film and others hate it. In that polarizing regard, it pretty much has the same effect as Memento does. b) Secondly, the quality of the script far\* outweighs the quality of the acting (\*=understatement of 2005) c) IFC will be broadcasting it next Saturday (1/15/05) and that following Wednesady (1/19/05). d) The film’s [script is available online](http://www.allmoviescripts.com/scripts/19858343303f343410b98d9.html) (At [AMS.com](http://AMS.com) as a reference: like lyrics) Here in 2005, on the 10th annniversary of the movie’s release, I think it’s about time we have a Clerks diaglogue appreciation thread. There are 3 ruless to posting here: 1. You can only include part of dialogue. 2. You can’t post the same lines someone else already posted 3. Your post has to be from the film Clerks or the Y2K animated version (Not from such sources as The Grocery Clerk’s Romance (1912), The Mischievous Clerks (1901), The Night Clerk’s Nightmare (1912), The Clerk’s Downfall (1910), Clerks of Darkness (1999) or Fellow Clerks (1909). To officially open this thread, I’d like to nominate > [@\#1](#): > > DANTE: Yeah. Like you said, you know. I guess everyone tries (sucking their own dick), sooner or later. > RANDAL: I never tried it. I just wish I knew why that line continues to kill me everytime I hear it. ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/2 "2005-01-07T16:43:33Z")
“In a row?” ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/3 "2005-01-07T16:56:53Z")
“try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!!” “Hey, get back here” ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/4 "2005-01-07T16:57:10Z")
DANTE : You hate people. RANDAL : But I love gatherings. Isn’t it ironic? ---
**Author:** ![velveeta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/13edae/32.png) [@velveeta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velveeta)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/5 "2005-01-07T17:02:57Z")
“Man goes into the cage; cage goes into the salsa; shark’s in the salsa; our shark.” and CUSTOMER Cute cat. What’s its name? RANDAL Annoying Customer. Happy Scrappy! ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/6 "2005-01-07T17:29:32Z")
Well, the parking lot line is already out, so I’m going with my second fav: RANDAL: Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight. This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/7 "2005-01-07T17:32:40Z")
**Randall** :_ordering movies_ :C_nt Licking Bridal Whores; C_m sucking rim riders; Kitty does kiev; The little whore that could; I like it hard and wet; Amateur Midget’s take over my anus; Anal wonders; Charlie and and Chocolate factory: Hot’Rod’in Pipe layers ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/8 "2005-01-07T17:38:09Z")
Dante’s immortal line: “I’M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!!” Annoying matronly customer: “I’m never coming to this store again!” Randall: “You’ll be missed.” Cartoon Dante: “There’s way too much plot happening outside”. Random crazy cartoon guy: “Go, Sexy Randall the Pharoah Wizard!” ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/9 "2005-01-07T17:42:58Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > 1. Your post has to be from the film Clerks or the Y2K animated version > (Not from such sources as The Grocery Clerk’s Romance (1912), The Mischievous Clerks (1901), The Night Clerk’s Nightmare (1912), The Clerk’s Downfall (1910), Clerks of Darkness (1999) or Fellow Clerks (1909) What about _Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back_, or the Dante & Randall shorts from _The Tonight Show_? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/10 "2005-01-07T17:56:02Z")
> [@Phlosphr](#): > > **Randall** :_ordering movies_ > :C_nt Licking Bridal Whores; > C_m sucking rim riders; > Kitty does kiev; > The little whore that could; > I like it hard and wet; > Amateur Midget’s take over my anus; > Anal wonders; > Charlie and and Chocolate factory: Hot’Rod’in Pipe layers I’m hideously embarrassed to be able to call you on that. You made those up, didn’t you? Or did they come from the animated series, which I never got to see? In the film, Randall’s order sheet reads: (Gawd, I simply cannot post this with out a spoiler-box, even in a profanity labeled thread!) Whisper in the Wind, To Each His Own, Put it Where It Doesn’t Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning, All Tit-Fucking, Volume Eight, I Need Your Cock, Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers, My Cunt and Eight Shafts, Cum Clean, Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts, Cum Buns Three, Cumming in a Sock, Cum on Eileen, Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum, Slam It Up My Too-Loose Ass, Ass Blasters in Outer Space, Blowjobs by Betsy, Sucking Cock and Cunt, Finger My Ass, Play with my Puss, Three on a Dildo, Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls Who Crave Cunt, Men Alone Two-The K.Y. Connection, Pink Pussy Lips, and All Holes Filled with Hard Cock. And, of course, Happy Scrappy - Hero Pup. ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/11 "2005-01-07T18:13:36Z")
For me, it’s not so much the dialogue during the Randall/Dante discussion of sucking their own dicks, it’s hearing “Shooting Star” playing over it in the background. Bunch of savages in this town. ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/12 "2005-01-07T18:22:22Z")
OTMH: Ya know, there are a lot of fine women in the world, but not all of them will bring you lasagna. Most of them just cheat on you. From the Script: [http://www.allmoviescripts.com/scripts/19858343303f343410b98d9.html](http://www.allmoviescripts.com/scripts/19858343303f343410b98d9.html) You know, there’s a million fine- looking women in the world, but they don’t all bring you lasagne at work. Most of them just cheat on you. Not too bad. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/13 "2005-01-07T18:32:40Z")
**WhyNot** - yes those are made up. I have not seen the movie in awhile, but I do remember Randall spouting off the XXX titles with a woman and her daughter standing right there. That was quite amusing. I just wanted to see how many I could come up with on my own. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/14 "2005-01-07T18:35:03Z")
Bob’s cousing **Olaf** : “My love for you is like a truck (Berserker)… Would you like some making fuck (Berserker)…” **Dante** : “Sometimes it’s best to let those hard to reach chips go.” ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/15 "2005-01-07T18:36:55Z")
**Jay:** I feel good today, Silent Bob, we’re gonna make some money, then you know what we’re going to do? We’re gonna go to that party, and we’re gonna get some pussy, and I’m gonna fuck this bitch, and fuck this bitch, I’ll fuck ANYTHING THAT MOVES! **Olaf Oleeson:** [singing] My love for you is like a truck, BERZERKER! Would you like some making fuck, BERZERKER! ---
**Author:** ![Phelan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Phelan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phelan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/16 "2005-01-07T18:45:02Z")
Randel: “Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.” is my pick. Also, I noticed this line below: SMOKER: (grabbing matches) “See? It’s important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That’s why I kill Chinamen for the railroad.” I could’ve sworn he said a different job in the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/17 "2005-01-07T18:45:26Z")
**Randal** : _37!?_ **Some Extra** : _Did he say “making fuck”?_ (twice, on preview) **Randal** : _No time for love, Dr. Jones!_ ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/18 "2005-01-07T18:48:17Z")
1. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/19 "2005-01-07T18:51:18Z")
> [@Phelan](#): > > Randel: “Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.” is my pick. > > Also, I noticed this line below: > > SMOKER: > > (grabbing matches) > "See? It’s important to have a job > > that makes a difference, boys. > That’s why I kill Chinamen for the > railroad." > > I could’ve sworn he said a different job in the movie. That’s 'cause the scene was different. It wasn’t a smoker, it was (damn, I’m blanking on her name, but we found out several movies later who it was) who “manually masterbates caged animals for artificial insemination.” Other than that, the dialogue for that section is the same. That site must be working off a script; it’s not a transcription of the movie. Reviewing my own movie title monologue, I don’t actually remember “Slam It Up My Too-Loose Ass” through “Three on a Dildo” being in the movie. I think those were cut while the shot switched to the girl and her mother. ---
**Author:** ![Phelan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Phelan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phelan)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2005, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584/20 "2005-01-07T19:01:15Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > That’s 'cause the scene was different. It wasn’t a smoker, it was (damn, I’m blanking on her name, but we found out several movies later who it was) who “manually masterbates caged animals for artificial insemination.” > > Other than that, the dialogue for that section is the same. Thanks for clearing that up, and thanks for making me laugh. That is one funny line! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clerks-fans-post-your-favorite-line-from-the-film-possible-i-mean-likely-profanity/283584.md?page=2)