# Clever, funny lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2013, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270 "2013-06-30T16:07:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jharvey963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/54ee81/32.png) [@jharvey963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharvey963)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2013, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/1 "2013-06-30T16:07:11Z")
I just read this clever line in a Detective pot-boiler set in Bangkok. “Thailand’s history may not repeat itself but it certainly rhymed.” 🙂 Got any clever funny lines you’d like to share? J. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2013, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/2 "2013-06-30T16:46:32Z")
> [@jharvey963](#): > > “Thailand’s history may not repeat itself but it certainly rhymed.” 🙂 > . I… don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![jharvey963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/54ee81/32.png) [@jharvey963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharvey963)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/3 "2013-06-30T17:40:18Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I… don’t get it. Maybe I didn’t give enough context. In the story, the news was reporting that there had been a coup. Yet to the average person, there was no evidence of this. In most of the city there were no soldiers, tanks, etc. Everything was just proceeding as it always did. Another ex-pat was talking to the main character and the main character was espousing the theory that Thailand never really changed much. The people in power began to get a little too greedy and didn’t spread around the spoils enough, so another group of people slapped them down and took over. Eventually, the new group would get too greedy and another group would slap them down, etc., etc. So the statement in the OP was referring to this cycle. Maybe I have an odd sense of humor, or maybe it’s just one of those “you had to have been there” moments… J. ---
**Author:** ![11811](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/9d8465/32.png) [@11811](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/11811)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/4 "2013-07-01T02:11:29Z")
I heard a variation of that on the show “Prime Suspect.” ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/5 "2013-07-01T05:23:06Z")
It’s been attributed to Twain, but the actual source is unknown. [Talk:History - Wikiquote](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Talk:History) ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/6 "2013-07-01T07:01:52Z")
“I fold like a hooker that’s been punched in the gut by a fat guy with sores on his face.” Joey Tribbiani, Friends, “The One With All The Poker.” “You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.” Inigo Montoya, “The Princess Bride” “Musing on the idea of setting someone on fire doesn’t mean you _really_ want to set them on fire - it’s just a thought that makes you happy. Only for a second, because then you feel bad - but that second can be a lot of fun!” Olive Snook, “Pushing Daisies” ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/7 "2013-07-01T07:06:26Z")
“I don’t positively hate you all of the time.” – _The Razor’s Edge_, by Somerset Maugham. ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/8 "2013-07-01T09:09:58Z")
“Hope stirred in its winding sheet.” PG Wodehouse ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/9 "2013-07-01T12:40:06Z")
A friend of mine referred to a seeing a woman of negotiable virtue in a local park getting “nailed against a tree like a missing cat poster”. I thought that was a great simile, but I have no idea if it was original 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/10 "2013-07-01T12:51:33Z")
From Ring Lardner: “Are you lost, daddy?” I asked tenderly. “Shut up” he explained. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/11 "2013-07-01T13:07:08Z")
Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man,One Vote. The Patrician was the Man, he had the Vote. describing Lord Vetinari, absolute ruler of Ankh-Morpork - from the Discworld of Terry Pratchett ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/12 "2013-07-01T14:18:51Z")
One of the Narnia chronicles starts out with: “There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.” ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/13 "2013-07-01T14:34:30Z")
From Doc Martin: A Doctor/patient liaison arrives from the NHS to investigate Doc Martin’s bedside manner (he has none). He starts explaining how important it is to listen to patients. Doc nods interestedly, looks at him, says, “Let me stop you right there,” and walks away. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/14 "2013-07-01T15:42:02Z")
“I’m too fucking busy, and vice versa.” - Dorothy Parker ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/15 "2013-07-01T16:20:06Z")
In a (sadly late) friend’s fanfic, referring to a guy with varied and prodigious sexual tastes: “The crack of dawn had to be careful around him.” Google says it’s not original, but it was the first time I’d seen it and it made me chuckle. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/16 "2013-07-01T16:42:52Z")
Reincarnation: Life sucks, then you die, then life sucks again. [QUOTE=Abraham Lincoln] Tell me what brand he drinks, and I will send a barrel to each of my other generals! [/QUOTE] Upon being told that General Grant drinks a lot. > [@](#): > > You had to hand it to Lord Vetinari, if you didn’t he’d send large men to come and take it anyway. Discworld series. > [@](#): > > “Scripture also says ‘Render unto Caesar what Caesar demands.’ And right now, Caesar demands a building permit.” County Commission Chairman Mike Whitehead, to some creationists who insisted that they don’t need such a permit to build their “creationist museum”. > [@](#): > > "Like distilled madness, the ghastly white fluid was of a viscous quality quite unlike anything that could truly be called ‘liquid’ by contemporary man. > > This pseudo-fluid was contained, yet not contained, within a transparent barrier like the purest ice, yet its temperature was not cool. This container was not a square, but a thing of unnaturally precise curves." From another forum; how HP Lovecraft would describe a glass of milk. ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/17 "2013-07-01T17:12:37Z")
> [@epbrown01](#): > > “I fold like a hooker that’s been punched in the gut by a fat guy with sores on his face.” Joey Tribbiani, Friends, “The One With All The Poker.” “She said you’d fold faster than Superman on laundry day” – Bart Simpson “The PTA Disbands” ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/18 "2013-07-01T17:24:13Z")
> [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](#): > > “Hope stirred in its winding sheet.” > PG Wodehouse Wodehouse, small slimy creatures subcatagory: “It was one of those still evenings you get in the summer, when you can hear a **snail** clear its throat a mile away.” “Big chap with a small moustache and the sort of eye that could open an **oyster** at sixty paces.” “I pity the **shrimp** that matches wits with you Jeeves” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/19 "2013-07-01T20:51:14Z")
“What do you mean, _casual_ sex? This is my best shirt!” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Running\_with\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Running\_with\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Running_with_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270/20 "2013-07-01T21:41:05Z")
“I was by the age of thirty, if not a pillar, at least a flying buttress of bourgeois society” -TC Boyle, Budding Prospects [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-funny-lines/662270.md?page=2)