# Clever Jokes: (Could some of you explain some of them to me) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 11, 2014, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325 "2014-08-11T20:07:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/61 "2014-08-22T07:50:57Z")
I heard this one the other day: Q: What’s purple and commutes? A: An abelian grape. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/62 "2014-08-22T15:10:02Z")
> [@PorchePine](#): > > A take-off of the other “two types of people in the world” jokes. Not a clever one though. > > Many motels have adjoining rooms. Basically a door between two different rooms, both locking from respective sides. If two people were traveling together, they’d get adjoining rooms and open the doors. The result–one big room. > > The joke is they don’t know what’s on the [other side of the door.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=731609) I followed that link. The last time something like that came to mind was when I saw an episode of Perry Mason in which Perry and Paul went to a house and opened a closet door, and a corpse fell out! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/63 "2014-08-22T15:23:18Z")
> [@PorchePine](#): > > There’s 3 types of people in this world: Those who can count and those who can’t. There are 10 types of people in the world - those who understand binary, and those who don’t. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2014, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/64 "2014-08-22T23:03:38Z")
A nice Chess joke from the Cuban master Jose Raul Capablanca: "I was playing in a tournament in Germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement… ‘I’ve solved chess!’ I sensibly started to back away in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: ‘I’ll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.’ Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room. Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. ‘I’ve worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.’ I played with black perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white’s pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move! I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn’t possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room. Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail. It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins." About this time Capablanca’s friends would break in, saying “Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?” “Why, we killed him, of course.” * * * Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies, “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says, “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.” ---
**Author:** ![BrianJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/54ee81/32.png) [@BrianJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrianJ)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2014, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/65 "2014-08-24T12:51:33Z")
> [@PorchePine](#): > > There’s 3 types of people in this world: Those who can count and those who can’t. No no, there ate 10 types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don’t. And ninja’d. heh ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2014, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/66 "2014-08-24T13:37:02Z")
> [@3trew](#): > > This thread needs more jokes. My personal favourite: > > Q: Who lead the Pedant’s Revolt? > > A: Which Tyler. That’s “Who l **e** d the Pedant **s’** Revolt?”. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2014, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/67 "2014-08-25T06:39:49Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > I always took the “2 kinds of people: those who divide people into 2 groups and those who don’t” as a subtle slam at the idea that life is so simple the entirety of people can be neatly divided into two groups. > > Or - “If you think you can divide people into only 2 groups, you are a fool”. There are 2 types of people in the world: those who appreciate a self-referential, recursive joke, and those who dig until they find some negative implication in it. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2014, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/68 "2014-08-25T14:17:19Z")
Astrologers try to divide people into \* twelve \* groups; that, of course, is hardly the worst part of it. ---
**Author:** ![PorchePine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@PorchePine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PorchePine)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/69 "2014-08-25T20:41:15Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > Astrologers try to divide people into \* twelve \* groups; that, of course, is hardly the worst part of it. I don’t believe in Astrology. I’m a Libra, and we tend to be skeptical. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/70 "2014-08-26T01:47:17Z")
Explain the chess joke, please. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/71 "2014-08-26T02:00:28Z")
> [@PorchePine](#): > > I don’t believe in Astrology. I’m a Libra, and we tend to be skeptical. …Like Truman Capote and Mickey Mantle. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/72 "2014-08-26T07:21:03Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Explain the chess joke, please. The greatest chess players in the world have stumbled across someone who has found a proof that the game is a bust - that one side always wins in a fixed number of moves against any defence with correct play. He’s made chess pointless at one single stroke. Since they’re champion chess players, they want this knowledge hushed up… permanently. Then they can get back to playing chess tournaments for money. ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/73 "2014-08-26T07:42:57Z")
I’ve told this one before, probably here, even, but since the topic of chess jokes comes up so seldom…what did Bobby Fischer and Chuck Knoblauch have in common? e4 all the time. I think I told it in the present tense originally. ---
**Author:** ![Personal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Personal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Personal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/74 "2014-08-26T08:19:13Z")
Can someone explain Bobby Fischer’s connection to second base? Or perhaps I’m not schooled enough in the history of Bobby Fischer to know his 4th-move error. ---
**Author:** ![Personal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Personal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Personal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/75 "2014-08-26T08:25:36Z")
Edit. His e4 error. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/76 "2014-08-26T08:30:11Z")
> [@Personal](#): > > Edit. His e4 error. That doesn’t mean it’s an error. As White, Fischer was proverbially a “pawn to King four” player - that is, whenever he had first move, he always played the same one. In short algebraic notation that’s just written as “1. e4”. It actually caused quite a stir when he played pawn to Queen four (1. d4) against Spassky in their world championship match. Who the other guy is and what e4 means in his case I couldn’t begin to tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/77 "2014-08-26T08:34:06Z")
> [@Isilder](#): > > Probably… Or most obviously. It might be that the logicians have some pre-arranged rules that they are following , ala other puzzles which feature three logicians making deductions based upon the other doing something, or failing to do something… > > When you realise its a close, its not that funny. There is no actual joke. Its perfectly mundane answering. It is perfectly mundane answering (the first logician wants a drink but does not know what the other two want, so cannot give either a definite “Yes” or “No” to the question; the second logician can deduce that the first logician does want a drink, but still cannot answer a definite “Yes” or “No”; the third logician then has enough information for a definite answer) but the reason this is funny is that most people would not reason or answer this way. “I don’t know” in this context is the exact logical equivalent for “I sure do, but I don’t know if those who haven’t answered yet also do”. ---
**Author:** ![Personal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Personal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Personal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/78 "2014-08-26T08:51:36Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > That doesn’t mean it’s an error. As White, Fischer was proverbially a “pawn to King four” player - that is, whenever he had first move, he always played the same one. In short algebraic notation that’s just written as “1. e4”. It actually caused quite a stir when he played pawn to Queen four (1. d4) against Spassky in their world championship match. Who the other guy is and what e4 means in his case I couldn’t begin to tell you. Point taken, although pawn to q4 as white doesn’t seem to me to be that big of a deal, and Spasky wasn’t that thrown. I’ve looked at a possible Fischer-Knoblauch relationship from several angles, and other than both are white males who engaged in a competitive endeavor, I do not see a connection. Although if I were told that Bobby Fischer subscribed to human growth hormone, I would not argue the point, given his reported behavior at times. Of course, I’m probably missing something obvious and will feel pretty small once it’s revealed! ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/79 "2014-08-26T08:57:38Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > … Who the other guy is and what e4 means in his case I couldn’t begin to tell you. Chuck Knoblaugh was a star 2nd Baseman for the New York Yankees in the late '90’s, when he developed a case of the “yips”. For some reason, he couldn’t complete the simple task of throwing the ball to the 1st Baseman after fielding a ball. As a result, he was saddled with countless errors. e4 is the notation on a baseball scorecard for an error by a 2nd Baseman. e stands for error and 4 is the position of the 2nd Baseman. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325/80 "2014-08-26T09:06:01Z")
An excellent explanation which covers everything to me, a typical non-baseball-watching Brit. Which I think should clear things up: both were proverbially associated with the notation “e4”. Spassky may not have been thrown by Fischer’s departure from form, but all observers were surely thinking that this would have tossed a big spanner into Spassky’s preparations, and for those who think it’s not that big of a deal, that’s because you and I both play at the level where, regardless of opening, the game is going to be decided on someone’s crass mistake. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-jokes-could-some-of-you-explain-some-of-them-to-me/695325.md?page=5)