# Clever one-liners that nobody got **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 16, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000 "2009-10-16T05:44:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/1 "2009-10-16T05:44:24Z")
I think we’ve had a thread like this before but why not start it again. I had a good joke opportunity today that was sadly wasted on people that didn’t get it so I wanted to share. We were in a physics lab, using force gauges for an experiment. The instructor was explaining how the devices are sensitive and if you apply to much force to the apparatus the display screen reads “HELP”. I immediately said (such that my table mates could hear): “Help, help, I’m being pressed!” Just drew blank stares. ☹ I explained it to them later, but you know about jokes and explaining. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/2 "2009-10-16T12:12:59Z")
I used fabric paint on a black sweatshirt to draw the Witch of Agnesi construction > **[Witch of Agnesi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch_of_Agnesi)** > > In mathematics, the witch of Agnesi (Italian pronunciation: \[aɲˈɲeːzi, -eːsi; -ɛːzi\]) is a cubic plane curve defined from two diametrically opposite points of a circle. It gets its name from Italian mathematician Maria Gaetana Agnesi, and from a mistranslation of an Italian word for a sailing sheet. Before Agnesi, the same curve was studied by Fermat, Grandi, and Newton. > The graph of the derivative of the arctangent function forms an example of the witch of Agnesi. As the probability density f... Underneath I wrote out **The Witch of Agnesi Project** in lettering like this. I even modified the construction to look like the “stick Man”: [http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%3Fei%3DUTF-8%26p%3Dthe%2BBlair%2BWitch%2BProject%2Blogo&w=250&h=356&imgurl=www.emerchandise.com%2Fimages%2Fp%2FBWP%2FpdCPBWP0002.jpg&size=9.8kB&name=pdCPBWP0002+jpg&rcurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.emerchandise.com%2Fproduct%2FCPBWP0002%2FA7545&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.emerchandise.com%2Fproduct%2FCPBWP0002%2FA7545&p=blair+witch+project+logo&type=jpeg&no=3&tt=26&oid=4f470b5ee18048d2&tit=pdCPBWP0002+jpg&sigr=11j0cjcf1&sigi=11hl1dpib&sigb=126ehg4a1](http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%3Fei%3DUTF-8%26p%3Dthe%2BBlair%2BWitch%2BProject%2Blogo&w=250&h=356&imgurl=www.emerchandise.com%2Fimages%2Fp%2FBWP%2FpdCPBWP0002.jpg&size=9.8kB&name=pdCPBWP0002+jpg&rcurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.emerchandise.com%2Fproduct%2FCPBWP0002%2FA7545&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.emerchandise.com%2Fproduct%2FCPBWP0002%2FA7545&p=blair+witch+project+logo&type=jpeg&no=3&tt=26&oid=4f470b5ee18048d2&tit=pdCPBWP0002+jpg&sigr=11j0cjcf1&sigi=11hl1dpib&sigb=126ehg4a1) _Nobody_ got it. I wore it on Halloween. I wore it to Science Fiction Conventions. I wore it around MIT. Nada. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/3 "2009-10-16T12:49:45Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > I used fabric paint on a black sweatshirt to draw the Witch of Agnesi construction > [Witch of Agnesi - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch_of_Agnesi) Wasn’t that a while back? Hey, I got it! And we were in Salem at the time! Last week I was trying to cross the street, but a trolley was stopped right across the crosswalk so the driver could change tracks. It forced pedestrians to walk way around it in sort of a dangerous way. I mentioned to a woman behind me “Someone should give this guy a ticket.” She just looked at me, really confused, and said “Really?” Okaaaaay… “Well look at this horrible parking job!” THAT made her laugh. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/4 "2009-10-16T13:01:45Z")
> [@](#): > > Wasn’t that a while back? Hey, I got it! And we were in Salem at the time! That was long after I made the shirt. I came up with it shortly after the movie, so I figured it would be fresh in everyone’s minds. Of _course_ people will get it! (crickets chirp) ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/5 "2009-10-16T13:02:45Z")
A professor had just returned from a conference in Kansas City and was raving about the state-of-the-art facility there. I said, “Everything’s up to date in Kansas City.” He didn’t get it. I bet you didn’t, either. [Link for the musically challenged](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rkf3aSV_ewM). ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/6 "2009-10-16T13:50:07Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > A professor had just returned from a conference in Kansas City and was raving about the state-of-the-art facility there. > > I said, “Everything’s up to date in Kansas City.” > > He didn’t get it. > > I bet you didn’t, either. > > [Link for the musically challenged](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rkf3aSV_ewM). That one I got. The first two … um … no. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/7 "2009-10-16T15:27:44Z")
I told my friends all about my new Venus Flytraps: “I’ve named them Botticelli and De Milo. \ De Milo is the one that is missing some of its leaves.” Only three people got it, and one of them was an art professor. The plants are more or less dead. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/8 "2009-10-16T15:34:42Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > I told my friends all about my new Venus Flytraps: “I’ve named them Botticelli and De Milo. \ De Milo is the one that is missing some of its leaves.” An old roommate had a hanging plant that was big and bushy. He named it Robert. Everyone got it. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/9 "2009-10-16T18:28:13Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > An old roommate had a hanging plant that was big and bushy. He named it Robert. > > Everyone got it. I don’t get it. Help me out here. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/10 "2009-10-16T18:40:42Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I don’t get it. Help me out here. It was big and bushy and looked exactly like Robert Plant’s hair. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/11 "2009-10-16T18:41:40Z")
Robert Plant - from Led Zepplin. He also has bushy hair. > **[Robert Plant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Plant)** > > Robert Anthony Plant CBE (born 20 August 1948) is an English singer and songwriter. He was the lead singer and lyricist of the rock band Led Zeppelin from its founding in 1968 until their breakup in 1980; since then he has had a successful solo career, sometimes collaborating with other artists such as Alison Krauss. Regarded by many as one of the greatest singers in rock music, he is known for his flamboyant persona and raw stage performances. > Plant was born and brought up in the West Midland... Edit 1: Damn too slow. Edit 2: And yet too fast to spell properly. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/12 "2009-10-16T19:02:50Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > “Help, help, I’m being pressed!” [In the same general neighbourhood…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11661000&postcount=15) ---
**Author:** ![Heckity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Heckity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heckity)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/13 "2009-10-16T19:19:41Z")
I don’t know that it’s such a clever one liner, but my new married surname is a verb. Let’s says it’s Mrs. Acquire. So when I give my name now, I say ‘Acquire’ like ‘to get something’. Then I pause, wink and say, “I treat it as a license.” Out of the roughly 100 times I’ve said that, only 3 people have laughed. It’s not worth explaining it to those who don’t get it . . . and maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s funny. You know, like a license to acquire things . . . so I have to acq. . . ah never mind. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/14 "2009-10-16T19:25:48Z")
> [@Heckity](#): > > You know, like a license to acquire things . . . so I have to acq. . . ah never mind. I get it. When I did phone support for a major software company, I would often tell people to type in “$p$g.” “Dollar sign P, dollar sign G. That’s P as in psychology, G as in gnome.” I think only one person paused to think about what I’d said. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/15 "2009-10-16T22:28:54Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I get it. > > When I did phone support for a major software company, I would often tell people to type in “$p$g.” “Dollar sign P, dollar sign G. That’s P as in psychology, G as in gnome.” I think only one person paused to think about what I’d said. ‘The name is “Kaplan”, K-A-P-L-A-N.’ ‘Is that K as in Knight, A as in Aardvark, P as in Pneumonia, L as in Luscious, A as in Aardvark again, N as in Newell Post, Kaplan?’ ‘Yes, I think so!’ Seminal comedy from the 60’s. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/16 "2009-10-16T22:40:04Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > I told my friends all about my new Venus Flytraps: “I’ve named them Botticelli and De Milo. \ De Milo is the one that is missing some of its leaves.” > > Only three people got it, and one of them was an art professor. > > The plants are more or less dead. Well, so is the joke. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/17 "2009-10-16T22:59:50Z")
> [@Heckity](#): > > You know, like a license to acquire things . . . so I have to acq. . . ah never mind. I want so badly to get this. ☹ Is it like a “license to steal”? ---
**Author:** ![Delayed\_Reflex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/delayed_reflex/32/3172_2.png) [@Delayed\_Reflex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delayed_Reflex)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/18 "2009-10-16T23:20:04Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > ‘The name is “Kaplan”, K-A-P-L-A-N.’ > > ‘Is that K as in Knight, A as in Aardvark, P as in Pneumonia, L as in Luscious, A as in Aardvark again, N as in Newell Post, Kaplan?’ > > ‘Yes, I think so!’ > > Seminal comedy from the 60’s. > Roddy ‘Caseway - C as in “cue”, A as in “aye”, S as in “sea”, E as in “eye”, W as in “why”, A as in “are”, Y as in “you” - got that?’ ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2009, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/19 "2009-10-17T00:07:15Z")
Back when the kids were in the crawling and toddling stages, there was an iron-on t-shirt booth in every mall. So I got them all baseball shirts with the letters: ENTROPY ELF pressed on the front. Only once did someone look at it and laugh. We were at Picnic Day at UC Davis. One of the guys running the liquid nitrogen dip for the Chem Department got a chuckle out of it. One. It was worth it. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2009, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000/20 "2009-10-17T01:32:24Z")
I returned the relayed greetings of the father of the poster **alice\_in\_wonderland** with [Any truth to those rumors about the Greek lexicon being remaindered?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5037407) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-one-liners-that-nobody-got/514000.md?page=2)