# Clever ways of saying someone isn't smart **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391 "2000-11-02T15:58:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/977dab/32.png) [@Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soup)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/1 "2000-11-02T15:58:01Z")
The list so far: “He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed” “He’s not the brightest penny in the fountain” (courtesy of The Simpsons) “He’s two fries short of a Happy Meal” ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/2 "2000-11-02T16:20:32Z")
“He posts to the wrong forum.” ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/3 "2000-11-02T16:23:25Z")
He’s a couple of beers short of a picnic. A few sandwiches short of a circus. ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/4 "2000-11-02T16:24:41Z")
See this site. [http://members.aol.com/dkgoodman/fulldeck.html](http://members.aol.com/dkgoodman/fulldeck.html) ---
**Author:** ![Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/977dab/32.png) [@Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soup)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/5 "2000-11-02T16:30:37Z")
Wow! Thanks for the link Aglarond, that should do it. Sorry about the misplaced thread, manhattan. Hope you didn’t hurt your finger redirecting it. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/6 "2000-11-02T16:31:08Z")
He… …is not the brightest crayon in the box. …is not the sharpest pencil in the box. …is a few bricks short of a hod. …wouldn’t notice the different between light and dark. …has the intelligence of a half-baked loaf of rye bread. …is a 10-watt lightbulb trying to outshine his relatives in Las Vegas. …is smarter than a dead rock. ---
**Author:** ![Gazoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ce73a5/32.png) [@Gazoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazoo)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/7 "2000-11-02T16:38:07Z")
And check [this earlier thred](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=34268). ---
**Author:** ![dylan\_73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecccb3/32.png) [@dylan\_73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dylan_73)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/8 "2000-11-02T16:38:19Z")
Mercifully spared the ravages of intelligence. (That’s not quite right, but something like that…from Blackadder I think.) ---
**Author:** ![Aglarond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c77e96/32.png) [@Aglarond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aglarond)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/9 "2000-11-02T16:40:57Z")
This thread reminded me of this employee eval. Kind of off topic, but has some good ones in it. Employee Evaluation Name: \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Date: \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Position: \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ ## ================================================== Knowledge: The Son of a Bitch Really Knows His Shit! Knows Just Enough To Be Dangerous. Only Has Half a Brain and is Dangerous. Fucking Brain Damaged, His Coffee Cup Has a Higher IQ. ## Accuracy: Does Excellent Work If Not Pre-occupied With Pussy. Pretty Good; Only Occasionally Blows it Out His Ass. Has to Take His Shoes Off To Count Higher Than Ten. Couldn’t Count His Balls And Get The Same Number Twice. ## Attitude: Extremely Cooperative (If You Kiss His Ass Daily). Brown Noser In Good Standing. Often Pisses Off Co-Workers, Thinks He Owns the Damn Place Doesn’t Give A Shit, Never Did, Never Will. ## Reliability: Really A Dependable CockSucker. Works So Hard That He Has To Take An Extra Day Off Each Week. Can Rely On Him To Be The First One Out The Door. Totally Fucking Worthless. ## Appearance: Extremely Neat, Even Combs His Pubic Hair. Looks Great On His Days Off. Dirty, Filthy, Smelly Son Of a Bitch. Flies Leave Fresh Dog Shit To Follow Him. ## Performance: Goes Like A Son Of A Bitch…If There’s Money In It For Him. Does All Kinds of Good Shit At Evaluation Time. Works Well After An Enema. Couldn’t Do Less If He Were In A Coma. # Leadership: Carries A Chain saw And Gets Good Results. Macho Attitude, Commands Total Disgust. Dog Fasted For Three Day Last Time He Brought Home Pork Chops. Mother Teresa Told Him to Get Fucked. ``` I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE BEEN COUNSELED AND UNDERSTAND MY RIGHTS UNDER THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974. I FURTHER ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I AM FUCKED UP AND WORTHLESS AS A FOOTBALL BAT, AND I WILL MAKE SOME KIND OF ATTEMPT TO CORRECT MY OBVIOUS DEFICIENCES. ``` * * * Employee Signature (If He Can Write) ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/10 "2000-11-02T16:51:54Z")
…not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. ---
**Author:** ![Gregor\_Samsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@Gregor\_Samsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gregor_Samsa)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/11 "2000-11-02T17:03:02Z")
…not the sharpest knife in the drawer. …no rocket surgeon. …couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the directions were written on the bottom. …couldn’t organize a rock fight at a quarry. ---
**Author:** ![ladybug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@ladybug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladybug)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/12 "2000-11-02T17:25:35Z")
He’s about as sharp as a bag of wet gerbils. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/13 "2000-11-02T17:36:58Z")
The one that never fails to amuse me (don’t know why) is: Dumb as a bag of hammers. ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/14 "2000-11-02T17:51:57Z")
My dad’s favorites: Dumber than a coalbucket. Couldn’t find your butt with both hands. My personal: Daft as a brush. Not one is clever, but they amuse the heck out of me. ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/15 "2000-11-02T17:58:41Z")
A taco short of a combination plate. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/16 "2000-11-02T18:07:13Z")
He’d make a fine manager. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/17 "2000-11-02T18:07:19Z")
Mauvaise stole mine. ☹ Though I always say “Dumb as a box of hammers.” ---
**Author:** ![LMacG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ba8739/32.png) [@LMacG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LMacG)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/18 "2000-11-02T18:18:25Z")
That list that Aglarond linked was fun. At first I was puzzled by “collects cards for Craig,” but I decided I really like that one, and plan to use it endlessly. ---
**Author:** ![Fletch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/919ad9/32.png) [@Fletch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fletch)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/19 "2000-11-02T18:58:48Z")
Sharp as a marble. Bright as a cavern. Dain Bramaged. ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/20 "2000-11-02T19:11:40Z")
Couldn’t find his own ass with both hands _and a flashlight_. (that last bit’s important) Doesn’t have the brains God gave a duck. Pushes doors marked “pull.” Not smart enough for government work. “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” –Mark Twain I’ve got more “ugly” ones myself, such as: Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Got a serious whomping from the ugly stick. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391.md?page=2)