# Clever ways of saying someone isn't smart **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391 "2000-11-02T15:58:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/61 "2000-11-03T20:33:29Z")
In a movie review long ago critic Gene Shalit once remarked of an actress “It seems that the more beautiful she gets, the dumber she acts. She has never been more beautiful than in [this movie]”. Wonderful backhanded compliment. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/62 "2000-11-03T20:53:03Z")
“If his I.Q. slips any lower, we’ll have to water him twice a day.” – Molly Ivins, writing about a congressman from Dallas. A neighbor of my mother’s used to describe one of his kids as “dumber than sled tracks”. He doesn’t have two neurons to rub together. There’s a thought (or point) in there somewhere. Don’t have the brains god gave a turnip (multiple usages) ---
**Author:** ![Mu\_Mu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Mu\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mu_Mu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/63 "2000-11-04T03:15:49Z")
He thinks everyone has trouble licking self-stick stamps. ---
**Author:** ![Mousseduck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@Mousseduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mousseduck)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/64 "2000-11-04T11:27:27Z")
Twice failed to become the village idiot through being over-qualified - From a Discworld novel (I think it was Witches Abroad.) Thick as two short planks. Most of the others I’ve heard (and can think of) have already been posted. ---
**Author:** ![tomas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tomas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomas)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/65 "2000-11-04T12:26:22Z")
“That boy couldn’t track an elephant with a bloody nose in a snowstorm”. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/66 "2000-11-04T22:39:00Z")
If there were a tax on brains, the gov’t would owe him money. She’s pushing the bounds of ineptitude. ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/67 "2000-11-05T12:13:41Z")
this bitch needs to be hit upside their head with a clue-by-four! ---
**Author:** ![nevermore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nevermore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevermore)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/68 "2000-11-05T13:24:52Z")
Got two brain cells & they’re moshing ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/69 "2000-11-05T15:15:56Z")
Thicker than a whale omelette. (Blackadder) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/70 "2000-11-06T05:54:39Z")
I think Dennis Miller used this one: “His ancestors volunteered to be in the control group during evolution.” For an attractive yet stupid person: “Nice cage. No bird.” Allegedly said by Lyndon Johnson about Jerry Ford: “That boy played too much football without a helmet.” And one my cousin once used: “He’s got so few brain cells, he knows them by name.” ---
**Author:** ![shimmery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@shimmery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shimmery)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/71 "2000-11-06T21:43:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fear Itself \* > \*\*From _The Green Mile_: > > “That boy’s cheese done slid off his cracker” \*\* ☹ ! I’ve been reading this whole thread in eager anticipation of posting that… sigh… oh well, it’s funny anyway 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/72 "2000-11-07T06:06:26Z")
And when all else fails: “You’re about one brick short of a brick.” ---
**Author:** ![Smitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Smitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smitty)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/73 "2000-11-07T15:14:19Z")
A couple lesbians short of a Springer episode ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/74 "2000-11-07T15:52:36Z")
He’s so stupid he’d ask women why they don’t like to be called chicks. ---
**Author:** ![BobSchroeck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@BobSchroeck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobSchroeck)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/75 "2000-11-07T18:40:27Z")
The Top 14 New Euphemisms for “Stupid” [The Top 5 List [http://www.topfive.com](http://www.topfive.com) ] [Copyright 1999 by Chris White] 14\> Routinely outsmarted by cheese 13\> Three experts short of an antitrust suit 12\> Three-time Darwin Award winner 11\> Keeps her brain in mint condition 10\> A few planets short of a federation 9\> Backstreet Boy in a Talking Heads world 8\> Duh! on parade 7\> Still cutting with rounded scissors 6\> He’s a T-1 line of pure stupid 5\> At least one Brady short of a Bunch 4\> Sharp as a donut 3\> Has a vacancy at the Grey Matter Motel 2\> T minus dumb and counting and [Topfive.com](http://Topfive.com)’s Number 1 New Euphemism for “Stupid”… 1\> “Good afternoon, Boulder Homicide” And a variant on one already posted… “He’s not even the sharpest _spoon_ in the drawer.” ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/76 "2000-11-13T22:12:04Z")
I was watching **Action** last night, and they had a good one. Actor: I’m as sober as an Ox Peter Dragon: You were studio schooled weren’t you Actor: Yep, since the sixth gade PD: I can tell, you’re smart as a duck hee hee I love that show. ---
**Author:** ![Skwerl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Skwerl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skwerl)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/77 "2000-11-14T01:46:00Z")
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. Any slower and he’d be in reverse. Doesn’t have both oars in the water. Not the sharpest crayon in the box. Not the brightest bulb on the tree. He’s not stupid; he’s possessed by some retarded ghost. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2000, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/78 "2000-11-14T04:29:37Z")
“His train of thought is still boarding at the station.” I’ve been using that one for years. ---
**Author:** ![superdenseprotohippy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@superdenseprotohippy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/superdenseprotohippy)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/79 "2000-11-26T07:45:17Z")
As swift as a narcoleptic sloth on Xanax. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2000, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391/80 "2000-11-27T02:53:36Z")
Until all the legal manuvering is over, I’m still using “24 Electoral votes short of an election”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/clever-ways-of-saying-someone-isnt-smart/39391.md?page=5)